Of tenderness and toughness of a mother

April 30, 2017 in Commercial Break 0 Cheesed

Sakura is turning 1 next month and Junya is turning 3 the month after next. 不知不觉 I have already taken up the daunting job as a mother for 3 years.

You’d think that I’d be quite experienced at my job now but noooooo. Every single day is a new challenge and every single day I am still repeating a trial and error process and learn from where I have failed.

Junya is in a dilemma between wanting to be the independent big boy who doesn’t need to hold hands on the road and can pour his own milk and eat only whatever he wants, yet at the same time a baby whom mama will carry from his bed to the living room upon waking and put on his socks.

(Only want to eat the icing part of the donut. -_-)

Should have had a whole pack of Pursoft’s new 3ply soft pack in the stroller to clean up all the mess on the go!

Never ever let me wipe his milk moustache.

He will ask for a mirror to check and wipe himself lol.

And as a mother of a child at a stage of emotional conflicts, I have to adapt to many roles. I have to be firm and tough when he is testing boundaries, and I have to be soft and tender when he needs to be reassured. And I don’t always get it right and do the correct thing at the correct times.

About pouring his own milk, there’s a 90% chance that he will accidentally spill -____-. It’s a lot of work ok!! Wiping the table, the chair, the floor, the milk carton, sometimes he tries to help but it’s always just 越帮越忙. -_-.

That’s not all. He also wants to pour his own soup, sauce, etc.

Do you know how much tissue I need a day? -_-

It is a lot of 麻烦, but I also understand that this is a necessary and crucial phase we need to go through in order for him to advance to the next stage in life. But for now it just feels like it’s neverendingggggggggggg.

Sometimes I get frustrated and upset. Sometimes I nag and nag and nag. Sometimes I keep quiet and try to hold it all back, yet he knows and asks me, “why mama angry at me?”

Sometimes I have to just brace myself for the heartache when he insists doing something that I already know confirm will fail, but I let him try and fail anyway, so that he learns.

Sometimes we argue, and he ends up saying “dowan mama mama go away. I want to cry. And then mama go to work. Bye bye mama.” and I end up feeling heartbroken. Sometimes I leave him crying on the sofa until he falls asleep.

But he always, always, always calls out “mama, mama!!” in his dreams.

And that is how I know no matter how tough he tries to be he still really needs me. I am the only person who can comfort him when he has a nightmare. As soon as he can feel my presence or hear my voice, he promptly drifts back to sleep. And that is how I realized the power of the soft touches of a mother. And that no matter how rough the day was, my frustration all gets melted away upon seeing his sleeping face. All mothers tell me they feel the same.

And we all only want the best for our children. But the little ones don’t know (yet).

 

This Mother’s Day, Pursoft pays tribute to all mothers out there.

Pursoft supports every mother’s path by providing the quality a mother possesses:

Strength and toughness – the 3 and tissue is thick and soft enough to wipe the chocolate sauce off the little mouths.

Giving the best – only OBA free tissue is used to ensure the best for the family

Comfort and tenderness – only 100% virgin pulp is used for the safest touch with evert use on delicate skin.

Pursoft now comes in new Chocolate Rain Designs for the soft packs!

Can fit into the baby diaper bag and bring it everywhere!

You can visit www.pursoft.com.sg/samples to get a free PurSoft Travel Pack sample today! *While stocks last

You can also visit FairPrice Online for an introductory offer price from 1st – 31st May!

• 3 ply Facial Box – 2 for $8.95

• 3 ply Travel Pack -2 for $3.55

• 3 ply Soft Pack – 2 for $7.95

 

Here’s Pursoft’s video dedication for Mother’s Day this year. I soooooo can relate to it, especially the toilet part XD.

Ganbatte mama! ^^

HomeAway in Japan

I was really really looking forward to our trip to Japan this spring, because it would be the first time seeing cherry blossom after missing it 2 years in a row.

However we had a problem. As everyone knows, the sakura season is insanely crowded with tourists in Japan. We confirmed our trip only a few weeks prior to flying, and we could not find an accommodation. Our regular apartment chains were fully booked, and hotels weren’t really an option as we need family-friendly amenities. We panicked.

In the end what saved us was HomeAway‘s vacation rental. They have more than a million whole home rental options across 190 countries, and thankfully there were lots of listings available in both Tokyo and Osaka. True that during this super peak season, most of the rental rates were higher than usual, but we were just very happy to secure an accommodation for our family.

