I hate it when people say women are using PMS as an excuse to all bad behaviors. You think period pain and mood swings and headache and stomach cramps and acne right above your nose and sore breasts and bloated tummy and anxiety and the subconscious urge to sarcastically insult others and the incessant need for vulgarity spitting and the endless craving for nacho cheese all happen so coincidentally in one week is it.
I had a discussion with my bestestie about ways to relieve PMS Symptoms. Here.
1. Blog about it, evidently as you may see.
2. Go around slapping random people.
3. Release wild bees up someone’s nostril. Those insensitive clogs just can’t understand PMS!
4. Transform into a puffer fish and commit hara-kiri. Make sure the knife stabs right through the bloated stomach. Extra credit for having a hungry Japanese around.
5. Collect torture subjects (insects and small furry animals are good ones) and run a torture marathon.
6. For example pluck a parrot’s feathers.
7. Or fly a dragonfly as kite.
8. Or snip off black ants’ antennas and watch them fight.
9. Or rub a garden snail with salt and pepper. Serve it to unsuspecting French tourist as local version of their priced cuisine.
10. Lure a pussy cat into house. Close the door then release Cheddie.
11. Leave nasty comments on bimbo blogs anonymously calling her a fake bitch (wa now I know why I get so many hits regularly).
12. Write defamatory blog posts about Dawn Yang.
13. Punch Xiaxue’s nose.
14. Dang everyone on Nuffnang Innit.
15. Ask indon maid to wash the toilet with a tooth brush.
16. Exhaust the remote control batteries by channel flipping.
17. Press all the floor numbers before leaving an elevator.
But none of the above works because i’d either be stoned to death by PETA activists or trapped under a truckload of lawsuits or have died before I can get my next PMS.
So I’ve decided to try out an alternative to the above 1-17 options. It’s called Nuvafemme.
It is a premium-grade soy extract supplement that balances out fluctuating hormones, making life less painful and significantly reducing intolerable rage blackouts, diminishing the number of angry posts on your blog.
Taking Nuvafemme on a regular basis may shorten the menstruation period from 5-7 days to 2-3 days. Which saves you tons of money buying sanitary pads and Patchi chocolates.
Apart from alleviating all kinds of PMS agony, Nuvafemme also claims to give:
1) Beautiful radiant looking skin
2) Stronger denser bones
3) Firmer larger breast (!)
The active ingredient in Nuvafemme, genistein, mimics the effect of the female hormone, estrogen. This will stimulate the development of breast to give a fuller and firmer bust-line.
As Nuvafemme contains natural ingredients, it doesn’t give immediate results of implant surgery. Most women will see dramatic changes in 3 – 6 months of consuming Nuvafemme.
Nuvafemme is available for sale in all Pharmacy stores in Malaysia (Caring Pharmacy, Guardian Pharmacy,Vitacare Pharmacy, Watson’s Personal Care Stores and now Sasa).
More info please visit http://nuvafemme.my/blog/
If next month, you find a steadily decreasing number of posts that demonstrate my wrath as the ruler of all that is evil, you will know that i’ve just restocked a few cartons of Nuvafemme. Thank you. Now where’s the garden snail?