This has to be the most irritating message I’ve ever received from friendster.

Okay, one of the most.


Others are just plain hilariously moronic and sometimes they give me some lolling to de-stress.

One of the most commonly seen (which the Stellars absolutely detest) is—

“hey you are so pretty can I be a fren with you?”

Or those who have a fetish for the “oh”s and whatnot—

“Har lor may I be a fren with you? Your hair very nice oh, and your smile also very cute oh, u got bf mah? Oh why dun have leh? How come oh? You so pretty mah”

*slaps face emo*
*another slaps face emo*

Once Jewel shared her cheesoron encounter with me. This is what she got from another hopelessoron.

hi.. my name is casper but i like people calling me
popo… hmm. i will like to seek more friend on
friendster to chat.. i not so very handsome but just
a little bit Attractive, Amazing, Amusing, Adorable,
Appealing, Alluring, Astonishing, Admirable, Awe-
Inspiring, Awesome, Amiable, Attentive, Bubbly,
Bright, Brilliant, Breath-Taking, Bravura, Best,
Cute, chubby, Charming, Considerate, Caring,
Captivating, Dashing, Dynamic, Divine, Delightful,
Dazzling, Demure, Dedicated, Dainty, Enticing,
Enchanting, Enthralling, Exquisite, Energetic,
Exceptional, Extraordinary, Endearing, Exciting,
Electrifying, Exhilarating, Funny, Friendly, Fine,
Fantastic, Fascinating, Fresh, Gorgeous, Gentle,
Good-Natured, Goodie, Gentlemanly, Humourous,
Hunk, Helpful, Interesting, Intellectual…

(message truncated to avoid feeling of sickness or allergy. Discontinue reading if irritation occurs, and consult the doctor immediately. )

And for those who are interested to learn more about the lame cheese-up lines, cheese here)

Sometimes, thanks to these cheesorons, I get inspired by their cheesoronity.

But this one really got me on my nerves.

I was looking through all these ads here on the
internet thinking to myself “Look at all the poor,
desperate, lonely women…” and then I saw your ad
and thought to myself “
Hey, here’s a poor, desperate, lonely woman that’s
actually CUTE…”so I thought I’d write and see if
you’re as interesting on the inside as you are in this

This guy, seriously, should have his eyelids stapled together because he obviously is not using them to see/look/watch/read properly!

I was talking to Jewel when reading his message. So I copied and pasted it on MSN.

Then she went

.: Jewelstar :. says:
omg.. i got that before!!
.: Jewelstar :. says:
he copied and pasted it

.: Jewelstar :. says:
how original
Cheesus Crust.

Now WHO is so poor, so desperately lonely to copy and paste a template message and send it all around friendster to get attention?

Tsk tsk tsk.

It’s just so sad to see how we’re connected to imbeciles on friendster.

So, curious, I checked his friendster profile up and this is how it reads:

About me

I guess, I can describe myself as a friendly & honest kind of guy (haven’t robbed a bank yet, so I’m honest in that sense).

I do hope you go rob a bank so that you get caught and can sit in jail rather than sitting here harassing everyone with your stupid message.

Generally speaking, I’m a guy that’s got a good sense of humour (I laugh at my own jokes), I think there’s no point being unhappy, especially when life is too short (not sure about that, maybe I’ll live till I’m 100 years old).

I’m sure ONLY YOU laugh at your own jokes because they are absocheesinglutely not, even remotely, funny, in any way humanly conceivable.
And I hope you will live 200 years so that you feel damn happy every time you look into the mirror.

Occasionally (like every 5 years), I would hang out with friends and socialise, basically just to recharge my batteries (which constantly needs recharging).

Girls, beware if you ever think of dating this guy. If he says “I give my girl friend CONSTANT tender loving care”, he means, he will pamper you by taking you out to wine and dine in Pizza Hut every alternate 5 years. Which means, if you ever live up to 200 years old, like him, you get to wine and dine in Pizza Hut (maybe he’ll try Dominos, once in a while) for err… *counts* 20 times, roughly. Sorry my math sucks.
But good for you la, his batteries last up to 5 years. What low maintenance. LOL.

I do speak cantonese, so there shouldn’t be any problems communicating, unless you are sign languaging me, that is.

I believe the problem exists, actually. You speak Craptonese, (I believe you spelled it wrongly, dude. It’s call spell check. Look into it) and I speak Cheesinglish, how to communicate? And I believe the only sign language people ever signaled to you is sticking their middle fingers up, correct?

I’m patient, but I’m not one of those people who’ll volunteer to wait 3 hours in a Mcdonalds queue for a Snoopy toy.

I’m patient too. But I’m also not one of those people who’ll spend even 3 second to reply a stupid friendster message. Period.

Who I want to meet

An angel of course………..but I don’t think thats realistic, but if you are gift wrapped with all the trimmings, do let me know.

See what I mean, told you some men are contradictory cheesorons. Tsk tsk tsk. What about a huge werebit dropping from the sky.

BTW the step-sisters of Cindarella, need not reply (don’t fancy re-living Nightmare on Elm Street)……..but if you are Cindarella, you’re more than welcome to find out whether I’m Prince Charming!!!

Puh-leese, look into the mirror.
Even a jar of marmalade can tell you are not even vaguely identifiable as a Prince Charming……’s step brothers.
Stop dreaming.
Alternatively, go read up my PCW Rules Trilogy.
( Part I , Part II , Part III .)

Any lady who can perform the amazing scene (making a clay pot) with me from the movie ‘Ghost’ (starring Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze) are also welcome!!! Any lady that wants to treat me for coffee is also welcome, either Starbucks or Pacific Coffee will do.

How bout a cup of Buzz-Off-You-Moron-Fucckaccino?

However…………if you need more clues, do drop me a line or two, I’m sure we can work something out!!!

Sure, cuz I have absolutely no clue on how the cheese you can write something so ridiculously not funny.
But I would, seriously, rather work out in Celebrity Fitness than to drop you rabbit droppings.

Cheese you very much.