Uncle

June 21, 2010 in Senti-Emmental

At about 6pm, mom called to tell me that my uncle is very sick. He’s in the hospital now and in a coma. He probably doesn’t have much time left.

The first thing that was registered in my mind was, finally, it happened. I haven’t been in contact with this uncle for the longest time since i left home for studies. And he hasn’t been most healthy since ten years ago. But throughout these 10 years, i was secretly fearful of the thing that’s gonna happen one day, which is happening right now.

I thought of the times when my friends told me that their relative passed away, or when my friends told me that some other friend’s relative passed away, and how i felt nothing. Like, i know that human passes away, because they get old, get sick, etc. It is only life.

So after i hung up the phone, i broke down. Tears flowed down non-stop and my heart was filled with horror. Because the next thing that came through my mind, was all the memories i had of him. None of my friends has heard of him, because i never mentioned about him. But let’s just say that he was the only man who treated me nice before the word “boyfriend” existed in my life. He was the only male figure i looked up to when i was a child. He took care of me like he was my father, because i didn’t have one. Now i should stop going on about how much he has done for me because the more i type the wetter the keyboard becomes.

Then i had this thought. I realized that i was the most selfish person i have ever known. Because i thought i should visit him before he……, then i thought, no, that’s the last thing i wanted to do right now. I don’t think i can handle it, i really don’t.

Then i wanted to shut the phone off. And maybe throw it away. And maybe just buy a ticket and leave for somewhere and never come back so i never have to deal with it.

Then i found myself analyzing the pattern of the flowers on my bedroom’s wallpaper. There are chunks of flowers all over, and when you look at it from far, it looks like it is arranged diagonally. And most of the bouquets consist of four pink roses, and one purple rose. And the one next to it has more purple, and some orange.

Then i wondered why i was analyzing my wallpaper.

Then i regretted realizing that i was conscious about me analyzing the wallpaper. because, honestly, counting flowers on a wallpaper has never felt so good in my entire life. Not like i do it often. But still. It blocked my mind.

I blocked my mind. But it is like putting a stopper in the sink while letting the tap run non-stop.

In just a bit, the whole room will be flooded. Mine was flooded.

That is what death do to you. It fucks your mind up. I don’t mean it in the way that when you die, your brain stops functioning or whatever. I’m talking about thinking about death itself. It fucks your mind up.

Like what it is doing to me now. I don’t think anything about me is coherent right now. After staring at the wall for one whole hour (which i stopped doing after i realized i was doing it), i briefly considered about playing some Wii Sports Resort, which was what i intended to do before the phone call came. It might do me some good. Like take my mind off things or whatever.

Then i thought, what the fuck am i thinking? Have i lost my fucking mind? (Which was really ironic because i think i just did.) SOMEONE RELATED TO ME IS DYING AND I AM GONNA PLAY WII? What kind of horrible human am i?

Then i started to think of something else. And then realized that there wasn’t anything else that i could think of without me sounding like a horrible person. What am i gonna think about? Dolly Wink? Mentaiko? It all sounds insignificant and absurd to me right now, in my mind. Because the word DEATH is sitting massively next to all those other pleasant words i like. For example, christmas tree. If christmas tree is written in font size 4, then death is size 400,000,000,000,000. When something is so huge, you may want to agree that it’s hard to see anything else.

Then i started to think about stupid things like, why do human die? I don’t want the scientific answer like, because people get old, and old people get sick and weak, and then their body can’t take it and they die. I mean like, why do we HAVE TO die. Why did (whatever mysterious and powerful source) create human, give them life, then make them die? I mean, dying is like the worst part of a life. Humans work hard, deal with shit that happens in their life, get dumped by lovers, get broke, maybe even get STD, etc etc etc, and endure all of it.

AND THE ONE THING THEY GET AT THE END OF THEIR LIFE IS DEATH????? WTF? HOW DOES THAT WORK?

Why does something called life end so tragically? because most people suffer when they die. I don’t think there are many people who die while they are shopping on Liz Lisa’s website.

I MEAN, WHY DON”T ALL FUCKING HUMANS JUST STOP EXISTING ALTOGETHER FROM THE BEGINNING?   I mean, what’s the fucking point? Whatever created all these thing, seriously, what’s the fucking point are you trying to proof? Actually, everything should just stop existing in the first place. EVERYTHING. And the galaxy is just this… this… huge, black void that is… nothing. Yeap, nothing.

And then i thought about more nonsense like this. A series of infinite questions that leads me nowhere except a more fucked up mind.

I wonder if it is possible for someone to stop caring for another person because the someone cares too much about the other person. I mean, for the longest time, i have been avoiding the thoughts of my uncle—-in fact, anyone, leaving me. And i think in the process i started to detach myself from them just so that i feel… i dunno, safe? Is that even possible? Because in the end you still have to deal with it. At a later time. I mean, it is not like Facebook, where you can just press a delete button and the person is gone from your life. Or at least your Facebook.

I desperately needed someone to tell me something good. I needed some reassurance. Not about telling me that my uncle will get better, because that is like telling me the impossible, but to tell me that i will be OK.

So it is all about me isn’t it. I am doing all these because i don’t want myself to feel sad. Everything is about me. Everything all everything. I am amazed at my own selfishness.

