No matter what I blog I end up offending someone. So let’s talk about something boring and mundane today. Like, I had KFC for lunch today. It’s oily and unhealthy. Ok scrap that. KFC will feel offended.

Talk about petrol hike can gua. Everyone is already offended by it. Plus, petrol is not sentient. It won’t get offended. So I guess it’s relatively safe.

I cancelled my car order. God I just again offended someone. Now there’s one angry car dealer more on this planet.

For several reasons actually, that I cancelled the order.

1. Petrol is expensive. I can’t possibly get over my kiamsiapness to pay for such exorbitantly priced liquid, unless I stay home all the time, which defeats the purpose of buying a car.

2. Just found out that my parking lot in my new house is located on the 6th floor. Damn waste petrol, fucckaccino.

3. I really really reeeeeeally think I should wait. I don’t really like how it looks. Except for its petrol consumption. Or rather the lack of it.

4. Plus, I wanna wait for the car plate number WTF 666. Wicked!!!

5. After all the hassle, I found out that I can’t afford a car.

God. Bali is an evil place.

Bumped into Mike my very friendly and professional but now angry car dealer few months ago, when I was fresh out of MDG.

Mike: Hey, I actually watch your show.
Me: No way! I was crap.
Mike: I even voted for you!
Me: No you didn’t.
Mike: I did, seriously.
Me: No you didn’t, you know why?
Mike: Why?
Me: Because you don’t want me to win the show.
Mike: Why?
Me: Because if I win the show you’ll lose one car order! HAHAHA.

I’m sorry Mike.

Went out with Danny the other night, we couldn’t settle for a place to drink. Drove around in circles in his car.

Danny: It’s okay, we can just drive around and makan angin.
Me: I don’t mind. It’s your petrol.
Danny: -_- *zhar dou*
Me: Seriously, I’m not quite sure if that’s such a good idea for dates nowadays. You might end up spending more than two Sex On The Beach.

Or Beaches?

We settled for coffee and juice in the end in a crap bar.

Now let’s talk about my new place. It’s gorgeous, and I can’t wait to move in. Yes I’m going to have a house warming party soon. It’s open to everyone! But address only disclosed to those who bring one of the following items as my house warming gift. Or two. Or three. Or more. I don’t really mind you see.

God I have so many things I need in the house! Let’s see.

1. A nice, comfy 3-seater L shape sofa. No it doesn’t have to be from Lorenzo.
2. A plasma. Woot.
3. Sound system!
4. TV console.
5. DVD player.
6. A fridge. Good if you can open the door, put an elephant in, close the door, open the door again, take out the elephant and put a giraffe in.
7. A FREAKING HUGE WARDROBE! (Which size can only be emphasized by typing in caps and size 4 font) Good if you can slide open the door and put eight Kennysias in. Then I can sell him on Cheesie’s Wardrobe also.
8. A nice Victorian clock. Wait. Forget about it. You can’t give a clock to someone.
9. A Victorian screen for that stupid cubicle.
10. A wifi router.
11. Pink/Cream color Roman blinds. God. Curtains are sooooooooo expensive! I’ll email you the exact measurements.
12. White Venetian blind is the next option. These Italians really good at windows aren’t they.
13. A microwave. So the next time I get angry with Ching I can bake a pizza for lunch. Yum.
14. English tea sets. Omg aren’t they lovely.
15. Fluffy carpets for living hall, my bedroom and dining area.
16. Ok la dining table set too. I very greedy meh?
17. A small fluffy carpet for Cheddie.
18. Three freaking gigantic, magnificent wall mirrors. Yes yes, narcissism. And also for fengshui purpose.
19. Oh ya a white dressing table. Victorian style.
20. Bathroom mirror.
21. Bathtub + flavored bath salt. Yum.
22. Giraffes from Bali!!! Wait I already have two.
23. A new laptop. Pink, please. (No, black doesn’t go with my room color, that’s why.)
24. A comfy day bed. (Wait, don’t think my living room is that big).
25. Foot massager!!! Very important! I love foot massage!
26. A door bell that woofs. So that Cheddie will go answer the door.
27. A very beautiful bedside lamp. Victorian style. Get one from Lovely Lace. Neh, I want the mauve-colored one. 😀
28. Toilet brush. Never mind. I can buy that myself.
29. Expensive paintings! (Clue: Cottage)
30. A pony. (Can I keep a pony in an apartment?)
31. La Mer face cream. (Eh, getting irrelevant meh?)
32. Ok ok. Hmmm. A vacuum cleaner la. uSuck.
33. Kitchen stove. The electric, canggih kind.
34. Door grille. I hate it but they say have to put wor.
35. A lot of canned food! Because my house would be so gorgeous I don’t even feel like going out anymore.
36. Last but not cheese (really, I don’t need cheese), a Butler. I don’t mind if his first name is Gerald. Hehe. He cooks and cleans and fulfills my every need and if I feel like being subordinate I can just slip on my French maid dress and j is very handsome.
37. I think that’s all. Will edit this list if I think of anything else.
38. Ok worst of all if tight on budget just get me anything from Lovely Lace, their laces are lovely indeed.

Please let me know which item you are bringing. I don’t need 14 doorbells that woof.

Thank you.

P/S: By the way it is not a joke. In case you think it is, because a lot of people cannot tell when I’m joking and when I’m not.

No la. I’m just joking. Hahahaha. See, hard to differentiate leh.

Ok. I’m serious. It’s not a joke.