It’s for the better.
October 17, 2009
TK and I broke up 3 months ago.
It’s been quite a long time, and I never thought it necessary to like, write a blazing ad about it mostly because I felt very protective towards our relationship. (If i cannot find someone in another 9 months or so like Keju, i might consider paying Nuffnang to put up banners for me. Or Keju and i can advertise for each other. Or date each other, though highly unlikely.) And i lazy to explain the story which is longer than a carton of cutie compact rolls.
A lot of people have guessed, because I never blog about him anymore. But a lot of people have not a clue. Every now and then people asked me “when are you going to Japan to visit him again?” and I would force a brave bitter smile and say, “we broke up awhile ago”, feeling a poignant stab in my heart.
But finally I decided to write abit about it, though I have a feeling that it will end up not just “a bit”, but a massive bit. And of course i am writing this on a lonely Saturday night while listening to Yuna Ito’s for full tragic effect.
Anyway, because people’s shocked expression pains me and I don’t wanna see it anymore and also I think not saying anything about it is putting my potential future love life in a gloomy waste bin that’s never gonna see another daylight again. So here you are.
We broke up when I came back from Japan last July, two weeks earlier than my intended schedule. Something happened, but neither of us did anything wrong. When I dragged my sad sorry ass back to Malaysia, I thought that was the end of it.
But the next week, he bought a ticket all the way from Osaka to KLIA just so he could hear me say it to his face in person.
And as always, it never worked like that. It really takes a heartless bitch to say bugger off it’s over to someone who flies 7 hours just to hear you say it. And I attempted to be a heartless bitch, very unsuccessfully.
During his summer break, he came to see me again. He could have chosen to go to the beach with some hot Japanese girls in bikinis in Yokohama or whatever. But he flew another 7 hours to Malaysia. For four days. That is some sincerity of a heart I couldn’t afford to break.
We kept in touch pretty often after that. When he was back here, we hung out. We were seen together all the time, and that is why no one has assumed that we broke up.
Now you say that’s a really complicated relationship. No, it is not complicated at all. I loath the term “it’s complicated” because one, it’s trademarked by Friendster or whatever, second, I hate to reduce a relationship that I valued so much to something like “it’s complicated”. That’s a disgrace to whatever we have had together.
There’s nothing complicated about it’s complicated. Either you are together but somehow not really together, or, not really together but somehow together. Either way it sounds like the same thing to me. So it’s not complicated.
When I write this, I don’t want people to tell me encouraging stories and tell me it’s okay, cheer up, or how they successfully survived a rocky relationship and is now happy and content, or tips for LDR, or shit like that. And I don’t want people to tell me that distance doesn’t matter, age doesn’t matter race doesn’t matter money doesn’t matter or whatever doesn’t matter. Because every inch and mm of whatever you think doesn’t matter does matter.
It mattered.
Distance was one that killed us. Cultural difference was another. And then there was family, principle in life, etc etc. Both of us did so much we could do until there was nowhere, not a single spot on our relationship map where we could point and say “look, this is where we could go”, or “hey, let’s try here, which we have not been!” or even “do you feel like going back there?”. It was a fucking maze we couldn’t find a way across, through, around, or back at it.
I can’t say he hasn’t made enough effort. He has. So much it pains me just to think that it wasn’t going to change anything. Both of us knew that it was hard since the beginning. We argued so many times just because of silly miscommunications. Or like foreign things we didn’t understand about each other. We had a huge argument over the nuances of a Japanese word one day, resulting in him storming off middle of the night and me kicking the bed and hurting my knee in the process.
Another day over lunch he tactfully brought up the subject of sending me back home. He said that he was quite upset that every time he dropped me off, I just walked off straight into my apartment. I was like ??????????????????????? wtf appalled
And then I found out that in Japan, every girl will wait at the door and wave like a clock with a crazy-frog-like big smile until the car disappears into distance. That’s basic courtesy to whoever sends you home.
Then, I explained to him that in such an almost, but not quite entirely undangerous country like Malaysia, it is the complete opposite. You have to see the girl walk into the door (if necessary give her a call and make sure she didn’t faint or break her nail in the elevator or something), disappear then only drive off.
And this is just one of the many many many many misunderstandings that have happened in the past one year. Sometimes it took us months to figure it out. And sometimes we never do.
We cared for each other so much that we fell sick twice because we fell sick when were taking care of each other when either one was sick.
I always wonder how do couples break up when falling out of love was not the reason. How do you?
When we broke up, it was really hard to reach a conclusion as to how our future relationship should be like. We faltered between saying stupid things to make each other hate ourselves to make things easier, to saying nice sweet things to each other (which made it harder, really), and to staying cool (oh lets be friends), to crying non stop because it pained us so fucking much to let it go.
i felt like a 16 year old again. i didn’t know how to deal with it. i dont think break up is something you can learn how to do. There isn’t a proper way to do it. You can grow up and stop yelling at each other stupid and immature stuff, but you cannot learn how to not make the other person sad, or yourself sad, or cure a heartbreak in a heartbeat.
And we don’t know if we should keep in touch. it pains us to talk to each other, and it pains us to not talk to each other. whichever way it was die die both ways. it is easier to get dumped, really. i think i would prefer to get dumped. than to have to make a choice. at least i wont spend every single second thinking what if i regret it. at least getting dumped is easy. you just cry and get over it.
I then talked to a friend. He says, if we are in a dilemma hurt, clueless and not knowing what do to, the hard way is usually the way out.
Sounds like something that could possibly be what we called the truth.
