The reason why my typing sucks

March 5, 2006 in Cheesellaneous

Stop complaining why i type so slow and that I complain that you type so slow.

Because I have the reason to and you don’t.

Everybody has the ability to type unless you are fingerless. I saw once a fingerless lady play bingo with a bingo blotter taped to her hand. It was both impressive and depressing at the same time. If I were you, I will knock myself with a 3-pounds edam on my head when I see the way Cheesie types.

Because, Cheesie is typingly-challenged.

Not that I am dyslexic or having fingeretardation. Simply because, my nails are long. Like, freaking long.

So why do I keep such long nails?

Answer A: So that I don’t need to waste money buying nail extensions. They are EXPENSIVE!

Answer B: It’s my secret weapon (Oh well, since I revealed it, no longer a secret then) against all kind of enemies. Having them, I don’t need to spend half a minute fumbling in my multi-pocketed handbag to find that stinkacheese spray. So dun pray pray ya!

Answer C: So that I can show people that I am talented. *smug* When my potential employer asks: (Skip this, you banana, go take up some mandarin course)

“你有什么专长?”

Then I can answer

“啊我有两项专长—我的头发和指甲特别长”

Answer D: Long nails are beautiful. Ask Ayumi Hamasaki!

Show you some pictures ok. These are all MY nails! =D

Oh yes, my nails are THAT long.

And in case you are wondering, they are REAL, for cheese’s cake.

Manicurists fear me because they said I waste their nail polish. And time. Too bad they don’t have a policy like saloons where they can charge higher for longer hair.

Now you are curious. “So Cheesie, how exactly do you type?” You ask.

“I use my knuckles to type la” is often the answer you will get from me.

But knuckle reminds me of that crispy German pork thingie. I don’t want to be associated with a PIG!!!

>_Type (no pun intended) A—The finger-tip typing

It is comfortable. But that is also the reason why you always see me type“I’m crazy abou tit” and “I love salad with salmons lice” . Also, the “tit u bust” joke.

Type B—The nail typing

Trust me. It HURTS!!!! >_

Type C—The infamous pork knuckle

This is okay. But that is also why you always laugh at my:

“I went to see the dentish today”
“sorry denist”
“densit”
“dentits”
“dentist!!! Fukkacino!!”

=_=

Type D—The latest typing aid for unfortunate typingly-challenged person (you can use anything really)


This one is most accurate. My favorite typing aid is my thin lip gloss stick (as above pic). But once again, that’s the reason why you see “Cheesie is writing a message” at the bottom of your MSN window but nothing comes out after one minute.

Now that I have debunked most of my typing myths, you have one final question to ask.

“Your nails are so beautiful (insert whatever compliment that pleases me, remember you are asking a favor ok.! May I know how do you keep them so long?”

*smug*

My secret is……

I don’t cut them.

Muahahahaha.

But I’m serious. They just, grow. Like hair. Your hair won’t suddenly just break into half will it? Something’s wrong with your nails. Go consult your manicurist.

If that answer doesn’t quite satisfy you, later I will go take a picture of the content of my fridge then you might understand how my daily calcium intake contributes to such strong nails.

=)