For the first two days in Tokyo, we stayed in a spacious newly built apartment in Ebisu.

Check out the luggages we have!! There’s no way we would fit all these in a small hotel room.

I love this place because it is the only unit on ground floor, no elevator needed, no staircase to climb, full privacy all for ourselves!

Junya busy inspecting every single feature of the apartment.

You have no idea how thankful I was because I really rarely stay in an apartment where I could fully open and lay my luggage case flat on the floor (plus a lot of extra space). I’m serious. This is a luxury many people do not understand lol.

A clean and tidy pantry equipped with fry pans, pots and basic kitchenware for simple cooking.

And the bed… THE BED!!!!

Do you know how nice it is to see king-size bed in Japan? T___T. All along we stayed in apartments with the largest bed being a double bed, and we had to be resourceful to improvise a bigger bed – by connecting sofas, ottoman, cushion etc to accommodate our family of four.

This is the first ever time Junya gets a whole double bed to himself. Usually he is the kelian one who had to sleep on bath towel-covered ottoman lolol.

You know what I love the most? Cuddling my babies on the bed …

while watching Japanese tv. 😀

Sakura comfortably fell asleep on the bed.

This apartment is a few minutes walk to Ebisu station on Yamanote Circle line, so it is extremely convenient. I could easily travel to Harajuku all by myself with the two petits.

Spotted a newly blossomed sakura tree in Harajuku!

Met up with RinRin in full lolita dress (she had a tea party that day) and Li from UK, whom I have not met for four years!! Reunited in Tokyo ❤︎

I would really love to stay in the Tokyo apartment for a few more days but we had to leave for Osaka after two nights!

At Haneda airport waiting for our flight to Itami, Osaka.

Bento before boarding.

And then checked into our apartment in Osaka!

Wa wa wa someone is taking this whole bed thing a little too seriously lol. 5 beds in total!!!!

It’s a little too many to be honest, but we are not complaining haha.

Of course it would be nice if we had more people staying with us so we can utilize the space for effectively, but we needed it so urgently (the listings were getting booked by the minutes!) we just grab whatever we could find, and we really wanted to stay around Shinsaibashi/Dotonburi area.

A lot of apartments come with free pocket wifi, so you save even more!! 😀

Taken using my Theta 360 camera!

This one is taken by Junya ^^

He just kept snapping!

Even if you don’t cook, I would advise you to look for an apartment with a microwave, because it’s likely you will want to heat up some food especially for baby. You can also now buy frozen food from supermarkets or combini and heat it up for a quick meal especially when you don’t feel like eating out.

I always buy an emergency stash of food and keep in the freezer in case of lazy days like when I just feel too tired to get dressed again and head out for supper.

Combini food 😀 (and ooops that pile of laundry :P)

If you stay longer than just a couple of days, you will also need a washing machine so you can do your laundry. Laundry services in Japan could be quite pricy.

Joined double beds = quadruple bed!

This apartment is a short walk away from major departmental store Daimaru, and Dotonburi, so it is super convenient!

Kinryu ramen – an Osaka must-eat. They say that if you are used to the rich tonkotsu ramen taste from Tokyo, all Osaka equivalent will taste kind of too bland. It’s true, I still prefer the fail-safe Ichiran. 😛

Takoyaki!!

Walked pass a shrine and it was full bloom!! 😀 Ahhhhh how I love spring… ♥

We even walked all the way to Kuromon market for all the yummy eats!

And then to Tsutenkaku Tower for a leisure stroll.

During our 12-day stay in Osaka, we also made day trips to Mie, Hiroshima and Hyogo prefectures. Will blog more in details soon! 😀

If you decide to book your whole home experience with HomeAway, here are some pointers from me to ensure that you have a smooth and happy travel experience.

1. Look out for huge “Last Minute Deal” discount! This was our apartment in Osaka and it is now only 4,000JPY after a 60% discount. Sooooo cheap omg.

2. You can pay attention to this section during booking to ensure that you pick an apartment with the amenities you need, such as a kitchen/washing machine.

3. Do read reviews about the host and usually a good host has a good response rate, and replies you within a day or even within hours. This is super important as you will want someone easily accessible when you encounter any problems with your accommodation.