The day before I left Osaka, we had the most amazing day out. i dressed up nicely, we went to Aruru to cancel our Tokyo trip (which we so looked forward to. Sad), and then went shopping because i had so much extra cash i didn’t need anymore. Went grocery shopping and i bought tons of mentaiko stuff. And then we went searching for Fugu for dinner but sadly no restaurant had it because it was summer and so gone my dream of dying romantically of Fugu poison together in an Izakaya with my lover. And then we went to pachinko, lost quite a lot of money, and then went for purikura and took really nice photos. And then played some games and UFO and i caught a snack thingie he wanted.
And then we went up to the mountain. He bought me grilled tarako and mentaiko and cheese&bacon onigiri to choose from. They were from 7-11. Because i couldn’t eat properly at dinner after what happened.
We sat down on the edge of our transparent umbrella because the grass was cold and wet. We then just gazed silently at the city beneath us. That was when he told me he wanted to marry me next year.
The mountain was tragically magnificent. All those misfortunes that had happened just seemed to magnify under a pale beautiful moonlight. It was too cold for a summer night.
And then I my tears just came rolling down because I realized how much I love this place and how fucking beautiful it was.
But everything will always have to come to an end. Especially good things. And sometimes it is for the better.
*hug cheesie*
don’t be emo okay? if emo call Nuffnang out we go eat good food.
*pat pat*
i wan siew yok
you’ll find someone. i believe that.
i feel so sad after reading this…
dun sad. i blog bout something happier k!
i can’t console u by saying i understand cuz i don’t think i do,
but i just wanna wish you all the best =)
this post is so beautifully written.
thank you
I am in the SAME position as yours (the cultural difference, the values & beliefs etc). The difference is? We are too coward to let go of each other despite knowing the future together is really fuzzy :’( I respect you for being able to do that, Cheesie.
ya, not after a very long time of struggling tho.
i could only say… AWWWW….!!!
*hugsssss* & the best is yet to come.
*hugs back*
you are brave!
im not. really. =(
Life goes on…
it does.
this post broke my heart.
=((
I think this is testament to how much you have grown over the years, being able to handle the situation like this.
ya but.
but nothing..I know you will grow from this. you’ve always taken every situation/incident and grown. for the time being i know things will hurt but you will be happy again..im sure of it
remember..u have friends around you who care and will always be there for you when you need them..regardless of the distance.
this sucks big time.
letting go sucks big time.
letting go when you know you two’re still very much in love with each other sucks.
but what sucks the most is when you two tried, failed, tried, and failed and he suddenly says he still loves you but he doesn’t want to try anymore, too exhausting. it’s never gonna work.
now that sucks the most. Especially when you’re ready to fight for this love
i know. it just keeps repeating and gets so tiring.
i’m crying. i’m basically sobbing non-stop as i’m typing this.
but, let the memories be as beautiful as it were before. i wish the best for you.
sorry, didn’t mean to make u all sad oso one =((
next better chapter is awaiting you, is just a matter of time when you gonna flip it ~
cheeessssse ^o^
hope so!
=( I feel so sad! I know that’s probably not your intention but thank you for sharing something that is so so very personal to you! I really do admire you. You’re really strong! This must have been so painful writing this. Hugs! I pray that every good thing happens in your life and you’ll never have to go through something so heartbreaking again! Hugs! Take care!!
i not strong. =(
Yes. Its for the better. Be strong.
*emo* *goes listen to My Chemical Romance – Welcome to the Black Parade*
i just went youtubed it
“wet” huuuuggggsssssssss from seattle
its pouring cats n dogs here
i wan like the slepless seattle romance!
hugs!
*accepts*
Dear Ringo,
I actually cried reading your post because it reminded me of my previous relationship.
I completely understand how you feel because I’m purdy much in the same situation as you are. Officially broke up 4 months ago, same problem – major distance, same pain talking/not talking/we’ll just be friends.
Take care of yourself, i know it’s pretty damn difficult every single day
<3
*hug*
how is it now? on? off? on&off? im very sure a lot of people go through the same stuff like this...
*hugs back*
off officially i guess. kononnya he’s interested in some other girl, so i’m happy that he’s happy. but you know la, it hurts hardcore.
Different a little with LDR. i guess its much harder in a way. and we never even got to meet either.
take care, and it’s very sweet of you to reply all your comments
Sometimes ppl say that we’ll get over yet. Yes. Indeed we will. But time is a killer. It hurts till I can’t describe it. Getting over it, its gonna be hard. Just bear in mind that closed friends and social life helps. Take care of yourself Ringo. Be tough.
anti social mode activated
getting away from eye to eye in public is fine. find someone. at least someone u feel comfortable to talk to. u will go siao if stay liddis.
hugs..
back at you
you’re so strong, Rin. thanks for sharing something so personal. i’ve been in an almost similar situation before and finally it didn’t work. it’s just not meant to be.
ViviFashion
http://vivifashion.blogdrive.com
i recommended a few friends to buy the lens! really hope it would come soon~
thank u very much for helping me
i needed that, haha!
I don’t know why. But then I feel like crying reading your post
got ads coming. so no need to cry liao. lol
omg i have the same tong curler as yours. RM30 from philips. i didn’t liek it.
jia you!
=)
sooooooo not used to the emo you.. and seriously this post made me cry… T.T its damn touching and why do you have to edit all the pics and make them black and white.. its like all had already passed and you’re ready to move on but you’re still feeling sad at it..
and i can see your ex really made alot of effort in saving this relationship…
and sigh..hope you can find a better one next time.. or at least, someone near to you, having the same thoughts as you.. your soulmate i guess?? all the best!!!
i know. i also not used to emo me. tho i emo all the time. lol.
haha no black and white ah. heavily sepia only.
P/s : your header freaked me out…
haha. vampiric is it.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
— Marilyn Monroe
she said that?
dulan u. u make me cry. cibai!
why u cry. u damn stupid.
life goes on..
i’m admire you for having that much of courage to tell this on your blog.. 
stay strong. be happy always.. you’re pretty and lovely and gorgeous.. you’ll find a better guy 
thanks joanna
the whole “pei yang qing xu” to write this post worked, damn emo sial!
ya. because i pei yang 3 months already.