How do people cope with death? They always say, time heals. But what time? when? how long? Can you like, give me a time frame? One week? One month? One year?  I have dealt with death before, when my grandma passed away. It wasn’t that hard because i was younger and i wasn’t that attached to her. But the more i think the more i freak out. How many deaths do we have to deal with in our lives? 5? 10? 15? How do we get ourselves prepared for it? Is it possible to get used to death? Like, when you get older and people around you started dying and you just go, oh, another bit the dust, oh well. How does it work? What if you have a HUGE ASS FAMILY????? Like, 40 relatives who are older than you or something. So you attend like 40 funerals? I dunno. Does that not sound scary to you?

And then now i don’t know what to type anymore because not knowing what to type anymore means that i will have to go back to thinking about what i was thinking just now. Which scares me. Which is why this entry is so long BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO STOP AND THINK.

Can someone tell me something nice? Anything.

97 responses to “Uncle”

  1. cheem says:

    Hey, hope you’re doing ok ya. Take good care of yourself, and holler if you need anything k! *hugs*

  2. Tan Yee Hou says:

    *hugssss*

    Its okay Cheese,

    We’ve forgotten people till the time comes, but just remember that they were really nice people.

    *pat pat*

  3. Christock says:

    I think you should go visit him if you have the time… You don’t want regrets and I think if it’s him, it’s really worth breaking your heart for. Sorry if it’s not helping your situation :'(

  4. You’re a strong woman and you know it. Therefore you will be alright.

  5. joey cheong says:

    since everyone has to face death,
    why not try spending some time accompany your uncle in the hospital?
    althought he is in coma,
    what matters most is the heart 🙂

    cheer up chessie.

  6. Lovethyou says:

    Lemme give you a big cheese hug~
    love you. ;( cheeserolls! (cheerios)

  7. anon says:

    maybe you should go see him.it will take some time for you to recover from the trauma(i’m sorry i really dont know how long it will take) but at least you won’t be like me.only regretting not seeing that person when he’s in the hospital for one last time before he died because i didnt think that i could handle it.it was really selfish of me.

    and since he doted on you,maybe it’s his wish to see you one last time before he’s gone too.

  8. kayla says:

    it was a similar thing with me and my Gramps.
    stay by him, talk to him, he needs you.
    be strong girl. 🙂 don’t despair! pray for him.
    *hugs and sayang* 🙂

  9. May Zhee says:

    It’s hard not to think about death. I have this problem too, where I overthink it and I make myself sad, but I’m hoping it’s just a phase.

    In the end I just tell myself life is too short (I might die tomorrow, I won’t know) to be wasted on thinking too much about matters like death.

    If I have to lose someone close to me, it’d be horrible of course. I don’t know how I’d deal with it … because you just can’t imagine the pain of losing someone to death until it really happens. I suppose I’ll cry, and cry, and cry somemore, then feel really empty inside, and I’ll feel like I won’t smile again, but I’ll be fine some day. I’ll never be completely fine, that’s natural and part of life, but things will get better. We’ll all get better some day.

    But until something like that happens, I try not to think too much about it and just treasure my moments with everyone I have right now with me :/

  10. Hawk says:

    People die, to be remembered.

    Ponder that for a moment.

  11. Big Cow says:

    My good friend passed away a week ago and i m still reeling in shock. But his passing did wake me up a lot. It makes me realized how fragile life is and it makes me treasure people around me even more. U will be ok, Ringo. *hugs*

  12. FionaChan says:

    *sends cheesey hugs*

    you should visit him. To him you’re probably super precious and he would love you to visit him, even though he’s in coma. Of course you will be okay, just don’t be in denial.
    Good luck.

  13. Jess says:

    When my same age very close cousin passed away in a freak accident, i just went blank, cried non-stopped, regretted never talked to him that much after our graduation and wonders why took away such a nice man like him. Also I am afraid that I’m going to die soon and leave my family.. Everytime I sleep I dream of his last look I see when he is in the coffin. I know I wont see him again 😥 . But he lives in my memories.

    Life is so short that we cannot wait to see what going to happen next, we just need to make it happen and I guess we are going to see our dearest family members/friends to go first sometimes, so meantime we enjoy and appreciate our friends and live happily doing what we like without bothering what others think. So if this Uncle really care for you, maybe you should pay him a visit to wish him to stay strong.And we shouldn’t live with regret.

    Stay strong ya !

  14. Mimi says:

    When my grandma died someone told me :” No one is dead until they are forgotten, there are a lot of dead people walking around.”

    I remember my granny everyday. She is always in my heart.

    But, this is the most important thing to know, do not be mad at yourself for what you think or how you feel. Sometimes the despair and depression that comes with death is overwhelming and our minds, (and souls!) Just need a little time to step out of that moment.
    Wii is okay, dollywink too… allow yourself time to think of other things.
    hugs to you sweetheart.

  15. Ben McC says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your uncle. 😥 Honestly, it will get better and everything will be ok. You will grow and there will be a new normal. 😐 Do yourself a favor and grieve. Don’t stop yourself from grieving. That is part of the process.

  16. zachary says:

    trust me.. deep in ur heart u wanna spend the remaining time of his life by his side, dun run away frm it, otherwise u might regret 4 the rest of ur life..
    since he’s in coma now, i belif he wont suffer so much.. God bless him~!

  17. Lydia says:

    I have big problems worrying about death and stuff, it’s different for everyone…

    losing someone is always hard but it’s very important to keep thinking of them and keep them in your heart, and support everyone around you in the hope that they will do the same, you and your mom need each other

    I really think you should go and visit him, otherwise you may regret it and that will make things much harder

    my love goes out to you and your family cheesie <3

  18. RMilner says:

    Man is born to sorrow as the sparks fly upwards.