4. It’s also good to communicate with the host before booking. (i.e. baby cot, late check-in/check-out, baggage storage, if there is a lift or stairs only) Will be helpful to help you determine if the apartment suits your travel needs.

5. Read the house rules and follow through. I saw on Japanese TV that some apartments in Japan stopped vacation rentals in Japan because the tourists have caused too much troubles, like loud noises, improper garbage disposal and nuisance to residents, etc. So please be a good tenant, be considerate to your neighbors as well as your host so that the hosts and residents are happy, and that more owners will be encouraged to rent out their homes, so in return we get more and better options! Create a good cycle so that more people can continue to benefit from this. 🙂

And lastly, if you are looking to make a HomeAway booking soon, you can use the code “HOMEAWAYCHEESIE” for 8% off!!

www.homeaway.com

Happy vacationing! ^^

 

 

 

 

 

Coordinate Spring 2017

I feel shy to even call it “coordinate” because they are technically just “random pieces of clothing I grab from beneath my toddler’s feet to put on and lumps of make up I hastily brush against my face so I look human when we are already very, very late for the intended train ride to catch“.

To be honest I don’t even dare to post #ootd photos anymore because I feel that I have been so out of touch with whatever that’s in-trend now because the word “fashionable” has disappeared from my life from quite a while ago. I haven’t bought any fashion-related item for myself for at least a year. Or more. And the last time I took a selfie was when I accidentally pressed the front camera button and all you could see was my chin and a big frown.

To think that NHK Tokyo Kawaii called me the “Miracle Fashion Blogger”. The irony.

 

But I was in Japan. In spring. Among a sea of cherry blossom. I would be a painful insult to such wondrous beauty if I just bluntly stepped into it without putting any effort on myself.

So I tried to put on some nice clothes and decent make up and do something about my hair.

It is basic respect. For the surrounding nature and myself.

The danna forced me to buy new clothes for myself. (Seriously, this is the first time I heard about a husband who does that instead of stopping his wife from buying more clothes lolol) And he wanted me to buy nice, good quality apparel that I would cherish for a long time. (Because I have been buying only cheap stuff from fast fashion brands that I always end up giving away…)He said if I don’t spend money I will become stingier and stingier.

What…?

But it is true. I It is so scary because I really lost the desire in shopping for myself. I no longer have a shopping wish list. All I cared about now is good strawberries and diapers on sale.

So, this trip to Japan, I have rediscovered the joy of fashion. The happiness of buying things that make you look good. The wonderful feeling on blending in to a beautiful picture. In Japan. Looking at all the pretty ladies made me ashamed. Some of them are like me too. They have kids. They are as busy as me. But they make themselves look beautiful. I can too.

The danna forced me to buy lots of shoes. Every time he sees a nice pair he told me I should get it. (and then he bought one pair as my birthday present).

But they are all black!!!! 

I protest.

Can’t I buy a different color? Like navy or white or something.

He said no. They are all of different styles, and I don’t even meet the basic requirement of having a complete set of black shoes meant for different occasions. Once the collection is complete that then only I am allowed to buy other colors. And I should.

That’s how I know, I have indeed married the best husband I could ever find lol.

So this trip, it was my economical contribution to Japan. For inspiring me once again to look good. To love fashion again. And looking decent and pretty in Japan is my appreciation and respect for this amazing land.

The first day I  styled my hair in a long, loooooong time. And I felt good. We were on the way to #76inOsaka’s first hanami gathering.

Bought lots of new clothes for @cheesiepetit too. Here’s a twinning coordinate.

😀

Junya was hiding behind me 😛

Haha fell asleep in my arm ❤︎

New baby Yukata for Sakura. Embroidery linen top from River & Surge.

 

Hairmake 1w

Floral top: About A Girl from Isetan Scotts SG

Salopette: Ray Beams

Sakura’s coordinates were for 4-6 months old, still can wear XD

^^

Hairmake 2

Flew from Tokyo to Osaka that day.

 

Hairmake 3

Top & salopette set: UNIQLO

3-way hairband: Lowry’s Farm

Hair styled straight with Number76’s Hair Beauron straightener.

Sakura’s clothes are from UNIQLO and Muji!

 

Hairmake 4

Messy hair with Number76’s Hair Beauron straightener too.

