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Haunted
December 3, 2006
Pun of the day:
I’m a masocheese 
Sometimes i really do feel like one.
i’m so used to being lost i think i become uneasy when i don’t find myself feeling depressed to a certain degree.
Took a stroll down memory lane unintentionally, and it brought me back to a whirlpool of emoness. I’m so nostalgic that it becomes a little annoying.
I often, intentionally or otherwise, revisit things that i should have long put behind, and get haunted by the lingering ghosts of my past. Things which i should have trashed away or burned down to ashes long ago, and let the memory slip away. Instead, i keep them so neatly in a safety box ala the dead man’s chest in Carrots of the Currybean. And i take a peek at them every now and then. Could easily avoid it, but instead i get an urge to look back at times. It’s more than just reminiscing. I seem to do it to get myself haunted, forever.
My self-destructive masocheese habit.
Can’t help it. Everytime feeling vulnerable, i’ll do things that will make me feel extra vulnerable. to the boiling point i break down then everything will be cool again. I guess.
It’s silly but it sort of works.
I think i’m a masocheese. Tell me i’m not.
I’d rather be a miso cheese lo.
well, you are not
if you believe in it sooner or later you will be one miso cheese instead =)
I don’t think it is silly though. A lot of people do the same too.
cheer up.
p/s : i agree with doreen.
what’s a miso cheese??
u shld just take the courage and delete them and leave them as ur memories where they belong. and have a new start.
i wil definitely do that.
Don’t worry, you are not alone in being ‘masocheese’. So i guess you are just being ‘normalcheese’
I can totally relate to how you’re feeling. I sometimes find myself feeling like that as well. Nowadays it’s happening pretty often
But then I would express it all in my blog and would feel much better after that 
Take comfort in knowing that you’re not the only one in such a situation 
its really funny.
everyone has an insecurity in life, no matter how they may appear (eg. composed, calm, happy)
take care
Keep them, because one day you would look back at them and find that the feelings are no longer there. Then you could skip around like a hobbit shouting “i’m free…!”.
did u just went paktoring with Kenny Sia at 1u?
I find it interesting that you say you want to forget the past (or more like accepting the past) and live with the present, but you have your ‘memories’ arranged neatly in a box. That does not seem like a person who is willing to let go. It seems that you actually DO want those memories and you ‘feed’of them. Maybe you’ll feel lonely without having those memories even though you say they hurt you. Maybe you depend on those memories. And you want to be reminded how painful those memories are, and you’re afraid you’ll forget how painful they are and you’d end up making the same mistake again.
So, you look at them and flood yourself with all these grief in order to overload your sense and emotion so it’s so depressing that there’s nothing else to do after that but feel better.
Quack: That’s a good analysis of my masocheesism. Kinda coincides with my Nightmare Theory.
nightmare?
everyone will have their own way to settle down….u’ve chosen this way, and it’s kinda works, so just keep it on….
i dun have such experience……so cant really tell……
“its really funny.
everyone has an insecurity in life, no matter how they may appear (eg. composed, calm, happy)”
Well said!
I hope you feel better : ).
Sounds depressing…
One way of moving on, is to keep yourself busy and upgrade yourself to become a better person. As time goes by, you’ll find another priority of your life.
Cheer up, girl!
you should go get drunk ! Thats the way to go.
It’s natural to have this kind of feeling. I do too and I don’t really put that in my mind. We have ups and downs too right? =)
lol get drunk? tht might just create more problem.. just sit around and calm down. Listen to some music and u should be alrite.. *thts how it works for me*
when u mix cheese and whiskey, u get fondue~
Maybe you are.. maybe you’re not…
Chill…
smile.. u look so much more beautiful when u smile..
It is easy to dish out the cliched advice, “move on”, but much harder to do it in practice. Instead of just re-visiting my skeletons, I take it a step further – I seek out the skeletons, and fight them to the ground. That’s a metaphor which means not just to bury the things that haunt us, but to thrash them out. Not just to accept, but to inquire and question until we have found that elusive answer to our fears… and then we fear no more.