I have just finished watching this Japanese drama called “Namae Wo Nakushita Megami” (名前をなくした女神), literally means, the Goddess Who Lost Her Name. The tagline of the drama is “Welcome to the hell of mama friendships”.
It is a story about 5 families, mainly the mother of the family and the drama revolving their friendship. Some are crazy jealous and some are nice but turned out to be psychos lol.
(On a side note, watch out for this little girl who goes by the name Lala in the drama. She is by far the cutestttttttestestest Japanese girl i’ve ever seen T_____T.
I caught one episode when i was in Japan, and got hooked instantly. I could not have had related to the drama if i haven’t become a mother myself. Watching this drama made me realize many things i wasn’t aware of before, and some scenes also touched the deepest of my heart that i teared.
Imagine your own son telling you, teary-eyed, “why am i your son? why?? I wish i wasn’t your son!“and storm out. Just watching that scene breaks my heart into a thousand pieces.
Being a mother means your life is now full of unknown choices and dilemmas. No mother would ever mean bad to her own child, but sometimes there are also things you do for your child’s own good, yet end up hurting him and hurting yourself in return.
In the drama, Yuko (Anne Watanabe) just wanted her son to be happy, healthy and free-spirited without worrying too much about acadamic success. But to her horror, even a wish as simple as that turns out to be naive and impossible. Her son got teased for having bad handwriting, and Yuko realized it was her own fault for not wanting him to stress too much on school stuff. And in the end, every parent unwillingly become those parents that they have sworn not to become before they had their first child.
Then sometimes you get lost and caught in between your group of mamatomo (mama friends), your own child and the unspoken rivalry between mama friends.
The drama depicted exactly that kind of friendship. Once your child goes to school, you will have to make a bunch of mama friends for the sake of your child, whether you like it or not. Sooner or later you find yourself in that kind of exclusive clique that is full of love-hate relationships.
You support each other, but you fight each other. You agree with one another, but more often you disagree with most of others. You get ostracised by just one wrong move you don’t even realize you made. You succumb to mamatomo pressure, and get consumed by jealousy. You compare your own child with your mamatomo‘s child unknowingly.
Every mother has a definition of love and justice that is destined to collide with that of the others.
That is why mamatomo is one of the most stressful kind of relationships.
Perhaps in Japan it is a little more extreme (kids at school tease their classmate if their bento look like shit, that is why all mothers are pressured to make the most presentable kyaraben so that their children don’t get ridiculed in school. True story.), i’m lucky in Malaysia things are probably not like that (i hope!), but if we ever move to Japan one day i want to make sure i’m mentally prepared for all these.
And… how is all these related to the title “The Goddess Who Lost Her Name?”
The moment one becomes a mother (at least in Japan), she kind of just loses her name forever. Especially when she is a housewife. Imagine at home, your kids call you “mama”, your husband calls you “mama” (yes it is quite strange, in Japanese family once a couple become parents, they just automatically transition to calling each other “papa” and “mama”. It happens in my own home sometimes, without us realizing lol), and your friends at your kids’ school call you “XXXX’s mama”. For me, if Junya goes to school in Japan, my name will become Junya kun mama.
Basically saying mothers are very 伟大的女神 and they made sacrifices even if that means losing their identity liddis la.
Interestingly i also came across a video, i think a reader shared it with me, and it is exactly the same theme. The title of the video is “Call Her Name”. It’s subbed in English so you can watch it.
(Note: I’m not sure why the embeded video doesn’t show the subs, you can click to watch directly on Youtube with subs.)
Anyway, i hope i can continue blogging forever, so that you guys will still call me Cheesie hahhaha.
But whatever name it is, i am really, really glad that i became Junya’s mama. And i hope that he would be glad that i am his mama. And that would be my biggest happiness.
My personal experience is that if your partner call you something else other than mama or papa, your kid/s will follow suit/s. My 3.5yo call the hubby “babe” all the time because that’s how i addressed him. 🙂
Babe for papa lolol XD
love this post. 🙂
exactly what I’m feeling now!!
I’m calling my husband ‘papa’ also! Lol
Wow I’m going to watch this soon!
you guys is no speak mandarin/eng meh!
Waaa motherhood is truly a path you can never go back ;; i don’t think im ready for all these drama yet. Thank you for the harsh reality insight haha!
I even call my cousin daddy when my nephew is around so that my nephew will address to my cousin as daddy LOL
haha yea yea thats how it actually started! XD
Omg, what a coincidence!! I just watched that vid recently too! I also remember watching a dorama similar to what you mentioned and its… Well, it kind of ignites the mixed feelings kind of thing, you know? I love it.(though I’m pretty sure I haven’t finish watching all of it, haha)
which one is it?
Its the same in Korea!!! ):
yea i guessed so!
Hi Cheesie 🙂 You should definitely check out Yume, Choo Sarang’s cousin in “The return of superman” episode 62. She only appeared in this episode. She is soo pretty i kenot 🙂 Seriously no joke
i’ll go have a look!
I loved this post, made me hmmm… too emotional 🙂 I’ll still call yah cheesie… and I think you still keep on blogging or eventually be a bento/kyaraben master..
thank you hahhaha. Bento master? nuuuuu long way to go!
Being a new mum myself, I can totally relate to this. It’s so easy to lose your identity during this whole motherhood thing without even realising it cause you are too busy cleaning up drool and throw up on baby, yourself and furniture…. That’s why i think it’s important to strike a balance! Mums need me time too for whatever she wants to do!
And that’s why I went for my hair appointment even though baby was with me, got lost at Mid Valley, pram broke at car park and what felt like holding a bag of rice (baby) throughout the whole time.
I notice many famous bloggers decreasing in popularity/influence after having a baby as the write less posts/less interesting content. This is obviously not their fault, as their child should be their priority. But Junya is almost a year old and you’ve never slipped into that post-baby rut that always seems to follow. Is that too senti-emmental? love you Cheesie 🙂
kinda love this post. feels pretty real. although I am not a parent yet. I guess my biggest fear (maybe) of becoming a parent would be to lose my identity, or in balance in the relationships or being hated by my own child….. I think you are doing a really good job at balancing ur life right now, or at least it appears that way. You still style yourself up, but take care of junya. Also ur bento creations r so awesome! I am usually considered the artistic one in my friends but still cannot dare to make cute bentos cuz I think it will take forever and result in ugliness. lol
anyways, I guess my own conclusion so far is to really teach children how to think. Parents always want the best for their children, but all children are different. So I think the only way to keep good relationship with children is to teach them how to think independently. What they want, what they don’t want, why, why not. So like the mother who didn’t want to force her child on academic, because she didn’t want him to stress out. But what does he want? maybe the child likes to excel in academic!
The unknown is scary but sometimes it turn out really good. Bless that you’ll continue have great relationship with Junya. !
Not married and definitely not a mother yet but this blogpost seems so… Stressful! Gosh, I hope I won’t be in Japan as a mom too. Haha.. Stress…
May I know where I can watch this drama? with eng sub of course. I have my reservations about stepping into motherhood, so I am hoping to get more insights from this and see if I would be missing something wonderful about being a mom!