    Go to your uncle even if he is in a coma. He will know you are there and that will make a difference. I know this because it happened with my father-in-law who got cancer and died. It was a precious thing to him that his family was near him in his final illness.

    I still think of him and other relatives and friends who died. It is like what others said above — they can live on in your heart.

    For every funeral there is a wedding or a christening (naming ceremony). Your job is to carry the torch.

  19. Neko says:

    Hey there!
    Your Blog is very cool!
    I can’t belive it!
    How do you made all this?
    The Background and so on.
    Arrg, my Website is very BOORING -__-
    Can you give me some reviews?
    Thanks and very great pictures of you <3
    Carlotta from Hamburg, Germany

  20. ShaolinTiger says:

    Yes it’s all about you, at your age I thought you’d be able to deal with death better than this.

    Go and see him, at least give him some good memory of you before he passes on, even if he’s in a coma he may well feel something or hear something or have some cognition in his brain.

    An no it’s not gonna be ok, he’s gonna die, you are gonna be sad – but if you don’t go and see him you’ll hold that sadness forever in the form of regret.

    You can’t run away from these things, you gotta face them up, accept that person is going to be gone soon and get on with your life.

    Life is awesome, don’t waste it pondering stupid shit which you can never find an answer to because THERE IS NO ANSWER.

    The only truth is we all die.

  21. I’m the same as you, I’ve never really dealt with death before.
    When I was a lot younger, about 7 or so, my grandpa passed away, and shortly after, my uncle died. But I was too young to really understand. I mean, I got the fact that they died. But I wasn’t really attached to them, just like you were when you were younger, with your grandmother.
    It really is a scary thought, to think that someone can just go away one day, and never come back. I’ve heard about and read a lot about people dying and all that kind of stuff, but I’ve never really experienced it. Just thinking about it gets me scared, so I try not to.
    I don’t think it’s really “selfish” to try to not think about it. It’s normal that we don’t want to think about things that make us sad or things we don’t understand. What would be selfish though, is that if you really didn’t go visit him. Especially if you loved and respected him that much, you should go see him. Because if you don’t, you’ll surely regret it.
    Again, I don’t have much experience so I don’t really have the right to “lecture” you, but it’s something that I believe you really should do.
    Hope you feel better soon!

  22. tune it out says:

    How dare a dying man upset our princess!

    Tune him out by going on shopping spree, japan and more. This blog is more important than a dying man. Blog more! No more of this depressing shit pls.

    Gossip more and speak bad about others behind their back. Don’t waste time with the dying man because your turn is gonna come anyway.

    The older you are, the higher risks of getting something like cancer and the chances of dying VERY PAINFULLY. Death is very painful, no matter what you do, it is not going to be pleasant.

    • Linh says:

      How can you say that! That’s her uncle. She’s upset and you’re telling her not to waste time thinking about one of her family members. At first I thought she only cared for herself but I see that there’s more than her big buns and cute asian clothes. She has a heart and mind that’s very in depth. Her blog is not more important than her dying uncle. I think you need a reality check.

  23. Glo-w says:

    Every experience in life is a lesson. Every juncture, an opportunity.

    I hear denial, regrets and sadness. The fact that you have pondered life’s great questions shows that you have a brilliant mind. It’s still findings it’s way to solace.

    Submerge yourself in every emotion, knowing that you will emerge stronger and wiser from it. Sometimes vulnerability can in fact make you stronger, do not be afraid of it.

  24. Candy says:

    I experienced your same feelings since I begun to think about death. until my friend introduced me the books of this author: Dr Brian Weiss. His book talks about reincarnation and regression therapy.

    You may try reading “Many Lives, Many Masters” or “Same Soul, Many Bodies”.
    It changes my thought about life and death, as you wont feel that you are gg to disappear when you die 😥 . because it is said that we are immortal as we have the same soul, but we are bound to go through many lives in many bodies .

  25. Vicky says:

    Hey Cheesie cheer up, I dealt with death of my uncle who got into an accident. I don’t really attach to him so able to deal with it easily. But I saw my cousin, she cried and down for the whole month, I can’t even see her shadow for 2 months! By the time I see her, she got so much thinner than before, but what I surprise of is…

    She is happy.

    She put everything behind, willing to let them off.

    She knew that her dad will be in heaven, where this place is much more nicer then here suffering earth place. She knew that her dad need no to worry about the shits on earth anymore. Well if you believe in Christ, God says let her dad’s life end here, and there her dad’s soul is taken by the angel. God says is time for her dad to rest in peace and it happens. But Cheesie, you know God loves us, he don’t want to see us suffer that much.

    U’ve said that ur uncle is not really healthy in the beginning right? Is he having a good life ever since u left him?

    世界上没有不散的宴席。

  26. cheer up cheesie.Do drop by and visit your uncle once.I am sure you want to be treated the same too if that ever happens to you (touch wood).We all have to die one day in our life.So, think of the bright side becoz at the end of every tunnel there is light!

  27. Cass says:

    We all die, so accept that fact. There is no why to it, at least that’s what I think.

    Death doesn’t have to be so sad. But what will make you grieve the most is the fact that you didn’t do the things you could have with your loved one. So do the things you can now for your uncle, and when he is gone, you just have to move on, and experience more things in your life. As a famous Japanese term goes: 一期一会.

    Do take care, Cheesie. Remember the times you had with your uncle. Cherish it, and celebrate his life that he lead.

  28. Alexandra says:

    Oh, poor Ringo! *hugs tight*

    I hope you can go and see him, and say all the things you want and need to. And if he does go, remember that you have to be sad to know how to be happy. Life comes in cycles, and although we’ll always remember our important people, they want us to go on even after they go.

