I’m feeling so much better now!!! Just picked up my red MINI  for review arhhhhh such a babe! Thanks BMW!

i haven’t felt so crap in a long time. Every time i feel like crap, i want to run away. Have a holiday. and then everything will be okay again.

But there’s just one problem.

The problem is that, i just came back from a holiday. And i reckon that’s the precise reason why i’m feeling like crap.  i dunno which part of the trip made me feel like crap, because it was a great trip and all, although this is my 4th visit to Taipei and it did start to get a bit boring with all the same things in the city. So come to think of it maybe it’s just a regular crap day, or week, whatever. (There’s a difference between periodic depression and period depression. The former seems more likely because it’s not the time of the month just yet.)

There’s a great and profound irony in this whole escapism theory. The fact that a holiday manages to make me feel like crap is making me feel like crap. And the crap feeling makes me wanna take a holiday.

i have decided to make 2009 a holiyear (it’s like a holiday, a holiweek and so on and so forth). Screw recession. A holiyear may happen only once in a life time, i reckoned i have lived a quarter of a century, and i most definitely deserve a holiyear.

So i bought my ticket to Taipei because i could not go to Japan, and TK could not come to Malaysia. And we spent 4 days together in a city more or less in the middle of our home countries. And 4 days was really short and before i knew it i’m back here again.

i just hate having to leave a city alone. Sit on a plane alone. Eat crap in-flight food. Take a cab back home alone. I just hate the whole alone idea.

im not quite sure why i feel like crap still. The fact that im back at home somehow has an amazingly contradictory effect. i feel like home but i feel like it’s just this place i have been trying to get out from. Like i’m stuck here again, like a piece of crap in a jammed toilet.

It’s maybe not so much the parting that depresses me. Nor the end of a holiday. It’s more like not knowing where i will go next. (Well of course i know where i’m going next. i’m going to go get a drink from my fridge. and i am going to CTRL+A and backspace this whole post, shut down the computer and go back to sleep because i’m so tired. But no i dont know where i will go next. Metaphorically speaking).

People say to go with the flow, but you don’t say that to someone who feels like crap. Because that will be like flushing a piece of crap down the toilet bowl and then telling it to go with the flow.