Yo! Cheesie, I’m on LDR too and it aint easy.
Someone has to sacrifice to make things work. But most ppl dun want to sacrifice their career for love.
All the best!
yea sometimes it’s not just the career alone. all the best to you too.
It will be better with time
Brighten up! 
i believe so.
alamak. the whole post and photos…made me teared…
*many big big big big big HUGGGGGSSSS from me to you cheesie.*
*gives back big hug*
It’s 2.46am in the morning and i have just read your sad entry..all of the sudden after finished reading it…it started pouring outside..my heart felt sour ..can’t sleep well that night …time cure wounded heart…it will…believe me ..it did for me…
(first time i commend on your blog after 1 year following)..
wtf now im responsible for your dark eye circle >_<
thank you jay, your first comment means a lot to me.
Be strong k…!!still got all of us wif u..
thanks jun
Ouch. Chin up ^^
upping!
Arw, so that’s the whole story. =/
Your entry made me a bit sad, but I read and saw optimism in that text too, so I think I don’t have to worry about you that much. I guess you aren’t the type of women who could stop just that easy and won’t go foward.
Junee
no la i wont stab myself with fork at least
no la at least you dont have to worry about me stabbing my chest with fork
Everything happened for a reason , Life still goes on . Easier said than done .
true.
This is a really nice and sentimental post.
Be happy.
i try.
wow, my heart just hurts when reading your story….very well written and full of emotion. Can’t say much but you are clever enough to move on to the unpredictable future and let the past be what it is;)
guess i have to
AWWW. I think it’s for the better, Cheesie!
=))
Aww… don’t be sad (sobbing myself), I am sure everything will be okay…
In the end, you will have this as a precious memory. When you get old, you look back in time to find that life is not empty, at least you have felt it. And people say it is better to love wrongly than not to love at all.
All the best.
ya that’s about the only positive way u can look at it
“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all”
or so the saying goes…
it seems a little sad, but omg it’s such a beautiful bitter sweet true love story!
i know you are doing fine now, thank you for sharing, love this post very much!
you are welcome
T.T *heart pain*
*gives pain killer*
Throws a cup of water at you
LoL..
They say whenever you are sad.. ask someone to surprise u by doing something unexpected.. There u got it.. a cup of water thrown at you..
I seldom comment.. i do once in a while
i tot it only works when u have hiccups
Really liked this entry even though it’s emotional and about a break up. Liked it because I could relate to it. Agree with you on so many points you brought up. Sometimes when two people fall in love it’s just not that simple. Not that simple if you want to bring it a step further, to make it “forever and ever”.
yea i guess these things happen a lot
So guys, it’s a big hint to say now’s the time to hit on Rin again! Beautiful, smart, punny, gorgios, fashion maestro and with a penchant for all good food, she’s almost too perfect =)
You know we love you forever and ever. At least I do
LOL
very well written post. i appreciate the honesty and sincerity put into it.
yea took me 3 months to write
This is a beautiful post. It has emotion, both good and bad.
like
& 
?
ahhh you made my cry eating breakfast! T.T
wtf did it taste salty T___T
The added special effects on the photos really made this post absolutely charming…
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 !!!
sob.
It’s very hard to make a logical decision when you’re blinded by love but I think in time, you’ll learn to let go and move on.
It’s a brave decision.
yea i guess most people know wat to do, they just cannot do it T_T
say it out is a lots better… a lots better than keep in ur heart cheesie.. u did it rite..
but T___T
you made me cry.
i know, you might cry a million times more/harder.
it’s never easy to fall out of love.
heartbreak was never that easy to heal, when you put in lots of effort to make it work.
im not even sure if i had gotten over that boy, yet. it’s been 7 months for me.
*give Cheesie a long, big, warm hug.
T_______T
*hugs xueni too*
*hugzzzz*
If it’s too painful to let go, why don’t you just become a Japanese instead?
Marry him!
I don’t know whether this is the 3rd, 4th or 5th or more times I read this post.
*more hugssss*
T_T
hugsssss back
*SUPER BIG BEAR HUG
*WITH REAL BEAR WTF
can choose color one anot.
*hugz*
hugz back
I know it’s like a huge thorn in your heart. Big decisions are seriously heartbreaking to make.
I get what you mean. We love Jap fashion, Jap cosmetics, Jap food, Jap ppl, Jap scenery, anything to do with Jap but ironically, when you get into a r/ship with them, you find it difficult to blend with their “thinking”, their way of expecting or doing certain thing, their cultural. It was a decision I had to make few years back and I know you have seriously thought of the future in order to prevent things getting worse.
You go girl! Hugs.
thats really true
Cheesie, I know its hard on you..all the culture differences and different belief (am in an interracial relationship myself) in the relationship that cause it to end and I am so glad to see you standing strong all this while. Keep it up girl and keep shining with your smile! *hugs*
good luck to you too
Sigh… I know how you feel… I’m caught in this position too.. Mostly is culture and religious differences… Not sure what to do still…
Though we keep saying it doesn’t matter, it so does… How are we to live this life in the future is still a blur to me… =/
Hopefully everything will turn out for the best… For you too.. =)
Have faith.
you too yvonne
this made me cry :’( and believe u me, im not the crying type of person. not that it says much. anyways, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. if it’s not, then fuck, so be it.
xx
i know, rachel. T_____T
aww, cheesie….
if it is yours, it will be. Loving one is just not enough. There are so many things that stumble into the way. Sucky feeling
why today u lost *i* is ur name disappearin too. are u gonna become hito?
so sad
T_________T
…
many things one can say, more things i would love to say, but i guess it’s best if one don’t try to give advises or suggestions. if i can recall & miss the times we 3 go Topshop & Wii together, it must have been a thousand times harder 4 u.
if u need anything, i’m here. after 6pm weekdays. haha! *hugs*
i know lo. *hugsss*
hugs
*collects more hug*
this is when all the supporters of cheeserland popped out.
hugs!
ya so i noticed. *touched* T________T
We’ve always talked about this thing … but I never knew it was to this extent. And now you find yourself just at this point where you really don’t know what you can do anymore. And after reading this it’s so much harder for me to ask you do leave him completely because I know that’s not what your heart wants.
ya. u always give ill advise one lol.
