Cancelled my trip to Japan. It’s more like for the sake of not worrying people who care about me since there are so many rumors and warnings, like not to eat Japanese food for the next 10 years if not your baby will become a mutant octopus or something like that.

Ok i exaggerated. But that’s exactly how rumors come about.

So i was very sad. Listening to Japanese songs also sad. Eat Japanese food also sad. Wear Japanese make up also sad. Totally unnecessarily dramatic and overreacting and utterly whiny and annoying.

The other day someone left a comment on my blog and said i should “calm the fuck down”, which i agree la. There’s nothing much i could do to help the situation except donating, which i already did, unless i actually fly to Japan and physically help out, which people fear i risk turning myself into a mutated glittery Na’vi who probably has skin cancer, which i don’t intend to.

Then the fella also commented that i should stop pretending as if i worship the ground Japanese people walk on. Haih. actually, i don’t only worship the ground they walk on, i wish I WAS  the asphalt that fills up the cracks of their shattered ground.


I also wish i have hands so long i can hug the entire Japan.

Over these years i have gotten so many remarks saying that i should stop pretending to be a Japanese, or i should stop trying to be a Japanese, because i am not. I am, of course not. Even if i changed my name to Gyu Tan, i’m just a yummy ox tongue in Japanese, not a Japanese. When i was dating TK, i also received the nastiest comments saying i’m a traitor who forgot how Japanese people killed out ancestor and raped our women.

Problem is, i didn’t even experience it, let alone remember, so how to forget? I didn’t grow up having my grandparents or mom asking me to detest Japanese. I grow up with famicon, Sony, Honda, Toyota, domokun, Doraemon, Hello Kitty and more. Nobody ask me not to play with them also. I simply cannot relate to something that happened like what, sixty years ago? Plus for a fact, i know that most of the young Japanese people still feel bad about what happened in the past, and if anything, the horrible history has made them strive to be better people, which they did.

I have seen some people brought up the issue of Pearl Harbour or whatever during the earthquake, and to some of the Japanese people replied, “we really have nothing at our defense to say to that”.

That said, it’s not like i love every single aspect of Japan (people/culture) to the max la. I do have many bad experiences and negative thoughts about Japan sometimes. The most obvious one was when people ask me (all the time), “Since you like it so much, why don’t you move to Japan?”, it got me thinking for a very long time. I don’t think i can work and live there permanently, simply because i don’t think i can adapt fully to the way the whole society functions.

And dating a Japanese was also one of the most stressful time in my life because i was so imperfect in so many ways. The way i ate, the way i held my chopsticks, the way i spoke, the way i dressed and even the way i sat and walked, was all wrong. And i had to learnt a whole new culture all over again. And it wasn’t without much heartbreak and tears. After the whole thing i was just like, fuck this shit, i will never date a Japanese ever again.

But on hindsight, even though it seemed like a lot of sacrifices and humiliation and utter ego-deflation, i realized that i have become a more civilized and well-mannered person. It’s true. I would have frowned too if i see the way i behaved back then, so it’s all good.

As for criticizing me to be a Japanese wannabe and acting as if i’m ashame of my own culture and roots. Honestly? I am indeed a little ashamed of my culture and roots, especially after witnessing the earthquake and how i would have reacted differently under the same predicament. I am ashamed that i am rude, selfish and irresponsible.

Just ponder, how many of us here, can queue orderly outside a store, grab as little food as you need so that other people get their share too, when your whole family is starving? How many of us here, can remain calm and actually attempt to protect the store and give priority to customers when an emergency happens? I most definitely can’t do the same. Not even close.

I have seen enough people who lose their temper or behave nastily just because they didn’t get what they want, or lose a game, or lose a gamble, or just lose their face. They threaten, fight and curse the other person’s entire family and pets plus three generations of ancestors and maybe throw a chair or two. Imagine what happens when you are dealing with death, and everyone is in panic?

But the people in Japan displayed utmost good will, discipline and generosity when one of the world’s most horrible disasters happens.

There are so many other stories and example i have read and seen personally, that brought many tears to my eyes. These are the most excellent examples of a human specimen.

Which brings back to my question. Is it so wrong, after all, to try to want to be a better human (like the Japanese)? Not to mention they also created/have one of (i added “one of” in case some French or Americans or Singaporeans get defensive.) the world’s best food, best hygiene system, best social manners, most adored fashion scene and most efficient services and crisis management.

I think if the world is full of people like these, maybe we don’t really need a heaven after all.

Haih. Dowan say liao la. I sound so emo and irritating.