How not to eat an oversized burger

Venue: Gourmet Burger Kitchen, London
Character: Porkie, Claudine, Chris, Cheesie
Prop: Oversized burger, oversized burger, oversized burger and oversized burger

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I’m writing this article about what not to order on the first dinner date. And i think i should put GBK burger in the list.

 

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I don’t understand why oversized burgers exist in the first place. It makes whoever is eating it look like a chowhound. *insert cannibal guffaws*

Maybe that’s because i stay in Malaysia. The Londoners like Porkie Claudine Chris have no problem wolfing down the humongous monstrosity.

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Why oh why. It sure looks delicious i know i know. The melting cheese is oozing out i know i know. You’re hungry i know i know.

 

But how am i going to stuff something that is five times the diameter of my ingestion orifice in?

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It’s impossible to eat a GBK without any of the following embarrassment: leaking, spilling, dripping, splattering, dropping or have ketchup and mustard stretched all across your cheeks.

So totally not sexy. I wonder how Paris Hilton did it. Seriously.

 

But some of my friends are apparently quite professional at burger eating.

 

This is Porkie the burger expert’s burger
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Neatly cut into quarters.

 

This is Claudine’s burger.
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She squeezed it so perfectly, bit into it so gracefully without any grease squirting onto her face.

 

This is Chris the Shawarma master.
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He’s fantasizing himself transforming into a killim, sawing strips of meat off a gigantic beef skewer with the aid of cutlery. It worked fine, albeit eccentric.

 

 

Last but not cheese.

 

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Eating an oversized burger. Cheesie style. Yes i’d like another new napkin please, thank you very much.

42 people cheesed “How not to eat an oversized burger”

  1. misha HONG KONG says:

    me first !

  2. misha HONG KONG says:

    nice nice burgers!

  3. cheesie MALAYSIA says:

    Omg u adowable misha pie always first, no need study ah! :D

  4. :D SINGAPORE says:

    hah. that’s what i would have done.
    *quietly laughs at myself*

  5. Penny MALAYSIA says:

    Just like chewing on that piece of sushi’s seaweed on your date :d

  6. zOee MALAYSIA says:

    The potato wedges caught my attention more ~

  7. misha HONG KONG says:

    hahaha … today is no school day for me .. :)

  8. yothemans MALAYSIA says:

    argh….i miss GKB so much !!

  9. rei SINGAPORE says:

    oversized? wait till you have the American burgers.. haha now that’s wht I call OVERSIZED!

  10. jolyn MALAYSIA says:

    They make our burger look so puny… ^^

  11. yumii MALAYSIA says:

    yummy~~~

  12. kyliemc MALAYSIA says:

    lol..me wonder how they eat burgers too..coz after d meal,my hold hand would b filled if sauce..i had 2 keep wiping my mouth coz d sauce was not onli on my lips but perhaps nose n face..oh gosh,not 2 mention pimples might pop up…my frens say tht i’m like having war wif d food

    koko,claudine n chris geng la….can still manage 2 keep their grace n table manners

  13. nth MALAYSIA says:

    iI have super-duper appetite now, you know you know? :D

  14. Rei MALAYSIA says:

    i wonder if they have a kid’s meal. perhaps you should try ordering one to get the not-so-oversize burger then the burger wouldn’t die in such a horrid death. XD

  15. grace MALAYSIA says:

    erm……isn’t it Gourmet Burger Kitchen?
    how come it became “Venue: Gourmet Kitchen Burger, London..?”

  16. 大小孩 MALAYSIA says:

    wow… cant see this BIG burger in my town ….

  17. babyQ MALAYSIA says:

    omg…those are bloody burgers…

  18. ahlost MALAYSIA says:

    Did you manage to finish the burger?

  19. Ying Bin Sousa MALAYSIA says:

    Nice mah?The french fries?Or McD’s better? :)

  20. Banzai UNITED STATES says:

    Sometimes food just has to be messy (so you know you’re enjoying it) especially when cheese is involved!