Our LDR seems to take on a similar route and style. But I could tell you that at least you have it alot easier than me eventho I know its still hard.
Take care! x
really?
YES
I give you a big hug hug ok when i see you? *hugs hugs*
ok u got so many with me in same room wtf.
*hugs*
*collects*
Thank you everyone
*Virtual hug?
can. make sure u warm it up *accepts*
*hugs* BTW IMHO if it matters, it’s better to severe all ties when it’s painful like that. It hurts more at first but you can get on with your life and grieve, get over it and move on.
When you attempt to ’stay friends’ or whatever, you are playing a dangerous game because whatever brought you together in the first place IS still there and everytime you talk or hang out you will be reminded of that.
Which means whilst you are friends, you can never really let go. That makes it unfair for your next relationship too.
you are right. T_T
i’m sorry, everyone will be fine:)
T______T
hey cheesie, i din know u r attached since last time….anyway, agree with u…it’s for betterment … enjoy ur single life now while u can….
haha i try, i try.
You made me cant stop reading your post for twice, or trice.
*hugs & pats*
Who know’s whats gonna happen in the future? If it’s yours, it WILL be yours in the end. (:
*hugs adele*
I don’t understand. The love is strong.
Feels like the end of a drama series that I love where I have to bid farewell to the characters that I have grown fond of.
Is logic stopping this love? Then screw logic.
it wasn’t logic. it was everything else other than love.
I didn’t know he actually did so much for you two to try and be together, so I do have to say (I’m sure you will be surprised that I will) that he’s definitely is deserving of you unlike some other guy who may declare his love for you but ultimately in the end just use you for your status etc and say things behind your back.
Hope you feel better than 3 months ago and may ur days be better everyday.
i hope that everyday too!
It takes lots of guts to call a relationship off for a better future even though 2 people are still in love..i was in that position when i was 18..haha..broke off wif my ex coz she’s flying away to study,i had no confident in LDR coz the foundation wasn’t tat strong..and i jinxed myself coz i broke the heart of the only girl who love me the way i am and nvr get into any relationship since then..
not exactly the most encouraging words..well i’m still alive now..and u will be too
LOL! the exact same thing happen to me! i broke up with him cuz LDR and i’ve jinxed myself too and i spent 4 years getting over him.
T__T so long
why so sad one. i remembered u being really emo too T_T
oh,cheesie,i’m really sorry your relationship didn’t work out..stay strong, because even though most people don’t believe this, time does heal most wounds
lots of love!
i know that. i just hope it can be sooner. thanks.
my friend had problems with his japanese girlfriend too, not because of cultural differences, but because her family objects to the fact that he is not japanese.
cherish every memory because it is apart of you.
that happened in almost every single case i knew of.
i know how u feel.. i been through it too.. just recently actually.. i never knew tat u went through too.. it sucks feeling like this but what to do also.. being sad wont do anything.. whining about it also no use.. all we cud do now is just do something we want in life n hopefully it might help to forget the moment u use to be wit him.. ur a real strong girl
wish i was like u
but glad u are ok now
*hug too*
made me
so touching…
T_T
hugs
hugs back
you will love again
i will.
Ringo, I hope for a happy ending.
me too
Your story almost made my tears flow down my cheeks. I do understand how u feel bec I’ve been through that phase once. Don worry dear…I’m sure you’re in a much better condition now since you’re able to open the story up to everyone who’s reading your blog. Be happy always =)
you too. how are you doing?
gosh.. this story beats up all the korean/chinese/japanese drama i’ve ever wathed! can be successful drama/movie based on true story
so touched..
hugs,, u know many people care for u.. u r not alone
no la, just a very normal, simple story. thats why so many people could understand it.
It’s ok….smile, 2morow another one bright day….
haha i actually liek rainy days more.
no one understand your story better than me…
u reminded me on the things i reminded u and my memories…
nmind.. we go hokkaido have fun ok?
yea. you know best.
oki. you belanja crab leg.
ok then i belanja the pincher. come someone join us belanja the rest? all you need to do is apply here: http://cheeserland.com/2009/10/who-wants-to-go-hokkaido-homestay/
u know when u posted the post about readers who had something against ur adverts(calling ur blog too commercialised etc), i was really in disbelief because its not like ur whole blog consisted of adverts.
and this post proved that your blog isnt all adverts because i like how u can still blog about really personal stuff like this, despite knowing that you have a lot of readers and that its gonna be in public.
haih so sad when its not both of ur faults but u still have to let go. id rather have the “i hate you go away” sorta break ups. easier to get over, but with these kinda break ups im always left wondering “what if”. and im always wishing the circumstances were different.
yea decisions always hard to make
Many asked me and I always have replied the same, euthanasia is because the mood I had back then. Ask no more. Anyways, the agony you felt wasn’t any torment other folks would feel differently. It’s the same pinch everyone would experience. That’s y euthanasia. I felt the same thing. The same bloody thing.
I’m also quite sure that everyone will also eventually get over it and the famous quotes comes into play “and life goes on”. But I have made a small modification to it. I always say “and life goes on…..fashionably.” Love life is like a drift. When every you exit the corner, make sure you exit it with style. Then you’ll feel a whole stack better and it’s of coarse, worth the cheers.
fashionably. hmm. maybe i should go shopping.
