Today you turn 15 years old. Happy 15th birthday.
Hi, it’s me. I mean you. Anyway, we haven’t talked in a long time.
Remember the draft you wrote for this 15th anniversary? About how you are thankful but bitter at the same time, about your insecurities, your desperation, your existential crisis, your cynicism, your doubt of self-worthiness?
I deleted that post.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you wasted all the late hours staying up crafting a post which you are not quite sure you wanted to write in the first place.
I deleted it because I don’t think we needed it anymore. I deleted it because I think it’s time we talk.
Firstly and most importantly, I want to tell you that you did well. You are doing well. And I am proud of you.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t ever allow anyone to tell you that you are not enough. You are enough. In fact it is unbelievable how enough you are.
You are amazing to me.
You tried, even when things seemed really, really, really impossible.
You did not know what to do but you tried.
You tried everything.
You kept trying.
You pulled yourself together.
You expected no one else but yourself to help.
You tried to focus on the good and the now even when the shadows of the past tried to so ferociously consume you.
You failed. You made mistakes. You regretted. You are tired. You tripped. You felt guilty. You lost it. You gave up. You ungaveup. You gave up again. You ungaveup again. You blamed all sorts of things. You hated yourself. You hated everyone. You thought that you weren’t good enough. You thought that you will never be good enough.
And that’s okay. Because I forgive you.
I know you didn’t mean it. I know it was just part of your attempt to keep trying. You were and are trying all sorts of things you could just in hope to make things a little better.
You are not sure if it is all better, but you keep trying.
You keep trying to be better. And that’s enough. Trying is enough.
You did well.
In fact it shocked me how well you did. So, thank you.
Thank you for trying.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for loving yourself.
I love you too.
Thank you for keeping this blog alive for 15 years. You will always have me even if you lose everyone else. I’m here. Your most loyal reader in this world.