  21. jyushiang MALAYSIA says:

    That reminded me about TGIF’s humungous burgers! Just 2 nights ago I had the JD Burger and I remembered how my friend teased me for being a messy fellow eating a burger with a fork and a knife. Seriously, I am in the same position as you are. I tried holding, squeezing, cutting. Neither worked out. Or perhaps we Malaysians do not cut it to eat large-sized burgers? Hmmmm.

  22. Porkie UNITED KINGDOM says:

    Kyky - ehehe.. of course mah.. must have good table manners ;) no one use knife like wanna kill someone though :P

    cheesie dear - speaking of GBK, just had it today..ehehe.. Cajun Burger with Chips (garlic mayo n smoke chilli mayo) and lime milkshake…totally cheesillicious! (minus the cheese cuz was no cheese :P)

    Bin Bin - when you come..i take you to this place ;)

  23. sheon MALAYSIA says:

    i reckon when they were creating the burgers….they had me in mind!

  24. Ying Bin Sousa MALAYSIA says:

    Yay,Porkie is THE BEST!!! :D

  25. cheesie MALAYSIA says:

    Grace: omg what a terrible mistake. I changed it! :)
    bigsmallkid: eat 3 ramli! its the same! :D
    babyQ: no not bloody at all. They are well done.
    ahlost: nooo :(
    Ying Bin: It was awesome. I got eternally sick of Mc D. Don’t even remind me of that.
    Banzai: lol! I can’t disagree!
    jyushiang: i prefer small ones like Mos Burger. So that i can eat two different ones! WAHAHA.
    Porkie: NOTHING! can be better than Mos Burger.
    sheon: so are you like… gigantic?

  26. heidi MALAYSIA says:

    hehe. The biggest burgers I’ve had were from Chilli’s. I take everything apart and slowly eat piece by piece. haha. and I can never finish one whole burger. Half also can pengsan dy. :P

  27. abuthen MALAYSIA says:

    omg…messy cheesie eating messy cheesy burger…

  28. sheon MALAYSIA says:

    cheesie: yeah…in ‘that’ category lar…..182cm weighing 220pounds…..

  29. a shen SINGAPORE says:

    hey hey..
    the burger looks really yummy in porkie’s hand…
    erm..but yours….:p

  30. lasilasi AUSTRALIA says:

    lol i always eat it with fork and knife too. When I was in Japan, I even saw some cute jap chicks eating MOS burger with fork and knife =p

  31. rip CANADA says:

    Yum MEAT! *drools*

  32. rip CANADA says:

    who was your first day? :)

  33. jyushiang MALAYSIA says:

    OMG. I want MOS burgerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

    Arghhhhh. I want teriyaki chicken japanese rice burger ect ect ect with fries and lots lots lots of chilli sauceeeee!

    Don’t bother about me, I am just hungry.

  34. starrynight MALAYSIA says:

    mos burger rocks! it’s helluva lot better than any other burgers!

  35. zthon UNITED KINGDOM says:

    =D
    definitely not a good idea to have that on a first date. the guy will run away as fast as he can. haha.

  36. sue me MALAYSIA says:

    whoa..thats super huge..if i eat it,i will embarassed myself for sure.lol..
    cheeser,get well soon..

  37. skim MALAYSIA says:

    screw the burger. LOOK AT DEM CHIPS.

  38. Chris UNITED KINGDOM says:

    It’s the CHIPS that were amazing! Don’t get me started with the dips… Garlic Mayo Dip, Thai Chilli Dip, Blue Cheese Dip, Tomato Chilli Dip, and more….

    *droooooools*

  39. mic.tham MALAYSIA says:

    very classic ur illustration haha, I like!

  40. Jayce MALAYSIA says:

    Wow… It is really big le. :P

  41. claudine UNITED KINGDOM says:

    eh ringo, the nicely cut up one is mine leh. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL :P

  42. Banzai UNITED STATES says:

    Would you get slapped if you told a cute girl she had a “nice burger”?

    And who eats a burger with no CHEESE!!!

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