Even though things like this are hard, but you should see the pros and cons of the outcome of it. Atleast now it’s relaxing for you now . Time to live the life to the fullest! Never give up as the one you’re meant to be is out there. For now, can just concentrate on yourself and what’s ahead of you
yea. will try doing that!
just feel ur a tough person and never let any factors influence ur decision:)
got go learn from u hehe
no no no. tough is not me.
i experienced the same thing, and it wasn’t even a LDR as far as japan-malaysia. I realized that even getting a bf who resides in msia can give me an opportunity to experience culture shock bcuz somehow diff states have diff culture on certain matters.
even people live next door to you can have an entirely different approach to living life.
definitely. both of us agreed that it was amazing memories we could ever have
Guess whatever we want to say to U, U have alreadi understood.
It will take time to heal tat emptiness in ur heart. It will be how soon U decided to move ahead wif ur life.
ps: how can u compare urself wif keju. Even if u cannot find someone in another 9 months, it isn’t any big deal.
it is!!!! its very ego deflating and confidence crushing oneeee
it’s strange, i teared just reading your entry.
*wipes*
wow.. it took a lot of courage.. Hope you and TK find happiness elsewhere. I bet a few years from now you and TK will be smiling and thinking what a lovely thing you guys had going but knew it was never meant to be.. and thank God someone had the galls to stop it before things turned sour.
i really do hope so
this is sure a heavy post… in fact, it even makes me heavier… guess i’m gaining 10 extra kilos already… anyway, nothing else to comment… just go on with life and eventually everything will show it’s path… be strong dear…
lol. why u so funny one.
thanks again everyone
*Hugs* It is tough to get over a heartbreak but, eventually you’ll be up again. Stay strong!
While reading your entry, I’m also listening to Yuna Ito.
which song was it?
The title is “Trust You” I only have her this song. Is it the same song?
nope. u try “miss you” or “alone again”. it’s really good.
Will do! Thanks!
ok i dont think i can finish replying today. i continue tomorrow ok
really sweet of u to try and reply evybody
be strong, be a strong hard cheese! 
really, thanks for each and every comment
I felt really sad after this post cos it brings back a lot of memories. It must be extremely hard for breaking up with someone you love not because you guys fell out of love but because this journey was just too difficult. I feel your pain
But you’re a brave girl for making this choice even if you hated it. Hope you feel better already 
i do, a bit (at least that’s what i hope)/ thank you/
not that i went thru anything you mentioned above but its so sad T_T. you’re really brave!
no lo. dowan say i brave liao. im really not. if not it won’t take so long and still not settled.
babe.. im sorry. I didnt read your blog before talking to u just now.. feel better and buzz me.. u know im here for you!
no la, is ok one. i emo to you later ok
I had been in the same situation 2 years ago, broke up and got back together with him 3-4 times until I can no longer take it. I left without a word cause I know if I meet him and we talk it over, it will never be solved cause we will be arguing & crying. So we lost contact but after a year he found me and we became friends. I can say you are really brave and I’m touched by your post. Take care. xoxo
it’s not until i read these 100 over comments that i realized half the peopel went through what i did, or at least something similar. i guess we could gather enough experience to like, form a lab and create a product to cure these heartbreaks.
Hmmmm Rin…I’ve been in the same situation (minus the marriage talk) few years ago…I am a Slovak-1/4-Korean and very European in general…and I had a Malaysian bf that was a Thai-Chinese. We broke up after ca 10 months of LDR…from these we were together for maybe 3 months “in real”. Like you two…we broke up over distance and different views on life…we also couldn’t find any way on how to be together in next yrs…i wouldn’t move to Msia permanently (though I totally love visiting it)…he wouldn’t move to europe…it just…had no future. And I was constantly pissed off at his Msian manners and vice versa.
But you know…it hurt a bit,…then it got better…then I found a TOTAL asshole of a bf…and then the hopefully….right man came…I hope hope hope omg omgomg.
I’m also very touched by your post. Pls pls…be strong…and take care..and I am sending you hugs
did you meet him when you were here? i always like to hear exotic love stories
aawwww…. so lomantik. Perfect for 6 o’clock love story drama. Save your tears for other worthwhile earthlings. Siaw wan meh need to wave till out of sight?! what kind of man is that? What if it’s aeroplane? wave till it reach the clouds?? He sounds very clingy, soft and etc lah. I rather cuddle Cheddie. *woof* wag tail*
lol.
Sometimes, things happen for a reason.
i will save a little prayer for you. Take care.
thank you jk.
hug backkk
This post is somehow made me realize that i should be thankful for my love life because it’s not complicated as you. Anyway i really think you should date local people instead of foreigners, simple lor. Screw those ideas about long distance relationship because it only work in drama and movies.
Forget about relationship, why dont you start on secret project, keep yourself busy while your reader busy guessing (yep, jus like our Kenny Sia….)
you should be. aiyo kenny’s project not secret anymore.
I hate “it’s complicated” too. I don’t think there’s any such thing as stuff being complicated. I think people who sling that stupid label/term around to classify whatever they’re having with another person is just lazy and too daft. Honestly, it irritates me when people say “oh, it’s complicated” because yeah, it’s juvenile and Friendster-ish. And I agree with you when you said breaking up isn’t something you learn to do. It’s always hard to let go but sometimes, letting go isn’t really letting go. You know? It’s just giving whatever it is you *think* you’re letting go of, that space to grow and transform into something bigger. Better. More beautiful. (I think at least? Heh). Not to worry… in the end, everything WILL be okay and if it’s not then; it’s not the end.