    I hope you find peace, sweetheart.

  29. Manzy says:

    Would you like apple strudel? me is be going KL~ i can get u apple strudel ^^

    Sorry to talk to u bout food at this time T.T

    I have dealt with death as well, but not a human. It was my beloved cat. Got me crying for months. The thing is, someone will be there to make u feel better for sure, and u will eventually let it go, accept it as it is. (Sorry if you suddenly think of Koyuki and Cheddie in a death scene)

    I had no one. Had to walk alone. The more I cried, the more my friends got annoyed. They’d reply me “your cat again?” sigh. But its fine, they dont understand anyway.

    I always have fears of my loved one leaving me in that sense. Erm..Parents to be specific. Whats worst.. is im not in the same country. But I trust they would take care of themselves especially if they are healthy to begin with.

    Cheer up ya. Try to gather the courage and visit your uncle. Talk to him even if he cant reply u. Sounds funny, but you could tell him how you have been since u went away for studies. ^^

    All the best Cheesie. You’ve got our backs ^^

    p.s. still want apple strudel? XD (I’m not being selfish, just cheering u up..with erm.. food.)

  30. zOee says:

    My mom passed on more than 15 years ago. Her death was unexpected, so it was a tremendous blow to me. Of course it had a great impact on my family and me, but life goes on. Until today, tear drops still well up in my eyes everytime i think of my mom. Time helps but I do not think you can put a time frame on it. It depends on how close you are to that person. Keep the good memories alive. Go visit him. Cry your heart out if you want to. Dont hold anything back.

    Be strong and you will be just fine. Take care.

  31. yumii says:

    sigh.. i really do not know what to say coz i suck at consoling people. but do pay him a visit, even though he is not aware that you are there. but that is the thing you should do right now.

    Nobody can avoid death, so the only thing that we can do is try our best to send the dying person away in smile and laughter. I mean, I wouldn’t want to leave the earth with crying+wailing people around me. That is really depressing to me, coz I will feel like i haven’t done enough for everyone.

    Therefore, go see him, and thank him for everything he has done for you although he might not hear it, But I wish that your voice could be heard in some way. Let him be serene and happy to know that he had done enough for everyone he knows and dotes on.

    I wish I had the chance to do that when my grandfather passed away.

  32. David says:

    Ringo,

    The cycle of life and death and ones dealing with all aspects of life starting with conception, birth, growth and eventually death often comes from ones belief system.

    As a Christian, I believe that life itself is a gift from God. By leading a good life where one recognizes good and evil, and makes an effort to be good, will earn one eternal life after death on this earth.

    You may be at a point in life, that while you are successful, you might consider more of life’s meaning, and how you can relate to this short time we are allowed to live here.

    Love is God’s greatest gift to human kind. Love is what binds a man and wife, leads to loving conception of children. Children learn how to love from caring parents. Life goes on to another generation.

    Both my parents are gone from this world, and while I miss them, I know they are in a better place.

    Email me if you want me to share more or if you have questions.

    David

  33. moon says:

    the best thing to do now is to face your fear. you shud go and visit him, spend time by his bed side. of course, it will hurt u like hell, but it’s always better to face ur fear than to run away from it. sooner or later, it will catch up with you, and how long can you keep running…?

  34. wei says:

    hey cheesie..go visit him dear.

  35. fiionx says:

    go visit him before he passed away ? At least you give yourself a chance to see him for the very last time. Talk to him for a bit.

    you will regret a lot if you didnt see him for the very last time before he passed away.

    take care cheesie .. 🙂 .

  36. nikolerocks says:

    you will be okay. time does heal.

    read this: http://www.essortment.com/all/stagesofgri_rvkg.htm

    hope this helps.

  37. be strong says:

    HI Cheesie,

    A few years back, my mentor and brother buddy passed in a horrific bike accident, his skull cracked into half and died instantly, he was only 30.. When i heard of the news, i was on the bus on the way to school, i was alone. And i just started crying uncontrollably on the bus. Although he wasn’t related to me, but he was someone i knew and had taught me things i didn’t know. I know the feeling of a big empty chunk that’s missing from your heart and how it eats you up and drives you to do things you are not aware of.. I was so angry with God, and the world, he was so young, he was a good man how could God take him away from us?

    I felt that there wasn’t a point in life (just like you wrote). But then someone said this at his memorial service ” our loss is Leslie’s gain”. He’s into a better place now (what i believe).. and he wouldn’t have to suffer anymore..

    It it takes time and its hard, but remember the good stuff and be grateful that you once experienced them with this special person of yours.

    You will be fine. 🙂

  38. ashley says:

    i think you’re a loser who can’t face death. sure it’s difficult but you shouldn’t runaway or buy a ticket to go somewhere else. it’s like being disrespectful to your uncle. don’t you get any education on that?

    • Big Cow says:

      Who are you to call Ringo a loser just because she is not prepared to face death? Your life must be really very extremely miserable that you face death all the time that’s why you act so high and mighty is it? Do you need to be so rude? Can’t u write in a more tactful manner? quoting you, “don’t you get any education on that?”

      • ashley says:

        yes, i need to be that rude on ppl who’re irresponsible. Who are you to protect her then? i think you’re the loser for cursing people like that. I didn’t call her a loser and i didn’t say mean things like ” your life must be really miserable …”. you’re the shit big cow.

