(The greatest complexity and irony about this post is that when i wrote it one month ago, i demonstrated the exact reason why it couldn’t be published. And now that i am finally able to let it up, it is not relevant anymore. Because i don’t have anymore ads to write. For about 3 weeks already fml. T_____T)

(But anyway i spent quite sometime to writing it so i will still let you read.)

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Today i want to talk about blog branding.

You know if you go for a really awesome Japanese buffet, you had three rounds of whatever you can grab and your feel like your tummy’s gonna explode anytime and can taste that half digested unagi at the back of your throat, and now the waiter is coming your way with a tray of big, fat, juicy oyster?

That’s pretty much how i feel about my blog now. Does’t necessarily mean i love oyster. In fact, oyster makes me puke.

But yea. My ad schedule is so full that it is even fuller than… than… (i couldn’t think of any nice metaphor so i asked Oli for help and he suggested “ fuller than a bag of peanuts that has been shrink wrapped” and i O.o and said i was thinking more of like “fuller than Simon Fuller”. anyway, nevermind that) than whatever that’s very full.

So full that i actually had a panic attack in my dream. That i overbooked myself  and couldn’t fit everything in my schedule and i was going to piss many many people off and Nicholas was giving the “you are really screwed” look and all i wanted to do is wake up from that dream so that i don’t have to deal with it.

Except that the amazing irony behind it is that when i woke up, not dealing with it is exactly what i couldn’t do. It makes me wanna just go to bed and dream of something else instead.

I was in journalism for 3 years, and i studied advertising before, so i guess i’m sorta, kinda, roughly but not really totally ignorant about branding. And when i started this stupid thing called Cheeserland in 2004, i have been subconsciously branding it.

Here’s the chronicle of the branding of Cheeserland

CHEESE CULT BLOG

Those were the Friendster years. Then it spread to the blog. I created this Ringoism cult that mildly attracted some weird interest in… well, weird people in general. But unless your brain is like, mouldy, it didn’t really work.

Requirement: Overwhelming passion and a really dark, twisted, and slight deranged brain.

CHEESE REVIEW BLOG

If you read my entries way back (like, way, waaaay back), you will find a dozen of half-arse cheese snack reviews. After the downfall of the whole cult thing, I decided that i might want to appeal to a wider range of target audience. From people who set up a cheese altar and pray to Cheesus Crust everyday (just how many people in the world do that, exactly?) to people who, you know, eat cheese.

But alas it didn’t last (wtf rhyme). The major reason was because the cheese critique ran out of money (that time no such thing as Nuffnang yet. Thank Cheesus for it now), and you know, imported cheeses are expensive. So it died.

Requirement: Some bullshit skill and money.

BIMBO BLOG

So then the author opted for the easiest way out.

It was real easy. Like how some B list actresses always sleep with the producer or whoever. But in the end it may or may not get them anywhere because the producer also sleeps with 10000 other B list actresses.

Ok that would be a wrong analogy because I don’t mean that i slept with myself but anyway ya the whole bimbo thing didn’t exactly work. Unless i am Cheddie.

Requirement: Camwhoring and Photoshop skill and a slightly thick epidermis structure on the face.

CHEAT ONE™ BLOG

Almost everything here is Cheat One™ anyway. And i so successfully brand it that way that i have to TM it. Anyway. I want it to be such a blog where everyone comes read and ends up feeling cheated. But they will come back with renewed and stronger hope and enthusiasm everyday, ready to be cheated all over again.

How does that work? Just ask any 4D Toto shop. And they are prolly one of the businesses that makes most money anyway.

Requirement: Very high level of cheating skill achieved through years of erm.. cheating, and/or virtual voodoo/magic and a slightly cloudy conscience.

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Well  not until recently that  i found my true calling. It is called…

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the ADVERTORIAL BLOG™

(I  think it would be highly prevalent so i TMed it first).

(Note that i really wanna emphasize the word “the” but it would only be consistent to cap the title but if everything is all cap then there wouldn’t be an emphasis so i made the “the” small letters instead.)

Well. Self explanatory.

Requirement: A non-existent conscience. (mine has died of a sharp, poignant pain a short while ago as i was writing an ad for X company).

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The more i think about it, the more i agree with myself that it is good to brand your blog, or at least categorize it.

If your blog is like rubbish and all rojak it’s prolly not gonna get you anywhere, especially when it comes to things like Nuffnang Awards. Unless they have titles say, like, Best Mediocre Blog, Best Useless Crap Blog or something.

So you have to be expert at something. Or at least pretend to be expert at something. Then start labeling and selling yourself as, say, for example, Bitch Blogger (i flame 10 random people everyday), a Household Solution Blogger (i talk about clogged toilet in great details), or a Plastic Surgery Blogger (how to prevent chin from falling), etc. See, sounds so professional.

So, from today onwards, cheeserland.com would be labeled as an Advertorial Blog™. And i urge all media agencies to add Advetorial Blog™ as one of the blog category in the blogger bio form.

To be absolutely professional, it is my job to ensure that constant adverts are being posted up. Failing which, people could stop reading me or throw stones at me. Or leave me nasty comment like, “Cheesie i don’t like that your blog has no adverts anymore. I use to read you but now it is so uncommercialized and i hate it. I’d rather read The Star’s Classified. PUI!”

Oh well.

I think i just have to deal with that. Everything comes with a price.

Anyway. So how would you brand your blog?

Btw the part about my murdered conscience is just for jokes. My conscience is so clear that it is clearer than… (lazy to think and Oli is not helping) whatever that’s really clear. I adore all my sponsors and i love writing for them.

But then again you’ll never know.

Cuz this blog also falls in to the Cheat One™ Blog category.

Thanks.

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(Btw i kinda become lazy after the ad wave has died down and rather uninspired to blog. So ads are good.)

*gives duo duo excuses*