BIG BIG <3
Stay strong, you.
true. talk is always easier on everything, i can say yea i can do this i will do that but whether you can/will do it is another matter altogether, isnt it. <3 back at u
i was once involved in a LDR too, i totally understand what u mean by “not together but together” or “together but not together”…that sucks.
i think u just did the right thing, eventhough it hurts alot.
like what u said, it’s for the better!
but it seems like u’re still not over him yet.
take care!
no i am not. aih.
我想，两个人在一起，最重要的还是互相迁就。。。生活背景不同，文化的矛盾，应该不是一个问题，最重要的，还是能不能过自己这关。。。如果是相爱，就不要轻言放弃，因为，世界那么大，你们会相遇，也是因为缘分；他回大老远的来找你，证明，你在他心目中的地位是无可取代的，如果你懂得珍惜，那么，幸福就会属于你，毕竟，他可以学习你的文化，并且，随着你的生活方式，过生活，或者，你学习他的文化，并且融入他的生活，或者，两个人互相体谅与迁就。。。
但是，如果你想找个现成的，就是相同文化，相同语言的，也许也是一种方法，只是，可能你给他的爱，不会再向之前的他一样多。。。
就像是快熟面，你觉得美味吗？但是，快熟面，随手可得。。。
一盘精心烹饪的美食，可以是很美味，但是，美味的食物，确实需要时间来烹饪，来准备的。。。
wa i think this is the first time someoen actually wrote an entire comment in chinese on this blog. thank you 海豚
Awww….I can’t say its gonna be okay and all cause I know its not gonna be okay but life must go on, right?
Hope you find more happiness!
thank you flame.
This post totally reminded me of my past relationship. Can literally feel the pain stabbing back into my heart again. i kept my breakup under covers for about 3months plus too, from everyone. As it was too painful to even think about it, let alone bringing up and telling people.
It was hell lot of pain.
Although he broke up with me and we have both moved on, but that pain will always be there. Maybe 5yrs times it will be fine. But for now, it is still lingering.
It is the memories that kills =)
-Jace-
i know. hug.
every experience is a good experience. cherish the good 1s and forget the bad 1s…. but yes, in a relationship, love is never the only thing….. you are definitely right there…. love only carries your relationship so far….. many other factors around it….. take care anyway =)
yea. when people say when there’s love every thing is possible i don’t know how to respond to that. saying it’s rubbish would have demonstrated my cynicism a bit too strongly and saying that i agree would have been too phony and dismissive.
i’m sorry to hear (or read) this. stay strong cheesie. everytime a door closes, another will be opened.
i want like alice in the wonder land, a lot of doors one.
eeeii… why am i in australia geh??
u can see teh flags? i don’t know why i havent been able to see it for many days now.
Ringo,
My heart feels for you.
Being a male, I have been on the recieving end of to many break ups.
It took me more than 30 years to find a women I could love unconditionally, and who would return love without expectations.
That women is now my wife.
Had I married anyone from earlier, I am positive such a relationship would have ended in divorce.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, most often in fact, following ones heart, ones intuition is hard, painful, and most often turns your world up-side-down for a time.
You appear to be recovering. No doubt you now know yourself better, and also know that true love cannot be forced, that cultural differences can be over come to a point.
Know that you are never truly alone.
Thank you for being brave and sharing this with all of us!
David
Thank you. Glad it all worked out well for you. Do you have kids?
Cheesie,
Never had any children. I was 39 and she was 29 when we were married.
When we gave children serious consideration, nothing worked the way we expected. In this case life was truly complicated.
We do however, truly enjoy our roles as an Aunt and Uncle who can spoil and love our many young nieces and nephews.
One little piece of wisdom I gleaned from years seaching.
I met and fell and love with one special person, when I had stopped purposefully looking for a potetnial partner.
We met at work, with no pre-conceptions, with no idea or even hope that we could be friends. (She was Filipina in the U.S.A for only 4 years. I was a middle age male – with a bald spot!)
Affectoin built slowly and overtime friendship grew, we were almost shy with one another at times.
The rest was history.
Marrying this wonderful Filipina was the worth the wait!
David
Initially, i wanted to come by and pop a message tht you’re featured over at my blog for the XPAX XBerry, but then when i saw this post, it didnt seem quite appropriate oredy. =/
=D
I am not here to do anything that you’ve mentioned in your post. I just want you to know, i stand by you in these trying moments. I cannot possibly understand fully what you both gone thru, but your story is one that truly touches the heart, my heart.
I was ALMOST moved to tears when i read it. It was so touching the way you penned your feelings and experience into words — i felt i was in your shoes. It was such a refreshing read about relationships and human emotions.
To know that he came over to see you, it is a really something you rarely see, ever. The bond that the two of your share is so deep, almost indescribable with words.. And when i came to the part where you wrote, “That was when he told me he wanted to marry me next year.” — that was when i almost cried. You guys had it all there, but it was the circumstances that were at odds.
I just feel — i actually duno how to describe this feeling i have right now — but i feel la.. OMG. lol
I may not be the top few of your fave friends, but if you ever need an ear to listen, id be more than happy to listen. People say i talk alot, but they seldom that i listen alot too. Simply because listening is also part of effective communication, which sadly, many ppl are not aware of. =D
If i sempat, i may land myself on some Thebroma Chocolate Lounge vouchers, and if you ever have a crave for them sweet indulgences, you know who to ring. haha
Opps..i almost forgot what i came here to do. Yeah, you’re featured in my blog! Come see! Id appreciate it. XD
Thank you for the long comment and the picture!
sorry terspammed you. LOL
and thank YOU for the pic. without you, there wud be no picha. =D
its always the best to be dumped! sigh~ i would wait a thousands years to be dump then to dumped someone u get so use to living with him ady and then regret every second like .. what if he found a long lost dad which is super rich? what if he found a gf 1st? what if .. bla bla bla ..
so yea … dumping some1 sucks
hardly find anyoen who can agree with me on that lol
hey cheesie,
i almost teared at the opis reading this post. it’s really written very beautifully.
it reminds me of kelly clarkson’s “already gone”.
i wanted to say something unrelated, but i forgot oredi. maybe i’ll tell you next time.
as for comforting words, i think u’ve heard enough;
and i agree that it is for the better.
take care mwah mwah.
ya when u remember u come back again k. mwah u back.