Pink border top from Lowry’s Farm.

Complete with pink make.

Straw hat from UNIQLO.

The same Lowry’s Farm hairband worn another way!

Back.

 

Hairmake 5

Sweater borrowed from danna

Hair bow from Daiso.

Haha.

 

Hairmake 6

A little Otona style.

Styled straight with Hair Beauron Straightener.

Black top from Journal Standard

Nude lips

 

Hairmake 7

Messy waves with dango.

Floral dress from About A Girl, Isetan Scotts SG.

Sometimes you don’t really want curls but just a bit volume for your hair and you only have a hair straightener, here’s how you do it!

Short video:

That’s all for today! ^^

Now that I am back KL (for a few days before returning to SG), I hope that I will continue to be inspired to dress up and not get too lazyyyyy.

 

Omiyage Spring 2017

Quick omiyage shopping haul post! The usual every time I come back from Japan ^^.

Most of the items are from combini, Akachanhonpo (baby products), Don Quijote!

First there’s world yummiest granola – Furugura from Calbee. The usual version is sold in Singapore but I have not seen these editions yet. On the left is 20% less carb version and on the right is a seasonal edition Tropical Coconut flavor.

Everyone’s favorite snack Cheeza in diffrent cheese flavors.

Hunted for this eye cream for a friend as she said it is quite good, so got myself a tube too. It’s only 1000+ yen!!

Random cosmetic goods from drug store.

The most popular sun block in Japan now!! The latest version (white) is baby safe, and the gold packaging is water proof. 

Saw the TV commercial for this product and I was immediately sold. New spray-type dish detergent. Especially useful for bottles, tumblers, cups and dishes where sponges are difficult to reach.

Aojiru (green juice) from Yakult and placenta jelly I tried a few years ago, I *think* I feel that my skin did become better so bought it to try again!

65pcs mask cuz it’s sooo cheap! 300+ yen for a whole box!!

All of these are around 100 yen. White sesame seed, dried black fungus and chili flakes.

Lemon juice and salt lemon paste from Hiroshima.

Anpanman toddler scissors for Junya.

New clothes for Sakura!

Sakura’s food! The ones in a tube are vegetable and fruit puree.

These are steamed vegetables that makes cooking for baby sooooo easy! It’s ready to eat/add to food and is the right texture and size for baby from 9 months onwards. (For younger babies you just have to mash it).

Shimajiro! Shimajiro stick boro, and curry for 1 year old and 3 year old. Perfect for Sakura and Junya.

Instant cake set!!

For Sakura’s birthday. Since I’ll be too lazy to hold a party for Sakura, these will be perfect for a simple home party for the family. ^^

Chopsticks for different people haha. Sumikko Gurashi chopstick for an adult friend, Hello Kitty and Plarail training chopsticks for friend’s kids, and Frozen advanced training chopstick for Junya.

Then….. we have ALL THE PINK SAKURA STUFF!!! 😀

Kyoto Sakura Konpeito (a type of traditional Japanese rock candy).

Preserved sakura petals. You can use it to make tea/confectionery.  ^^

To be honest I have no idea what this is at all. It is supposed to be a supplement but… for what? It doesn’t really say. @.@. It just says it is a sakura fragrance capsule that will turn you into an exquisite Japanese beauty who exudes the scent of cherry blossom lololol. OK BUY. #marketingwin

Sakura jelly and puddin with sakura petals in them.

Sakura (packaging) baby cheese and rose beauty candy.

This year’s spring kitkat is Sakura Sake flavored!

And lastly, many, many many many new Gotochi kitty to my collection. ♥

I have sooooooo many other posts to share! One by one slowly. ^^

34 months VS 11 months

April 10, 2017 in Baby 3 Cheesed

Junya turns 2 years 10 months today, and Sakura is 11 months old now.

This month we spent most of our time in Japan, so it is 3 whole weeks 24 hours altogether again.

Same nap same bed again.W12

Here’s the regular monthly update!

For Junya

Also read Junya’s  1st month , 2nd month , 3rd month , 4th month , 5th month , 6th month , 7th month 8th month, 9th month , 10th month , 11th month , 12th month , 13th month , 14th month 15th month , 16th month , 17th month , 18th months , 19th month , 20th month ,21st month , 22nd month , 23rd month 24th month , 25th month , 26th month , 27th month , 28th month , 29th month , 30th month , 31st month , 32nd month and 33rd month here.

