I would like to nominate today for the “Most Moronic Day in Cheesie’s Life” Award 2005. (But apparently it has lotsa competitors too.)

Because i just did it again.

When i thought i was very very much disillusioned, i just went into an illusion all over again. Of course, i end up getting another disillusion again at the end of the day.

I really feel moronic today.
(You ask: only today?)
I mean, more so today. But i couldnt help. Being in an illusion is sometimes, cheesarific. You feel real, you feel alive. So real, so alive you wish you will forever be in your illusory world. But when you wake up in reality you feel the exact opposite. It’s the same as my Nightmare Theory. Call me an escapist. I big time am one.

Illusion makes me a temporary princess. Well, temporary is better than none. You get everything you want. Of course, imaginary ones. It is seriously magical. In my illusory world everyone is an illusionist too. Everyone can pull a cheese-baked rabbit out of a cheese-baked hat. Everything you do seems so deja vu, yet so real-time. Maybe it was coincidence, maybe it was not.

But what if when the pain a disillusion causes far outweights your temporary satisfaction. You start to wonder if you might as well just join the Moronic Anonymous.

I felt moronic because i actually attempted to be genuine and truthful when you know very clearly you will very obviously be looked askance at, forever. No amount of sincerity is going to change how someone perceive you. The harder you try, the more you distant yourself from what you really desire.

Sighs. Now where’s that potion to stop me from all these delusional love for animated movie characters?