*throw lotsa comfort food*
*hide*
u’ll be ok .. i know it’s cliche but time will heal the wound, scars will be there no doubt though but it’s part of a package called life
*frantically picks up comfort food and nom nom nom*
Hi Ringo
You have probably replied alot of people in this ( 210 comments!) but i just got to reading this. I follow your blog all the time because i liked reading your story about japan and with TK. Was really sad to hear about this, i teared up even more reading about it ( bantal basah from the cryin’ ) but dun give up! * Hugs* … i don’t really know what to say to make it all better but for you to write about it, looks like a start on the path towards getting better. .. now… i shall go and wash my face .. *blows nose loudly*
haha yea im gonna reply one last one, which is yours before i sleep.
thank you for following and reading and liking it. comments liddis help, really.
finally thanks for every single nice comment and i think by now i have collected enough hugs to live through the next 200 days or so. Thank you.
The biggest aww I gave in my life, here you go :
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW,
And after I awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I decided to go through your blog, and I found the 10 sins of MSN-ing.
I started
Don’t be sad Cheesy.
You’ll live through the next 300 days after my comment, bauahahah. Just kidding.
haha that post was written like 4 years ago man.
Well both of you are still very good friend. Talk about culture different. So, if I have a Japanese gf, and I drop her home. I will wait for her to go into her place first only then I takes off. And she will be standing there smiling and waiving at me waiting for me the go. 15 minutes might have gone until we both realized that it’s a stand still stituation LOL.
stalemate
very unrelated to the emo-istic post here but girl, u write REALLY well. =) it must have taken u much time and many “backspaces” and “highlight-delete”. but this is your gift, your writings will heal you, and many others reading your blog.
good day mascapornecheddercreamparmesanmozzerella…. hee
haha why u so cute one.
some things are just not meant to be. but oh well, as the chinese say “zhi sao chen jing yong you guo”. okay, i basically can’t read chinese but my ping yin might be still….understandable? stay strong lady.
haha. yea i understand. like some 90s love song fml
cheesie.. i know this may be cliched but i hold on to it strongly, and its that “love ain’t supposed to hurt”.. its not supposed to feel bad, or cause you pain.. something that is not possible now may be the only thing that is possible 30 or 40 years down the line.. you can’t really look into the future too much, esp things such as relationships and love (involves more than just one person, and emotions to boot) are unpredicatable.. best way to decide is to figure out whats best for you today, coz ultimately what makes a happy tomorrow is not a superwise decision in the past but more of the memories of a happy past. your post really got to me..
just got through a bad break up, been having trouble trying to move on, and your post made me see im not alone.. 
omg ur name sound yummy. i havent had lunch T_T
ya you will never walk alone… *sings*
=( this post makes me want to cry!! *HUGS* please take care and i hope that you will be happier for the count….
*hugs starmist* *collects hug into breakup pouch*
ha.. i guess u hv enough hugs to engulf you for the next 29382 days.
actually i met someone when i was travelling from hokkiado to osaka too. there was mutual liking and all but i cut things off as fast as i could because of all the reasons that you mentioned on your blog, and more.. so.. kinda can emphatise..
cheesie, I love your love life story..it was so romantic and tearing out when reading it. You such a brave and strong woman.
Btw, I will be in Osaka next week for 1st time, I ‘ve been to Tokyo and Kyoto many times but not Osaka. Do you have any places you can recommend me?
must go to tsutengaku, and then visit porn theatre hahaha.
what is tsutengaku?
Be strong… there will be a better tomorrow..
hopefully!
Thumbs up !
=(((
I just broke up with my Japanese boyfriend.
just the same reason.
The Japanese are hard to understand. and they are quite wagamama.
sorry to hear. so jeles u in japan now
um ….. i am japanese almost breaking up with chinese boyfriend.
i think chinese is damn hard to understand. and very stubborn as well.
i guess we (japanese & chinese) think the same about each other because it’s my first time being with chinese but find it the hardest to get along with.
at least right, u met someone that u really really loved. and he equally loved you A LOT. (or loves? ok i wouldn’t know)
i think u’re really fortunate to meet someone like that.
and i love ur last プリクラ sooooo much.
u called it 「最高の思い出 一生の宝物」makes me sooo cry T_T
i wish the best for you cheesie<3 *hugs*
ya the purikura is
T_T
thanks kei
Hi cheesie,
First time commenting here. Sorry to hear about what happened between you and TK. Guess it’s like the title of this post – “It’s for the better”. Don’t really know if it is or not, but at least we can hold on to this belief and cross our fingers really hard!
HUGS!
thanks for your comment.
*collects hugs*
really really brave of you to post something so personal on such public blog. i wouldn’t able to do that. =( was crying non stop when i read your post two days ago, but didnt manage to post a comment cause was too emo to do so. today when i thought should leave a comment for you, i cried again while read through your comments. -___-
*digs out hug from collection* *gives one*
one day, all these doesn’t matter to you anymore. time does heals cheesie
meet new people may helps healing that pain 
nah, another hugs for you k? 
yay *collects*
actually, what’s wrong with dating me?
u are supposed to an wei me. not ask me another question.
very sad .. =( hugs!!! gambatte for u!
