February 19, 2009by cheesie99 Comments❤︎47 Prefectures❤︎

I have an alligator in my kitchen sink.

I reckoned after so many yummy pictures of good food, it’s only fair i make you lose appetite.

fuckenlizard by you.

It was the most disturbing thing i’ve ever seen in a kitchen sink.

The bugger was obesely pregnant. Its body was smooth and translucent with glowing pink intestines and wait a minute is that a freaking lizard egg?!?

And i suddenly thought of Xiaxue’s dramatic hatred for lizards and feeling extremely empathetic. They are srsly like one of the most disgusting things on earth.

So the fella won’t go anywhere except lying still like a corpse in my kitchen sink because i think it was too fat until cannot move and was about to give birth (what turf!!!) and i dunno what to do with it!!! 

If i went kacao it it might go crazy and jump all over me, which i’d rather die than to experience. If i don’t do anything to it it might just die there judging from its immobility, which means i would still have to pick it up anyhow. Just that i couldn’t decide which is more gross—-picking up a lizard that pretends to be a corpse or picking up an actual lizard corpse.

 

Now Typing this alone make me geli until i get goose bumps all over. My skin feels exactly like it has been crawled all over by a cold lizard, if i’m allowed to explain a tragedy with another tragedy.

 

So Ching came over for swim and she was like what turf is this lizard doing in your kitchen sink? I was like what turf do you think it is doing? It’s going to turfing die there and she was like, THROW IT AWAY LA and i was like HOW TO THROW A TURFING LIZARD AWAY!

(She thinks lizards are like rubbish!!!)

So she said, give me a piece of tissue. And i gave her a piece of tissue.

Then she picked the lizard up with the piece of tissue and flushed it down the toilet.

Just like that.

With hand.

Then we went to the mall and had Oyster mee suah for lunch.

So i was texting this friend about the disturbing alligator in my kitchen sink. And he dared me to pick up a pair of scissors and cut the fella into half  on the tummy for RM500 (of course this is a pseudo dare, we outdare each other all the time.)

“You must look at the lizard in the eye while doing it the honor,” said the friend.

I went all wobbly and weak. 

Ching said she would do it for RM500. So the friend upped the dare (hypothetical of course) to RM1,000 and asked her to do the following. This is his sms, verbatim.

Cut half, ‘juet’ (suck) all the juice and colon inside, cannot rinse mouth with water for one hour. Then say ‘i love yim se (lizard in cantonese)’ . 1k.

And that time i was having my wonderful meal. My stomach flipped. I texted him back.

 

We were eating mee suah. The oh tasted exactly like what you describe. Like lizard egg. I hate you.

 
null
lizard eggs.

Geez. Thanks.

You have no idea how geli it is to write this post. This is harder to write than advertorials. Every sentence i geli one time. I hope you feel equally geli reading it.

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