A friend is quitting smoking. I’m very, very curious to know how it feels to remove something you’re so addicted to from your life, cold turkey.
So i decided to have an interview with him.
Cheesie: Why did you decide to do something so impossible?
Friend: I’m afraid that i’ll cough up black phlegm one day. Hehe. No la. I promised my girlfriend to quit smoking and i love her very much.
Cheesie: That’s so sweet. How are you feeling now, having not touched a cigarette for four days?
Friend: *gasps* Very tulan. I feel like smoking.
Friend: I feel as if i didn’t breathe for four days.
Cheesie: But you know you can’t. You made a vow.
Friend: Yea. Even though I don’t smoke, i feel like lighting up a ciggie and just hold it between my fingers. Ahh, that feels good *looking hallucinated*.
Cheesie: Anything changed after you quit smoking? Emotionally, or physically?
Friend: My vision is clearer, erm, i mean, literally. And I realized a lot of things.
Friend: That smoking is the happiest thing to do in the world.
Cheesie: ….Hmm. Other than that?
Friend: I do a lot of weird things. Like, waking up middle of the night to play piano.
Cheesie: Is there anything else to sacrifice when you quit smoking?
Friend: There’re a lot less happy activities to do. Like clubbing, snooker, ALL GONE!
Cheesie: But you still can do those things without smoking what!
Friend: No way! It’s weird. It’s like wearing a tuxedo without underwear.
Cheesie: I cheese.
Friend: Heck, i won’t even go to mamak yumca! I’ll leave immediately after my meal. If i see someone smokes, i’ll be like “man, you’re a lucky bastard”.
Cheesie: What happens when all your friends light up a ciggie after meals?
Friend: Tell me about it! That’s why i normally eat alone. I feel sorry for my smoking friends, and feel extremely paiseh to go out with them.
Cheesie: Why paiseh? You didn’t do anything wrong.
Friend: We all know that smoking kills. I quit smoking earlier than them, it’s like they’e gonna die sonner.
Cheesie: That’s a…hmm… strange theory. But you will still enjoy the company of your friends when you go yumca, no? It’s not all about smoking.
Friend: Hell no. For me, a yumca session consists of 20% of drinking (tea), 20% of chit-chatting, and 60% of smoking.
Friend: Yea! If i were allowed to choose only one, i’ll rather zip my mouth, stay thirsty, and start smoking away. Wahaha.
Cheesie: Cheez, that gives yumca a whole new definition. Do your friends support your decision to quit smoking?
Friend: They do. But i still feel very uneasy when they start smoking in front of me, because i don’t know where to put my hands!
Cheesie: Haha. Do they ever tempt you into smoking again?
Friend: Hell yes! After a beer or two, they will start shoving a ciggie in between my teeth. Bastard friends.
Cheesie: Quite hard to resist the temptations huh?
Friend: It’s SO. HARD! Imagine 12 out of 10 friends of yours smoke, even the strangers standing beside you!
Cheesie: I understand.
Friend: Smoking is like a symbolization of the togetherness in a friendship. Lemmi ask you, what’s the first thing that you wanna do when you go travelling with your friends?
Cheesie: Err… take photo lo.
Friend: For me, it’s the thought of lighting up a cig when you walk out from the airport, the hotel… I can’t think of anything else. My mind only functions properly after a few puffs.
Cheesie: Now that you can’t smoke, what do you do to get rid of the cravings?
Friend: Keep my mouth full! Can’t you see why i keep buying snacks?
Cheesie:*chuckles* Yea i noticed. No wonder people gain weight after they quit smoking?
Friend: Think about it. One ciggie equals to a KitKat bar. Another ciggie equals to one pint of rootbeer. Another is a bag of Chachos…
Cheesie: Cheez. That sucks.
Friend: That’s not all. The worst is, i ask myself this question everyday. “WHY DO I HAVE TO QUIT SMOKING WHEN I CAN SMOKE?”
Cheesie: Erm. Ok, thank you for your time. Lastly, any useful advice for those people who intend to quit smoking?
Friend: Two words. DON’T QUIT. Seriously. Smoking is the best thing happened in my life. Thank you.