*collects hug from chellepie*
one thing i do know that will make will feel better – pray. pray that god will give u peace and strength to get through this.
hmmm. never done that
I empathise with what you’ve both gone through very strongly. In fact, in three weeks I’m about to fly to Osaka from the UK for almost the same reason as TK’s flight to Malaysia. In my case it will be a 14 hour journey, but I expect the ending to be much the same. It may well be foolish, but my life would be filled with regret for not having done so.
T____T i know what u mean. why so sad one T__T
You’ve decided what’s the best for you and work on your future. As what old people say, “There are lotsa fish in the ocean”
awwww….*gives cheesie a big hug*
time will heal, dear. be strong.
*huGs*
see la babe, make so many ppl cry >___<
eh got one part (lazy to find back n copy n paste) u mentioned how does one break up without falling outta love or sumth liddat.
i did. my previous rship of 4 years ended and on d day i ended it i still loved him, and even the day after, and even 5 months later. see la. sigh.
and yea, just noticed the country beside my name IN CAPS. im in SG now, a week b4 this friday’s NN award dinner!
cya there babe
tsk2..
it is true.. distance can kill you
*like reading these kind of entry.. it makes you human and not some advertiser..
the moments that take your breath away will still come. so, enjoy ur single moment for now.
kennysia is indicating something
You just reminded me of my Japanese GF, she’s currently in Aichi, Japan, I’m in Perth Australia. Long distance. It is hard. Lots of work. Lots of sacrifice on her part especially. You have given me extra motivation to make it work. We’ve been together for over 2 years now. Distance is a big problem. I admit that, cultural difference, another big issue. I don’t really know how you feel, but i know the struggles that you went through. I can’t offer you much as we are in different islands. But know this, lots of people are there for you while I was reading all those comments, seems like you are being loved and that your hardship is being felt by most people here. Comfort is what they are offering you right now
I don’t know how my relationship is gonna turn out. Honestly I don’t. But all I know is that I have to endure lots of hardship and struggles to make it work. My parents don’t know that I’m dating a japanese who is 8 years older. If it works out, Praise GOD! If it doesn’t I just have to move on. Wish me LUCK! I really do want to be with her.
For you, if you’re dropping by Perth again let me know ;)
Felt so touched when reading it, be strong gal, definitely can over it! I think you make the right choice.
Take carez!
Awwww. July isn’t a good month. It was my broke-up month too
I felt so sad after reading this…………
Thank you for sharing with us readers. <3
Gambatte!
I have to say the cultural differences doesn’t only happens between countries that are far apart. I remembered facing the same thing with my ex-Sg bf 10 years back. Cruel thing to say that I agree with your opinion that its better to be dumped than having to make decisions.
In the end I got dumped without knowing it myself (coz he went MIA and into social services and kapoot altogether). haha.
Stay strong and thanks for sharing. Btw, saw you and a few other bloggers at the Playboy perfume event at MV the other day (but I was upstairs!). ehhe.
Sorry to hear about your story. The reason my relationship with my partner did not work out is because there is no future in it. Simple fact.
Anyway, take good care of yourself.
Cheers!
Oh Cheesie, I don’t know you personally but my heart broke for you reading this and I hope you have found some consolable comfort in writing about what happened. You know there is a saying right? “fated to meet but fated not to be together” but who knows what tomorrow holds?
Letting go of someone you love hurts but hopefully time heals. All the best – Rach
I’m crying …
Be strong
hi cheesie love,
when you mentioned
” I always wonder how do couples break up when falling out of love was not the reason….”
it makes me wonder how do i deal with this relationship where i feel that somehow one day me n my guy are gonna break up..I know i should have faith in it…but i’m totally lost..i;m tired of smiling and laughing as if I’m so happy when deep inside i feel terribly miserable..it’s not easy and it will never be…at the moment i still don’t know how long this is gonna go on..chessie,i really don’t know what to say to you..but just wanna tell ya something that though we don’t know each other, i do care about you. May God bless you always…
and a BIGGGGGG Hug from me to you *hugs*
Hi Rin..have been reading ur blog for quite some times..like most of the readers here, when i read ur post, tears rolling down my cheek..while i was in the office..becuz my r’ship is having prob as well now..some silly mistake leads to misunderstanding btw my parent n him..n they threaten me to break up v him..or else im not their daughter anymore :’(
DAMN hurt…n not knowing wht to do, we chose to spend the time together happily..until dec..cuz tht is the dateline my mum gave me to break up v him..we will try to explain things whn they cool down…but we prepared for the worst..
i reli admire ur courage to called it off..which I dun have :s…he love me very much..
GOSH!!Feel like knife is stabbing inside my heart while am writing this to you..
anyway, hoping for the best..
all the best to u
This is a post nicely written
Thank you.
stay strong
*hugs*
i know i’m very late in saying this … but *HUGS*!
i broke up with my bf when we’re still loving each other too. you’re right, everything that people said won’t matter actually mattered from age, race, money etc.
i feel you, babe.
Take care!
eh, i’m confused.. he eventually proposed in the end rite? ehhh.. hhh,,, ///
i know how it feels. i was with a korean once and it didnt last long enough though he stays in kuching and was studying in kl. all the promises that are soooo hard to keep and hold on to. out of the 3 months few days LDR we only met about 10 times and it really hurt a lot when it all just ended through a phone call. not being able to have it in the face. but everything turned out alright as my friend and her bf took good care of me after that. relationships are like that. it’s toughest when it’s long distance and there’s just so much difference between the two people. *hugss*
reading this suddenly reminds me about the differences I am having right now with my bf…. *culture differences*
we argued about things that he doesnt like me doing or say, because he had already adapted to Aus life whilst I am just starting….. I couldnt understand why he was so particular, while forgetting that it could be the differences in thinking in terms of culture….
Like how i say or response in certain things… he doesnt like it and became unhappy over it , while i was appalled by his reaction
well, hope we end up learning about each other a lot … in the days to come