        • jack says:

          errr, you just said “i think you’re a loser” ?
          some people just have their own weaknesses, instead of criticizing and putting others down, you may want to start doing something constructive and nice 🙂

        • Porkie says:

          can you please stop. both your two posts have thus far caused aggro. do you even realise what you posted first time around?

          “ashley AUSTRALIA 21 June, 2010 at 12:50 pm says:

          i think you’re a loser who can’t face death.”

          and yet you’re now saying you didn’t call her a loser? plese if you do not have anything decent to say then just keep it to yourself because all you’re gonna do is provoke more of a reaction (unless that is your intention which will then prove what an insensitive individual you are).

      • David says:

        Big Cow,

        I agree with you.

        Ashely is being insensitive and mean spirited.

        Many people have trouble facing the death of a loved one when young.

        Having lost both parents, I know that when another loses a loved relative, that person, Ringo in this case, deserves to be treated with compassion and kindness.

        David

  39. mnda says:

    the best way to deal with death is to go head-on.
    go visit him, spend the last moments with him. be there for him like he was there for you.
    it’s a circle of life, old-age, sickness and death.
    let the tears flow… it helps us become stronger, later.

  40. minty says:

    Dealing with death of a person close to you is hard, especially for the first time. Remember that the memories will always be there to stay, as long as you remember them. Your uncle would want you to be happy with your life too. Life stops for nobody, except the dead. Go on with your life, do stuff that you used to do…..and keep him in your memories.

    Visiting him sounds like a good idea. You cannot run from your own mind :: face it head on. Grief is a normal process, it happens to everyone, and it goes away with time. How soon? When you are ready.

  41. bogoshipda says:

    Dealing with death is the most traumatic process we all have to endure. It makes us realise how important that we appreciate the people who are still around us and health is wealth.

    Please see your uncle before his passing as he is still here at the very moment and you will want to treasure the last moments with him before he goes.

    Take care

  42. Trythis says:

    Robinsharma – the monk who sold a ferrari .. read this book.. hope it helps

  43. June says:

    Agree that facing this is scary and you might worry that ur heart will not able to take it when he take his last breath. But keep this in mind, if you are in his shoe, I am sure u would want to see the one closest to you to send you off for your final journey. You will be relieve to know that you have fulfill his last wish. So Ringo, be there for him…. and for yourself too.

    He will go to a better place, away from all his suffering. *Hugs*

  44. Mike says:

    Hi, Cheesie,
    I feel very sorry about your uncle and hope you are strong enough to deal with it. Also hope that you visit him in hospital and give him some strong support.

  45. Coco says:

    You’re right. There’s no point in our existence, we all die in the end. Life is meaningless, but most people forget and attach themselves to it.

  46. momo says:

    My dog just passed away after a full long 15 years… I think theres nothing u can do except to get over it. Which u will eventually. And one day, u will need to face more deaths so be strong and live on to your fullest~!

  47. Ivy says:

    Pay your uncle a visit. Since we can’t stop death then just treasure the times now you have. Just cry your heart out if you have to. You’ll feel better, or at least you can release some of your sadness. Don’t hold back your tears. Stay strong.

  48. kcin says:

    try to think positive…. when u have a half full water, don’t think awww it’s only half left.. but instead think i’m glad that i still have half full water left while others are empty

    u will get what i mean i not good with words…

    go can go to this website http://www.do-not-zzz.com/

  49. Violet says:

    There are answers to life’s questions. Religions offer some. It is a great consolation to me after knowing that I will someday be reunited with my grandmother again and that death is only temporary separation. Take care.

  50. melody says:

    oh dear me!!!!
    this is sooo sad!!!!
    really hope he recovers!!!!

  51. WP says:

    They say that people have to die so that they will appreciate life more. Unlimited things lose their appeal…just see how limited edition stuff will get snapped up.

    Of course you’re thinking of yourself, my dear…everyone does. Even when they’re thinking of someone else. I see that some people are telling you to go and visit him…I think that you should, too. Or else you might regret it later…(so it’s again about you…but that’s the way it is, ya know?)

    You will be fine…awful as things are, we get through it. Take care.

  52. axiao says:

    cry if u have to, cos it will release all the emotion in u. but after that put up a strong face to go back and visit him, because that will cheer him up esp when u regarded him as ur father figure. im sure he also knows that.

    be strong.

  53. Wendy V. says:

    my uncle passed away on 31 of dec laz yr too…
    It’s a tough time bcoz he had cancer n lost more than 30kg b4 he died…
    u could imagine how sufferin it was…
    u can do it gal… take care =)

  54. owangee. says:

    Hey Cheesie, just christmas last year, my grandpa left us. i was never ever close to him. but i got to spend the last two hours with him and sent him off. yeah, watched him go. i know its not easy, be there for him, he’ll be with you. 😉

  55. kimmy says:

    Cheesie, go visit your uncle NOW. :O You might regret it later :S
    Cheer up and I hope you feel better! remember, he’s always inside your heart, that’s what matters, the memories that you had with him > <

    xx

  56. kreazi says:

    my uncle just passed away barely a month ago. I was devastated, despite drifting apart from him eversince i left for varisty years ago. we were hardly close the last 10 years, but yes, i did cry at his funeral. i suppose we can’t stop death. ppl will come into our lives, and when the time is due, they would have to leave. go spend some time with your uncle before his time is up. keep the good memories, and erase away the bad ones. take care!

  57. Charmaine says:

    Hey Ringo!
    I’m really sorry for what happened to your uncle.
    My deepest condolences to you & your family.

