Venue: Gourmet Burger Kitchen, London
Character: Porkie, Claudine, Chris, Cheesie
Prop: Oversized burger, oversized burger, oversized burger and oversized burger


I’m writing this article about what not to order on the first dinner date. And i think i should put GBK burger in the list.


I don’t understand why oversized burgers exist in the first place. It makes whoever is eating it look like a chowhound. *insert cannibal guffaws*

Maybe that’s because i stay in Malaysia. The Londoners like Porkie Claudine Chris have no problem wolfing down the humongous monstrosity.


Why oh why. It sure looks delicious i know i know. The melting cheese is oozing out i know i know. You’re hungry i know i know.


But how am i going to stuff something that is five times the diameter of my ingestion orifice in?



It’s impossible to eat a GBK without any of the following embarrassment: leaking, spilling, dripping, splattering, dropping or have ketchup and mustard stretched all across your cheeks.

So totally not sexy. I wonder how Paris Hilton did it. Seriously.


But some of my friends are apparently quite professional at burger eating.


This is Porkie the burger expert’s burger
Neatly cut into quarters.


This is Claudine’s burger.
She squeezed it so perfectly, bit into it so gracefully without any grease squirting onto her face.


This is Chris the Shawarma master.
He’s fantasizing himself transforming into a killim, sawing strips of meat off a gigantic beef skewer with the aid of cutlery. It worked fine, albeit eccentric.



Last but not cheese.



Eating an oversized burger. Cheesie style. Yes i’d like another new napkin please, thank you very much.