Tragic experience in a porn theatre

February 7, 2009 in Japan / The Stinky Cheese

Osaka is a strange city. I’ve witnessed the most disturbing scene in my life when i went to Osaka one day.

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But i will come to that later.

It was a sunny but very cold day. In the afternoon it snowed a little.

Osaka is full of strange people. It is said to be the dodgiest place in Japan. I didn’t believe it.

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And dirty too. I didn’t believe it.

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We went to Shinsaibashi (心斎橋) at night. Which is the best shopping place in Osaka.

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Which is where i bought my 1000 Yen gorgeous heels. Soooo many people.

And then hor, you must must must go to this indian curry shop.

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Ya, it’s called Indian Curry. And it’s so small and completely missable. I dunno how to guide you, but it’s nearby Shinsaibashi!

There are prolly only like, 7 or 8 stools around the bar table. But the curry rice was just…

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700 Yen for white rice + curry + an egg on top. That’s all. I swear it’s good. A little sweet (amaguchi) at first, but after the first few mouthful it was just perfect.

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Forget about Coco Ichiban.

Still hungry, we went for snacks.

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Best takoyaki in the world.

And then we went home.

Oh ya, the tragic experience actually happened on the day we went to Tsūtenkaku. But because i have too much to blog about it, i will tell you my tragic experience separately, which is now.

It’s liddis one.

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So we saw this Porn Theatre, and wanted to watch (!!!).

I was also curious, so we both paid 800 Yen each and walked in. Apparently you can watch as long as you want, because they will keep rotating the AVs, you watch until you get sextified.

As soon as we entered the theatre, we regretted.

It was old, dodgy, and smelly.

I suddenly had very bad vibes about this place. I dunno where the smell came from!! I suddenly pictured thousands of stinky horny bald old hentai men (with itchy, hairy balls) jerking themselves off in the theatre, and their semen spilled all over the seat, hence the unpleasant odor.

But since we were in already might as well watch la! Right now i feel a need to explain and illustrate the hall in detail.

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Imagine this is the theatre la. Of course not so pretty. I added dirt and flies to illustrate the smelliness.

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So we sat down (ewww). On the big theatre screen, the hero was already ******* the heroine’s *****.

There were maybe a total of 10 or 12 people in the entire theatre, i assumed they were all stinky horny bald old hentai men (with itchy, hairy balls) who planned on jerking themselves off in the theatre.

So then we spotted a strange couple sitting about three rows in front of us.

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It was an old man (in yellow), with grey hair, so i assumed he was about 50-60 years old. Next to him was this woman (in blue) with a BIG HAT. They sat next to each other, watching and concentrating on the hero ****** the heroine’s *****.

But then 2 minutes later, something very disturbing happened…

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The man sat nearer and nearer to the woman, and started whispering into her ears in such an intimate manner it was only appropriate in, ironically, an AV movie. For a moment i thought she was a hooker who followed the man into the theatre for “work”.

At this moment, TK nudged me to watch and we already couldn’t take our eyes off them, completely ignoring the theatre screen.

Then the impossible happened.

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The man went down on the woman.

His head completely disappeared from the seat, and right now we could see the woman’s hat moving up and down, her back arched back and forth.

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(How turf is it possible?!??!)

The rest of the audience seemed to notice it, and they all turned around to watch. Nobody seemed to pay attention to the big screen, although now the heroine was ****** the hero’s ***** with a *****. Then again, we’ve got live action in the threatre, who gives a **** about the porn!!!!

But the strange couple didn’t seem to care. They continued doing what they did. Only this time, the woman started to let out a little moan. TK and I exchanged a glance, both aghast, and froze in disbelief.

If by now you think whatever we witnessed was disturbing enough, you are so. dead. wrong.

What happened next, or rather, what we discovered next, was the mostest, disturbingest scene one could ever see in a theatre.

It didn’t strike us until the woman started moaning louder and louder. I think she came.

Guess what happened.

Guess.

Guess.

Guess.

Guess.

Guess.

Guess.

Guess.

Guess.

Well. Nothing happened.

The woman was moaning. Except that…

It wasn’t a woman’s voice.

It was a man’s.

A man.

He was wearing such a big hat we couldn’t tell that he was a he.

You tell me. What could be more disturbing than watching two MIDDLE AGE GAY MEN HAVING SEX IN A THEATRE?

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They left the cinema after some cleaning up (i know la cuz i heard plastic and tissue noise). I could see them clearly then. Both men are in their 50s or 60s.

TK and I couldn’t bear to stay in that disgusting place a second longer. Not to mention i kinda got molested by this stinky horny bald old hentai men (with itchy, hairy balls) on the way out. He didn’t molest la, but he gave me this grotesque, hamsup glare as i walked out, and when i passed him by he suddenly gave a heavy pat on my left shoulder and shouted something in Japanese which i was too shocked to remember.

Then he ran away. I almost cried and i kept having this paranoid feeling that my left shoulder was itchy. TK brought me to game center to cheer me up.

I swear i will never go to a porn threatre in Osaka ever again.

ARRRGH.

(Maybe i will go to the ones in Tokyo next time.)