  58. LJ says:

    Maybe it is too big a blow for you to deal with. Talk to someone you can trust.
    *hugs

  59. evon t says:

    my deepest condolence

    n i lilkey your huskie dog !

  60. chuan says:

    Cheer up Ringo. My advise is, go n see him gal, that’s d only way you can do rite now. Try to talk with him although he is in a coma. Dont think too much, perhaps he will recover soon. 🙂

  61. daphne says:

    you have all of us supporting you here =)

    don’t give up. He wants you to move on too. 🙂

  62. shin says:

    I think about things like this when my aunt passed away. I even start thinking that whatever created us had only seen us as his toys: something for him to play with when he’s too free, and throw away when he’s bored.

    but anyway… regardless of the reason of why human exist, I’m sure you’re going to be fine. I thought I would never be okay when I hold my aunt’s cold hands, but eventually I moved on. I’m sure you will, too. 🙂

  63. Zytaris says:

    If it is possible, go and visit&be with him if you can. Perhaps hearing you and internally sensing you presence or even touch might just get him outside the coma state he’s in. I’ve seen it happen before and heard about such.

    Also, if this helps you in some way, briefly, What is called Death here, is nothing more than a transition into the next way of living. Yes a person may cease to exist here as we know life here, but in order to get into the next level of life, one must stop in this one and be in life of another way. It’s like becoming re-born.

    I’ve concluded by much experience, that the one reason why people freak out when someone close to us ‘dies’, is because we were part of their life here in meaningful memories and ways. Bonded with them.

    It is because we lack an education of what happens when people go like that, (and seemingly without proper expectation or pre-warning) we freak out, and levels of emotions come in front of us because we will not see them as we knew them when we were with them.

    Being a very regular fan of you, I hope this helps you in some way. There’s more I could share, but if you need details, feel free to have me know and I will do the best I can to comfort you in knowing some things. I understand exactly what you are going through in many levels, and how I wish deeply that I could just magically be there where you are and just listen and we talk so you can get through this all. *true hugs*

  64. yek yek says:

    pray to God, believe that ur uncle will meet God in heaven.
    God don’t just create human without any purpose, he existed in this world with a significant purpose. So are you. there is no way where human wont exist. life in earth is temporary, but life in heaven is eternal.
    So, dont be afraid of death. because God is in control. =)
    may God bless your uncle and you.

  65. Kaylynn says:

    Hope that things will get better for you. Cheer up. 🙂

  66. moon says:

    life is indeed complicated as u said. God created mankind and blessed us with some fantastic brains that created shoes, clothes and of course, glorious food 🙂 there are sooo many things to be thankful for in life. death simply means going back to where we came from, back to God. its time for someone else to experience life 🙂 i dare not say your uncle will be fine again, but whatever happens, it is for the better. u should visit him and make full use of all the time u both have together. even if he leaves, he will leave with no regrets 😉 take care, cheesie.

  67. JAsmine says:

    dont pull yourself away from him now.
    you’ll feel safer once you let yourself connect with him again.
    its okay to let it all out.
    because, firstly, if not now, then when?
    secondly, i guess you’ll see its really not that much of a big deal.

    honestly, i dont think one can ever get over a close loved one’s passing.
    but that’s good in a way, because emotions are still strong as you recall everything.
    so the memories will forever be kept alive in our hearts.

    dont be afraid to recall the memories you shared.
    they shouldnt be avoided cos that would be denial.
    the more you try avoid, the more it will unconciously haunt you.
    embrace the things you will have to face.
    you can do it! -huggs-

    my grandma passed on more than a year ago already.
    and occasionally i still cry in bed thinking of her and how useless of a granddaughter i’ve been
    i blame myself for not seeing her before she passed on due to some stupid reason.
    at the end of the day, you will realise that we place too many miscellaneous things in life too high up in our priority list!
    and they are so meaningless compared to spending the last few moments with your loved ones.
    let them know that you do love them very much, more than anything else.
    that’s the best gift to them.
    dont make the same mistake as me.

    grant your uncle his ‘final wish’
    go spend sometime with him!

  68. polka says:

    haiiii… you will be ok, even if everyone else dies, your blog won’t die… unless you didn’t pay the fee or something for the page…it might go stale, if you don’t maintain it, but as cheeses go, the more stale it gets, the nastier the smell it gets, and the more people will like it, no?:P

    k la, cut with the crap, you just have to think that “everyone else dealt with it fine, so can I!!!” and repeat that to yourself in the mirror for as many times as needed and you will walk out bravely and face whatever death there is in stored for you.

    And sometimes when we are in a dilemma and don’t know what to do, its best to face it. Because what’s unknown is always the scaries. When we go through it, it is not as scarry anymore. 🙂

    And remember to let yourself be fragile once in a while, because that’s the beauty in you. take care la.

  69. J says:

    i feel you. I’ve gone through both my grandfather’s death and my uncle’s death and let’s just say those were the 2 most difficult phases of my life. The worst thing now is, i secretly keep thinking about the time when my grandmother will leave me. I detest it. It’s like, the more you don’t want something to happen, the more your subconscious cheats you into thinking about it.

    Maybe that’s the whole point about life, about everything. It’s a continuous and ever-changing flow, nothing’s ever stagnant. The reason why we have such short life maybe because God, or whichever supernatural power intended us to Cherish and Strive.

    Sigh. All will be well . Hugs

  70. Lenna says:

    You should go see him if you can.

    My Dad died last fall and so I just had my first Father’s Day without him. It hurt a lot then, but as time goes by, I think less of how sick he was and how scary it was going and seeing him in the hospital and more of all the good memories we have of him. I am going to be sad about losing my Dad for a long time, but the good memories help me cheer up some.

