SAVE MY MANE!!!
Some kind folk commented my hair is a jungle thick but heck, the jungle is set on fire and is slowly burning down. Can you see the SOS signal yet?
I AM HAVING A MASSIVE HAIR LOSS!
Help! I lose so much hair I am in sheer horror when I look at the floor every morning I wake up. It’s like… it’s like… it looks like it’s been crawled across by one hundred Sadakos when I was sleeping!!
Whenever I leave a seat I will too leave the hair evidence that spells “Cheesie Was Here”. And if I get lost in One Utama, you can rest assured you would be able to track me down by following the signs on the marble floor.
If I gather all my lost hair, I can make a nice wig that I can sell to Natalie Portman. Okay of course I will have to bleach it if Paris Hilton wants it for her hair extension too. I better register myself with eBay.
What is happening? Am I going BALD? Cheesh my menopause is like 30 years away!! *inserts hysterical screams *
After going through a series of careful examination and analysis, I finally came up with 4 possible causes of my thinning mane.
1. My hair must be having a bad time digesting the new shampoo I bought for my oily scalp. It must be menthoxypropenediol or isobutylparaben or pyridoxine HCL (ya whatever, I don’t care) intolerant. It’s reacting badly and now it is having a severe diarrhea.
2. My hair must have grown so long that my daily nutrient intake is insufficient to keep it survive. It’s malnourished and it’s dying!! I should actually eat more to keep it alive but that would make me fat. Help!
3. It must be a punishment for being such a meanie to other people’s…erm, hair. I must confess–I send my secret hair samurai on a mission in a middle of every night to chop off any hair 1mm longer than mine. Karma man karma. Stop this sin my Hair Samurai, shall we?
4. It must be… the oversalted cheesy snacks I have been consuming. They say salt and sodium make you lose hair, yadaa yadaa… Yea I know! Ok shut up, because i’m not quitting. Cheese tasting is my profession okay. Will you give up your job if it makes you lose hair?
If none of the above reasons make sense, I know what it is.
The Hair God is mis-using her power to make me lose hair. She probably steals my hair when I was sleeping. She is extremely jealous of my hair because it is now officially longer than hers.
Gimme back my hair, you bitch!
Ok this is seriously no joke. If anyone finds a solution, call me at you-know-what-number and I promise you may keep the precious wig. If Natalie Portman rejects it you can still sell it to the Korean horror movie direcor. Deal?