The Bigger Heart

March 22, 2013 in Senti-Emmental

(Very long entry. Possibly offensive. If i were you i probably won’t read this.)

(Your choice.)

2 weeks ago i posted a really long Instagram message in Japanese, which some of you have asked me about. (Some of you who could read Japanese did leave me comments, thank you.)

Also, most of you will probably get offended by something at some point in this entry, so i apologize in advance.

The story is, as much as it is not a known knowledge by public, i have never been a fan of K culture. I am in fact, spectacularly uninterested in anything related to K pop and culture, so much to the point that, ironically, i am obsessed with not caring about it.

I am actually a little embarrassed knowing that it made me sound so very very silly and petty. But it was sad to see how the younger generation is so into K culture that i feel my beloved Japan is slowly losing its luster and fading away. Younger bloggers say that they aren’t interested in visiting Japan because there simply isn’t anything that appeals to them. And that makes me so frustrated. I felt like an incompetent doctor who doesn’t know wtf is wrong with my patient, let alone fixing him.

And I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Honestly.

I guess K is very much like the little cuter younger sister bitch who gets all the mother’s attention. Although i wouldn’t know how that actually feels like since i don’t even have a sibling to begin with. But something like that. I’m jealous. Insecure.

But it was all just simmering quietly inside me. I pretended that i didn’t care about it in public. But to people close to me i was like NO YOU CANNOT LIKE K MORE THAN J!!!! i even told Qiu if she starts to promote K more than J i will stop reading her blog for a month wtf. That’s how barbaric i sound. But what really ticked me off was that i kept coming across Japanese people who seem to adore K culture more than anything else. Typing in Korean. Posting a million pictures of S whatever D girl group.

I felt so angry and betrayed. I cannot even explain how ridiculous that make me sound.

And then i went all crazier when i saw this article.

To cut the long story short, March 11 2013 marked the 2nd memorial day of the Tohoku Earthquake-Tsunami, and on that day, representatives from every country from all over the world joined the remembrance ceremony of the victims who died in the disaster happened in 2011.

There are only two countries who didn’t send any delegate to the memorial ceremony.

Those two countries are China, and Korea. (Oh. Surprise.)

They were both invited by Japan, but China refused to send any delegate for the important event because Japan also invited Taiwan (out of gratitude for Taiwan’s incredible generosity as they have sent aid more than $200 million after the disaster, which is more than all the other countries’ donation combined). And because Taiwan is there, China snubs it, accusing Japan for treating Taiwan on an equal footing with other diplomats.

Good luck China, having a leader with the attitude and mentality of a 5 year old ruling 1.3 billion people.

And then the closest nerighbor Korea, what is your excuse?

Apparently, they didn’t know about the event due to clerical error, hence their absence.

The Korean ambassador then tweeted they didn’t know about it because the staff has mistaken and THREW AWAY THE INVITATION FAX.

 

Hi Korea. Dog ate your home work???

What are you afraid of? If you so do not care and do it on purpose, why mask your hate later on? If it indeed was a mistake, where is your apology?

(Korean ambassador in Japan said that he didn’t know about it at all.)

(Later it was reported that Korea has actually replied “Not Attending” prior to “throwing away invitation”.)

I was mostly angry not at Korea, but at the fact that how the Japanese are so nonchalant about the Korean’s animosity towards them.

I know not ALL of them share the same feelings. There are Koreans who love Japan. I know that. But I have been to both China and Korea and there was so still so much ill sentiments directed to the Japanese people. Until today.

They will tell you how that nation is evil and you should never, EVER learn Japanese or speak their language. Every single time China and Korea want something from Japan they bring up WWII and comfort women and demand compensation from Japan, and how they should take responsibility for what they have done. And Japan keeps giving in years after years. And they have been peaceful for over 50 years. What is it that they haven’t done enough? Give China and Korea all its islands to compensate for lost souls?

It’s sad that Japan will always have this negative history debt to pay. But really? After 70 freaking years?

And while hating on Japan so much they send all their people to Japan to learn its language and milk all the gold because Japan is making them so much money than back in their homeland?

And some of these people became super stars who are adored by millions of loyal Japanese fans, and have their faces all over billboards, TV, commercials, magazines, cup noodles.

So one day a Japanese reader left me a comment on Instagram, i went to her profile and she was all I LOVE KOREA and typing in language i didn’t understand.

I snapped.

I then posted a long message about how i wish Japanese people would love their country more instead of jumping on this whole K craze. It breaks my heart to see that Japan is losing its appeal to their own people. I also said that i briefly considered to from now on reject all Korean competitor brand’s sponsors just to protect and support Japan. (Which got me some FUCK Us and some other nasty messages.) (But that was what i really thought. To think that i am accepting sponsorships from brands that i don’t even have the slightest liking or loyalty to, is kind of hypocritical?)

You are going to stop me right here because i sound exactly like the annoying asshole whom face you’d like to splash hippo’s diarrhea at because he is acting as if he is a saint?

How about  i shut up and start to love my own country more before commanding other people to love their own?

Hypocrite much?

The answer is, i don’t even have anything to defend myself with, so, touché. Totally guilty on all counts.

Throughout these 15 years of my love affair with Japan, i have been called traitor, Jap-wannabe, or the chinese idiot who pretends like she is Japanese. But to me it’s not even about that anymore. I was too deep into it to even care. I am the psycho lover who stoop so low as to being called a stalker just to not lose his crush. You can call me anything. But you cannot stop my love wtf.

I did sit down and ponder long and good, since when my love for Japan has become so irrational and… satanic? And what am i doing? Who do i think i am, going so far and overboard as defending Japan on behalf of Japanese people? What the hell am i thinking? Did i say something really horrible?

But the problem is

Do they even care?

Am i a fool who is doing math for an asshole 5th grader who isn’t even going to turn up for the exam?

Did they care?

Turned out that they did, a hundred people left me nice comments, and said that even though their love for K Pop still remains, Japan is still their home , always and forever in their heart.

I was touched. But i wasn’t satisfied. What i was hoping for was absolute loyalty. To themselves.

When i went back home i talked to the danna about it, and told him how sad i was that i couldn’t change the fact that i cant do much to help something i love so much. That it broke my heart.

And then he, who loves Japan as much as i do, if not more, said, indeed most of the Japanese people don’t care about all these politics. The gangnam dude might be taking over the whole world but who cares? How is liking K Pop different from taking up a new language, say, Malay?  Will i be mad if they like the Beatles?

They like what they like, which is what makes Japan such a free country, which is what makes it so amazing. Which is what makes their heart so big. Which is why i fell in love with this country.

They know that they have an emotional debt to pay for what happened in the past. They get hated on, still, but they never riot, break into other people’s departmental stores, steal stuff, demolish properties, boycott goods, hurling rocks and eggs or besiege another country’s embassy. I have never heard any of my Japanese friends badmouth other countries. Sometimes they get idiot governments too, but they are not taught to hate since young.  Over this 70 years, you learnt anything at all, China?

And then it struck me.

Because i just realized that what i did, was exactly stooping as low as China. What the hell, me? Hating on China’s barbarian acts, refusing to acknowledge K pop’s popularity and rejecting K culture on purpose, it made me exactly the same as those people i didn’t like. It made me as petty as them.

I was magnificently shamed. And my love for Japan is a shame. I thought about it, and decided that I wouldn’t want to marry someone who love me so much that he hates everybody who is not on my side. That’s just plain childish.

I sat and thought for a long time. I haven’t completely come to terms with it, but i’m starting to slowly let it seep through. And then i decided to write this blog post.

And of all, i am wishing for the whole world to have a bigger heart, including myself.