    This will hurt and you will be sad for a while, but soon you’ll be able to remember all the good times more than these scary bad times and you will be alright in the end.

  71. Nat says:

    Take some time off, go see ur uncle even it might be the last time to reduce the guilt in u.
    Its true that time will heal but its very subjective on the duration.
    Some might never heal at all, coz we cant easily replace someone in our life.
    Grief, cry but do not deny death.
    God bless – from someone who is still grieving over a death.

  72. (: says:

    my granny passed away last yr. she was very dear to us though we visited infrequently. we spent most of our childhood at the comfort of her home. when she fell ill (which was very sudden like sick, ambulance, hospital, very sick, feeling more at ease (i tot getting better) then BOOM! THE CALL. we cried and cried and fucking cried till there werent no tears but only the weird, sour, aching feel in hearts. we had re-runs of memories, good and bad, replaying 24/7 on our minds.

    i had my reservations about visiting her too cos i didnt wanna see her feeling uncomfortable. i honestly tot she was getting better, she was never seriously ill! i hated the hospital cos everyone else seems so ill and its like they were so alone and sad while i chose to think mine was just there because she had diarrhea. she died in a matter of days and the elder generation had chose not to pre-empt us when something wasnt right! even at the funeral everything felt so surreal like she was still at home holding her walking aid and packing stuff when she paced around the house and then now she’d no longer be there during visits?

    it was a very tough time and of course we started getting all remorseful for not visiting more often and all.. tears came in bouts and lasted hours and hours but we needed to get back on feet, study or work alike. i guess it took things off our minds little by little. we still miss her and reminisce her sweet presence ever so often but i guess time really did play a part. i try not to listen to anything that gives a inkling to her so no one would see me cry. we avoid talking about her during gatherings and all.. it doesnt lessen her impact in our lives but it made her passing more bearable in a way. her serene smile still comforts me even though i know i should have attempted to be a better grandchild when i could. i’m glad i plucked the courage to see her at her death bed.

    take things a step at a time. i did and ‘m feeling a whole lot better. turn to ur loved ones if need be. i’m sure u’d have someone who would just sit by you and hand you tissue when u cry. <3

  73. Jay says:

    I’m sure he knows how you feel towards him and understands hey. Life is a learning curve…Learn from this and make sure you don’t make the same mistake again?

    Sometimes we just get so caught up in life and become more and more materialistic that we forget what really matters in life. You just need to balance that hey. Keep counting those flowers and chin up xxxxxxx

  74. Simon Seow says:

    That’s part and parcel of life. Without death, there’s no life, without life, there’s no death. Be strong and go visit your uncle and talk to him while you still can. 😉

  75. Coco says:

    Hey, I’m probably just another person “cheesing” on your blog, and you may never even read this. However, I do understand how you feel and it will get better. The worst deaths for me to deal with were actually a few of my pets. I cared for them, and they were always there for me when friends just couldn’t understand or help me cope with the difficult aspects of life. So, when they left, I felt so empty and lonely. I also immediately thought of all the times I could have payed for attention to them or taken them for granted a lot less. Still to this day, I do miss them, but I just hope they lived and enjoyed their lives a lot better than they would have without me.

    Take care, girly<3

    -Coco

  76. Raymond says:

    Hi gal, you are not alone… be strong. It is not easy for anyone when your loves ones passed away…

    Live life to the full est. This is the best gift you can give to the love ones.

    Take care and God bless.

  77. Ping Ping says:

    Not gonna answer your question on “Why are we created then in the end have to die” cause it’s kinda sensitive and mine will be tied back to religion. Anyways, I had an uncle, who was also like a father figure to me, who always think I’m the smartest, coolest kid (when nobody else bothers to notice me). He passed away 3 years ago, when I was in Form 6. One of my regrets was I did not actually talk to him much after he fall sick because he stay in this super old and scary flats, I get butterflies in my tummy everytime I go. And when he’s very ill, he was admitted to GH which is super creepy to me as well. So I avoid going there. Of course you’ll cry, you’ll feel that you lost someone very important. But do remember that his memories with you stay. 🙂 I never think of my uncle as he’s gone because he lives in me and each time I think of him, I am reminded of the kind things he said, the sweet gestures he made to make me feel like I’m important though my dad left us when we were young.

    It’s ok to cry for someone who died. But I believe at the end of the day, what’s important is not about their birth or their death, but the years they lived. I read this poem, The Dash, which really got me thinking of my life. 🙂

    http://www.katdowney.com/upload/KatDowney/The_Dash_Poem.pdf

  78. Tian Chad says:

    Look at the brightside =S

  79. Kaiyen says:

    Knowing that the person who is so dear to you had left you, this is always a cruel fact. People leave us eventually, someday. But, that is why we always have to learn about how to treasure and appreciate the people, the things around us.

    You are definitely not selfish, as you realise that you have to do something, so that you wont feel that regretful. 😉 That is a big move, and you have made it. Your uncle will not leave you, because the memories and good time together when you are young will always stay with you. Treasure it.

    Idk what to say anymore. but i feel you.

