my stomach is giving me a horrible lurch and i feel my hands trembling as i type and i can’t breath something enormous and solid is stuck in my chest and i think i’m gonna throw up. i think i’m having a panic attack.
i think i really jinxed it this time.
because i think,
fuck this is hard to type. i typed and then backspaced and then typed again and then backspaced again and then i am still typing now i think i’d rather be in denial than to face the inevitable disillusion. for now.
yesterday morning i was still all positive and hopeful because Visa looks like it shouldnt be a problem since i’ve got one already. and then Thomas said i have to get a return ticket in order to re-apply for new Visa. which i then found out is impossible.
A one way back to KUL from Kansai is RM4,000 minimum. i checked and checked and checked. all airlines are about the same. Minimun 4k.
This is atrocious. It is ridiculous.
as i browsed through the rates my heart sank deeper. i started panicking and i wanted to cry. this is impossible. A one way ticket from Kansai costs more than 3 times my London return ticket. I have considered taking a cheaper flight from Kansai to maybe, HK or Manila, then fly air asia back to KL. Maybe that would be cheaper. But i couldn’t seem to find anything at all maybe because i really was panicking i kept making typos and i couldn’t concentrate and couldn’t think straight and i felt like stabbing a lamb with a blunt screwdriver.
and then i talked to TK this morning and he asked me not to go to embassy today. i said i’ve got almost everything sorted out except the flight. and he said we will talk tonight. i said i can’t talk tonight i really am panicking all i wanted is to spend Christmas with him and i can’t afford to screw up a holiday i dreamt of all my life. He wanted me to think about it again. He said tomorrow is still not too late.
i dont understand it. god i can’t stop crying now and the more i cry the more i can’t breathe.
One after another. First he returned to Nara out of a sudden and i had quite a hard time coping with the absence and now i don’t know when he is coming back again. If i don’t make it to Osaka this time i think it will be March. And that’s a horrible, horrible thought and it was driving me insane. And then problem with my Visa. And then problem with the flight. And now i don’t even know if i should really go after all.
All i wanted is Christmas, i don’t care if we will be on Tokyo or Osaka or Nara i don’t think i am being very greedy. But it looks like it is not gonna happen because i think
i have a horrible feeling.
that I’m gonna return 24th to KL and hug my Christmas tree and cry alone.
i haven’t felt so shit and cried so much in a long time my eyes all puffy i think i need to lie down a bit and stop crying.
(hugg) don’t cry. 🙁
Theme song for the moment:
My Chemical Romance – I’m Not Okay
max volume, then shout the lyrics like Gerard Way did…
and u’ll feel better and will have appetite for lunch..
Hey cheesie, don’t be sad…
Calm down and assert all of your options…
Did you try looking at the price of the flights from KL to other parts of Japan? Like Narita international airport or tokyo? You can then take a shinkansen to Nara which I bet will be wayy cheaper than a direct flight to Nara. Best of luck! I’m rooting for ya!
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
I’ll lend you my shoulder…
I don’t get, why do you need a visa to go to Japan? =
you’ll be fine (:
you can spend Christmas with cheeser readers if you cant go
but of course all of us will pray that u can go =D
dont cry *sayang* =D
yea… i don’t get it…why do you need to re-apply for visa when you already have a visa?
and didn’t you at least check the rates before you actually get your VISA?
how did you get a cheap return flight ticket to LONDON?
BTW…you’re in my XMAS wish(to go to japan, not to be with me) …don’t worry…you’ll be alright…
you know we LOVE YOU!
Save your tears, crying wont make anything better. Take a deep breath and hold yourself together. Think about the things you truly want, stand up and go for it. A winner in life is a person who can stand up again and again after being pushed down by life. I’m telling you this because you are a winner! =)
/hugs everything will work out.
Don’t measure everything with price….
just do what you think is right. inside. =) muah
if you wanna talk out more, you know where to find me k 🙂
Everything will be alright soon.. 🙂
haiyo , i very confused lei 🙁
Hope everything goes well Cheesie. Take care!
Merry early Christmas.
いつかのメリークリスマス… for you~
*hugs* cheesie…. my x’mas wishlist “Let Cheesie go to Japan”
Many HUGS for cheesie.
You love for TK is papable. He is a lucky man!
May your Christmas wish come true sweet lady! 😉
cheesie, did u get the visa oredi ? ru talking bout japan visa ?
cant get visa without ticket confirmed
did u sort it out already?
there’s the x’mas eve party..
*hugs* i am sure everything will fall into place eventually!
Hi Cheesie ;nUsually I dont like to read blogs but for urs somewhat always interestingnI wanna ask u favour. Sept mid im going to tokyo I know u are not 100% experr to answer me this… is it safe to bring my 3 yrs daughter to tokyonOther ppl always scared the shit to me by saying radioactive laaa n u pregnant laaa bla shitnI hope u see this msg..n I hope u can reply me….. plz. Tq
Me lovie cheesie 🙂