I think hor, i should add a recipe category, because i have been cooking quite a lot. You know like how some food blogs have these “How to Cook (whatever)” category to teach you how to cook whatever. 

I still can’t decided if i am hardworking or lazy. Because cooking is such a fuss, and walking outside under hot sun to tapao food sounds like an even more tragic option, and i’m too lazy to change and go out anyway.  So i cook.

So from now on, you might, from time to time, read about my kind-of, sort-of, not really cooking. Maybe i will name it “Perfect Recipe for Disaster”. Here, you will read about a million ways How Not to Cook (whatever).

Today’s lesson is, How Not to Cook Tarako Pasta.

A short Tarako Video to get you into the mood.

Preparation:

Step 1. Do not bother checking what you have in your fridge, just go with your feeling.

Step2. Do research online. Find the recipe. Try to copy the recipe and follow at least half the instructions. However, just like plagiarism, copy smart. If you don’t have whatever they say you need, don’t let them fool you. Just replace it with whatever your guts/tummy tell you.

Step3. Open your fridge and take out random objects you think you might need.

Recipe:

• 1 sac of tarako (bought from Isetan. I love you Isetan.)
• 1 serving of capellini (if you dunno how much is one serving, just grab however much you feel like)
• one bottle of Japanese mayonnaise (you never know how much you need!)
• some onion  (forget it if you don’t have it)
• some garlic (in this case, it is some six month old garlic, or is it older?)
• some butter
• one egg
• some seaweed shreds
• some soy sauce (just in case your cooking turns out to be quite tasteless. It’s called contingency cooking.)

How To:

Step1. So, take out the tarako from the freezer very last minute just before your cooking so that you will have a hard time thawing it. It is a blessing if the sac shape of your tarako looks like a fish, because… because it is cute. And cute is blessing.

Step2: Throw in the whatever amount of capellini into the water a little too soon, cook for awhile, and then add some salt into the water just when you suspect the capellini is going abit too soft, then quickly take it out from the cooker before it can absorb the salt (see, that’s how the emergency soy sauce comes in handy).

Step3: Put the pasta aside. Now chop some six-month old garlic a bit too chunky, reheat the cooker and splatter some butter into the cooker, throw the oversized garlic cubes into the cooker and fry, while squeezing whatever amount of mayo you feel like into the cooker. And then just stir and mix them around.

Step4: Now because you only have one multi purpose electrical cooker, but you have to cook an egg right now, like, now (like, now.) So what i recommend is, boil some water with your electric kettle, and throw an egg in (i don’t mean throw like, throw la. Put it gently, so it doesn’t crack, yea, that’s what i mean). And leave it for… i’ll come to that later.

Step5: Now back to the cooker. When you feel it is about time, feel free to add in the pasta and mentaiko at the same time. Cook with extreme high heat so that everything sticks to the pot and gets slightly burned. Oh, do forget to scrap the content of the roe from the sac so that you have to frantically stir and chop and stab and dissect with your spatula in case it doesn’t spread evenly all over the pasta.

Step6: Completely, utterly forget about the egg.

Step7: Meanwhile, some of the individual roes get too cooked and they will pop around in the cooker like mini explosions. Just sit back and enjoy the sound/sight of it. Because it’s really cute.

Step8: Cook until you realize it is a tad too dry (the noodle starts to shrink and the popping of tarako becomes violent), then quickly turn off the electric and pour them out onto the plate. You will notice the fragrance of butter, mayo and burned tarako and feel extremely proud of yourself.

Step9: Now, take out the egg (after you have completely forgotten about it), throw it (you know i don’t mean what i don’t mean) into ice water, wait for 1 minute and peel off the shell.

Step10: Expect a nice, onsen-like soft boil egg but act surprised while you find out that it’s hard as rock. After all, you have totally forgotten about it, and it is part of the procedure.

Step11: (Pretend to) pour the slightly liquidy egg on top of the pasta and imagine the runny yolk flowing down the pasta gracefully.

Step12: Cut the already soggy and sticky seaweed in odd, irregular shapes (abit too thick) and sprinkle over the pasta.

Step13: Ready to serve.

😀

Tasted amazing nontheless.

Another Tarako TVC for your pleasure.

Thank you for reading Perfect Recipe for Disaster: How Not to Cook Tarako Pasta.

Have a disastrous day. =)