He is talking sooooo much to the point he has become very noisy I have to shush him all the time lol. In the restaurant, on the train, while everyone is sleeping, etc etc etc.

 

Slogan

How do you know when you switch on the tv too often: When your toddler can recite every single TV commercial’s slogan and jingles.

We watch only Japanese channels so now he says/sings

“Calpis. Karada ni peace.”

“O nedan ijyou Nitori.”

“UQ Mobile. Dazo!”

“Levain party de kensaku.”

 

Mama Look At Me

This month he has learnt how to demand for my attention. Full, undivided attention.

In the beginning he was just calling “mama, mama.” every 5 seconds. While I’m at work, while I am talking, any time, anywhere. Sometimes when I’m having a serious conversation I couldn’t respond and he would be calling, “mama. mama. MAMA? MAAAMAAAAAA!” louder and louder until I respond. (I tried to tell him to wait for me to finish a conversation, he would say “hai.” and then call again 10 seconds later. He gives me 5 bonus seconds to talk lol.)

And then soon enough he has also learnt to differentiate between a genuine respond and a anyhow respond. When he tries to tell me something, I cannot just acknowledge his statement, I must show that I am REALLY listening. For example this happens when I am really, really busy either with work or deep in a conversation with other adults:

Junya: Mama, just now we go yellow train right?

Mama: *without looking* Yes we did.

Junya: Mama, look at me. Just now we go yellow train right?

Mama: *glance at him* Yes, we did. 

Junya: MAMA, look at me. Just now we go yellow train right?

Mama: *pauses conversation or whatever I’m doing* Yes, we took the yellow train for shopping, and we had udon, remember? Sooo yummy! Let’s go again!”

Junya: *big wide grin*

Yes. Not only you have to acknowledge whatever he is telling you, but to also show that you understand and preferably if you can elaborate on the related content as well.

 

Phone Ban

Most of the time it is the parents who ban screen time from their children. But it’s the opposite here. Yes I admit I am on the phone a lot (check Instagram la read gossip news la chat with friends etc etc etc), to the point that my son is now limit my screen time.

Junya recently loves to cook and wash/cut/style my hair. So he is always serving me imaginary curry/soup/cake and getting me a fancy hair cut. Today he said he wanted to “wash my hair” so he got me to lie down on the couch, and then started to fumble with my hair in a char-kuey-teow-uncle way. And I was editing a video to post on Instagram.

Junya: Mama, you put down the phone.

Mama: Oh. Hmmm… but usually customers can use their phone in the salon while getting a hair wash, right?

Junya: *grabs my phone away* No mama, you put down the phone, ok? I wash your hair.

Mama: But I need it!

Junya: No, it will get wet.

 

Baby Oniichan

Sakura has achieved many new milestones, like walking with support, doing funny faces, calling mama and papa in cute voices… etc. Every time she does something new I get very excited and would praise overzealously. “WOW Sakura, WELL! DONE!!”. And immeeeeediately her brother would barge in and mimic the exact same thing that his sister just did (a funny tongue-out face/walk awkwardly). Of course I have to be fair and say, “Wow baby Jun Jun, WELL! DONE!”.

 

Junya says

1. We were talking about our trip to Japan.

Junya: Mama we fly Air Asia or Japan Airline?

Mama: Japan Airlines.

Junya: Good choice, mama!

 

2. Junya dropped his spoon on the floor.

Mama: Please pick up your spoon.

Junya: Mama cry then I pick up.

(Same goes when I ask him to find something or even give a hug. “Mama cry then I find.” “Mama cry then I hug.”)

 

3. We were inside an apartment in Tokyo.

Junya: MAMA! Very cold! Can you off the aircon?

Mama: There’s no aircon here. It’s the weather.

Junya: Mama, can you off the weather? I don’t want weather.

 

4. Before sleep.

Junya: I love mama.

Mama: How much?

Junya: Twenty one dollars.

 

5. Junya points to the sky at the crescent moon.

Junya: Mama, BANANA MOON!

 

6. Sakura slaps mama in the face.

Mama: OUCH.

Junya: *giggles wildly* I also want ouch. *slaps mama in the face*.

 

7. At random times.

Junya: Mama, what is the light doing?