    Remember, this, too, will pass. *huggies* jia you o~

  80. Bella says:

    when my dog died i thot it was worse than any break up ever experienced. as a dog lover, i’m sure you know. it was so darn difficult coming home to an empty basket after seeing your dog of 10 years sick, dehydrated, suferring and not eating…

    im not saying that for humans it’s d same- in fact, it’s worse.

    but you see, i guess that was my ‘preparation’ for when my grandpa died the following year … till now, i cant really talk or think much about him or bring myself to see his urn because i’ll burst into tears. the pain is unfathomable, and i find it hard even to look at his pictures or to imagine moments i wish he were around to be a part in… like when i go on holidays and i stare at the stars or d landscape and wonder if he’s seeing this too…is he a part of it?

    to not see someone ever again, to have the happy memories pour in, to see your grandma cry and say “i will never see him again” …

    every year on his death anniversary i send him a balloon. maybe it sounds corny, but i guess that’s the only way i know how to cope… in my own quiet way of ‘communication’.
    but of course, there’s regret- like why did i join that useless pageant that i wasn’t gonna win anyway and waste time on rehearsals when i could visit him more, talk to him more while he was conscious.

    and the worse part, i had a premonition he wasn’t well and something ‘bad’ was gonna happen. and i was so stressed up about it…the last time he saw me before he was admitted, i was crying and he asked me why but i didn’t know what to say.

    i just hope you can find solace in this… visit ur uncle while he’s around- 😥

    http://www.christabelfernandez.com/2007/09/to-say-goodbye.html#links

    and :

    http://www.christabelfernandez.com/2009/09/you-know-its-been-2-years-but-i-still.html#links

  81. KY says:

    yah everyone die eventually, and it is always a tragic event no matter what, there’s always unfinished business and unsaid sentences and what not..

    JUST GO VISIT HIM

  82. Roy says:

    i got an interesting answer for you if you still need it

  83. comet says:

    hey..give yourself a break,alright ?Take a stroll at the park or something.. It is ok to be scare..this feeling will eventually fade oneday.Just do whatever necessary to make him happy before he leave..

    You have him in your memories 🙂 he never left ,remember that !

  84. Eyanne says:

    The truth is, we all die. Then why do we live? We live to be happy when we’re alive, so that when we die, we can die with no regrets. You can say, why bother, then? But aren’t you truly happy to be alive? To have known life, to have known the people you love, and your dogs? No one can explain death. No one knows what it means to be dead because, well, you’d be dead, you can’t tell anyone. Rather than spend your time trying to understand why people die, cherish your life and LIFE in general when you still have it.

    I don’t understand death, however, I know death. I lost my beloved grandmother to cancer earlier this year, and I nearly lost my own life to cancer three years ago. No matter how difficult it was to see my grandmother weak and unlike her robust loud self, I would not trade that one month of tears and pain and sorrow I have with her. Because amidst all that, there is a lot of love and memories created. At the very end, I was with her, I held her hand when she passed away. And no matter how devastating that was and how I spent two whole months trying to cope, I would not change it for anything. I would not wish I felt better. Because all of this is the link I have with her. The pain, the sorrow, it’s all part of life. We will have to know it. We cannot escape it and we will have to face it.

    When I thought I was going to die, I asked myself whether would I be happy to have died at that point of my life. Answer was no. I have not graduated, I have not truly worked, I have not repaid my debt to my parents and their love, I have not have the opportunity to take care of my parents or to travel to the Lourve. No, I didn’t want to die. But what was my choice if I HAD died? What do I do when I faced cancer? Do I want to cry about it, or laugh about it? Would it change if I cry? Would it change if I give up? It wouldn’t. So what I chose was to plough on, and on and on. In the event if I die, at least I can say, I gave it a damn good fight. I didn’t give up. I never did. Three years into my remission and I am still fighting, every single day of my life. I don’t give up because giving up is not an option.

    Go and see your uncle. You have to. If you don’t, then you’re selfish because you’re thinking about how YOU CAN’T DEAL with it. Think about HIM. He has been kind to you when you’re growing up. He must have meant something to you because you said he’s a father figure. Yet there has been no contact for years, and now at his final moments of life, you simply cannot just bury your head in the sand, and pretend nothing is happening. This is not about you, Cheesie. This is about him, you uncle, and his life. This is what it is about. If you don’t go, you’re giving up on him, and giving up on your memories with him. Maybe giving up is your option, but it was never mine and never will be.

    I’m sorry if I sound harsh. But if you don’t go now, you may spend the rest of your life in regret.

  85. biopolymath says:

    Cheesie, the mysterious force you talked about that created human, by faith, I say it’s God Himself.

    I know all of you fear death, not because of death itself but fear of losing a person to death. I can recall from my Gospels that even Jesus (God the Son himself) grieve over the death of a close friend. Jesus indeed cried!

    But one thing I can reassure is that, God, who is so much greater than anyone else, loves us human beings. In my own words, the passage of John chapter 3 verse 16 says God love the world so much that He gave His [only] Son, so all who believe will not die but live forever. True, all of us will die physically (the first death). But we will be saved from second death (eternal separation from God).

    So folks, don’t we have it already? That is our reassurance. Cheesie, how much have your uncle impacted your life? He has done so much, that’s the reason for you to celebrate.

  86. bubblyvene says:

    while everyone is consoling you…to me…one of the closest friend of yours… i found some hilarious point in your post ~ like you said “you don’;t find people die when half way shopping at liz lisa ‘s website…” i got what you mean but im more glad that you have realized something call ‘life’ from this incident. Sorry about your uncle ~

  87. faith says:

    don’t worry, he’ll always be with you.

  88. kaika says:

    *hugs hugs* My deepest condolences. When one gets into such a dire situation, we get so disoriented we loses all sense of right and left.

    Anyway…hope you’re feeling better alright = Take care . Apologies that I don’t have much nice things to say ._.;

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