Junya: Mama, what is the kitchen doing?

 

8. Mama lulling Sakura to sleep and singing “Good night good night, my baby Sakura…”

Junya: *in a demanding singing tone* Good night good night, my baby oniichan!

Junya: (if in a good mood) Good night good night, my baby mama.

 

First hanami

Yeap. At two years old.

 

For Sakura

Read Sakura’s 1st month, 2nd month , 3rd month , 4th month , 5th month 6th month , 7th month , 8th month 9th month and 10th month here.

^^

She is getting more and more smiley every day, and sooooo gentle compared to Junya this age. They way she plays with people and toys. Even when she slaps me it’s soft and gentle one T__T. They say girls would be more easily managed physically, I sure hope so. Or else I’d be stuck with two destructive monsters T__T.

 

Second Child

 

They say that if your second child is a girl, she is usually stronger than her brother. In a way I think it is true. It probably has to do with how I parent both kids differently too. The first child is always most precious, we are super paranoid with every single thing. Remember how you sterilized every single thing religiously, every day and warm up your formula and baby food to the perfect temperature? Nope. Never gonna happen again lol.

Sakura is adapting to our family life instead of us revolving around her. So she is highly flexible with nap time, food, and environment. Junya was afraid of water and freaked out with sand the first time we went to beach. Sakura chilled in a pool like a pro. Junya had many likes and dislikes when it comes to baby food but Sakura eats eeeeeeeeverything. Cold food, warm food, slightly too hot food. All. Junya needs to be entertained all the time when he was a baby but you can just hand a remote control to Sakura and she can play for years as long as I remain nearby.

 

Walk with support

The biggest milestone this month is to walk with me holding her hands. She gets super excited and happy when she toddles forward step by step!

^^

Automatic Bye Bye

For the last couple of months she would wave bye bye on demand, but now as long as she hears the word bye bye she waves automatically. When oniichan says good bye to other people, when random stranger says bye bye… lol.

Communicating with oniichan

Sakura started talking to her brother. She goes, “ahhh.” and Junya would be very amused and reply “ahhh.” back to her. And then she goes “AH.” and her brother goes “AHHH.” And Sakura goes louder and Junya goes even louder and in the end it becomes a shrieking game. And this happens inside a public train. In Japan. T___T. I want to hide the whole family inside a hole.

Sometimes Junya will be talking to himself and then Sakura will respond to him by shaking her head vigorously. Secretly judging her brother since 10 months old. XD

 

 

😛

She can now mimic all sort of expressions and actions, like cheeky tongue out, clapping, and shake her head vigorously (no no no no no) and randomly. I would be carrying her crossing a junction in Tokyo and she would suddenly shake her head staring at me. 

As for clapping, I first taught her how to clap by holding her hands and putting them together. So now when I ask her to clap, she would first search for my hands with her little palms, and put my hands together to ask me clap lol. And then she would clap herself. XD

Sakura VS Sakura

Of course, this year she meets sakura for the first time ^^.

 

For Mama

This month was havoc (good kind of havoc!!) for mama because, well we are mostly in Japan so I’m mostly in a highly ecstatic good mood. And also I have been going out more for mamatomo dates with other fake Japanese mamas lol.

Carol and Momo. While we dumped our firstborn in school we went for taitai date :P. Momo was born a day after Sakura!

With Nikki and Keian to the play room.

<3

With Carolyn and Qiu for my “surprise birthday”. The cone hats look like they have been photoshopped on but it’s real effort from my real friends ok. 😀

Haha. Until now Junya is still singing the Kushinbo time service song (Dong dong dong! One Two Three! We! Are! Kushinbo!). -___-

My inverted ice cream cone baby!!

 

Of course our own family birthday celebration in Osaka, Japan.

It’s been a very, very happy month for mama. ^^

Stored in Baby | 3 Cheesed

Sakura 2017

After 2 years of missing the blissful clusters of pink everywhere in Japan, I am back.

2012

 

2013

 

2014

 

2015

Didn’t make it to Japan in spring due to the danna’s work commitment.

 

2016

Didn’t make it for cherry blossom because it would be too near my due date with Sakura. But I did manage to catch the one and only early bloomer in Shinjuku gyoen.

 

2017

Hanami on Tuesday in Osaka. This time with Sakura.

Still the best thing ever ♥