Kyaraben

August 19, 2013 in Bon Cheesepetit

After i finally had a chance to dirty my kitchen, a few of you requested recipe to be posted up on blog, so here’s a compilation of the pictures.

Unfortunately no recipe is provided because if you think about it, i am actually completely losing appetite since i started cooking so i think that means the food taste so horrible that you may not want to know what i put in it. Unless if you want to lose weight of course, which is ironic because that means you cook too well and thus don’t need my recipe. Unless of course, you are doing it all for health purpose since home-cooked meals have less crap (figuratively, i hope) and all that, but i’ve been dropping weight with occasional stomach aches so all bets are off the table.

It all makes perfect sense.

So the trick is NOT knowing the recipe, you all. You are welcome.

Anyway, Kyaraben is short for “Kyarakuta- Bento”, which is “Character Bento”, which means you make some shitty plain food look cute by just putting some eyes and noses to it.

A lot of people gave me a lecture for “playing with my food“, but my mom never told me that i cannot play with my food. Then again i guess they just didn’t go through that kind of childhood. I don’t blame them.

Also, i need to create another Cheat One™ category. I never thought i could cheat even with cooking. This world is way too convenient for humans.

 

1. Daisy Garden

Hard boiled egg with lettuce with digital tabasco sauce for people who likes to pretend that they are habanero hero but actually can’t take anything spicy.

 

2. Ambiguous Cereal

This is perfect when you half run out of cereal. You can anyhow add stuff that’s colorful so people cannot make out half the items in the bowl, so the best guess is that you vomitted rainbow, which is kind of sickly awesome.

 

3. Asupa Roll Box 

The tip of this recipe is to completely forget to steam/quick-boil your asparagus so it ends up like chewing on pencils.

 

4. Negimayo pork

Spring onion, mayonnaise and shoyu makes almost anything taste good.

 

5. Anti-joke Chicken: Why did the quail chicks cross the road?

Answer: they don’t. They get eaten, you assholes.

 

6. Not Cheddie’s

 

Not for dogs.

 

7. Pretend-Healthy Noodle

The best thing about technology nowadays is that when you worry about your vegetable intake, you can always throw in some digital broccoli. After that you can Whatsapp the picture to your mom to make her happy. (make sure you break her glasses in advance.)

 

8. I Ate My Dog 

And broke her heart. (in whichever sequence)

 

 9. I Ate My Dog With My Dog

This is a bit like Inception except that you don’t really need to be in your dog’s dream, which makes it better than Inception.

 

10. The Lonesome Quasimodo with an infected swollen pus-filled ear, his only ant friends and a cup of half-drunk tea

I threw some bonito flakes and near-expiry tororo konbu on a lonely night and realized that completely by accident, i met Quasimodo the Notre-Dame Hunchback. I’m pretty sure that’s also how tea leaf fortune telling works, except mine is HD BLU-RAY, y’all.

 

11. The Alpaca Stew

No alpaca was or was not harmed in the process of making this dinner. It’s hard to make promises nowadays.

 

12. Kimchi My Heart

With digital ketchup.

 

 13.Chicken Or Eggplant Came First? 

Heh, food for thought!!

 

 14. Fake The Unagi

When life doesn’t give your Unagi, make Unagi out of pig.

 

 15. Love Mee, Move Mee Not

Shoyu think you can easily make this?

 

16.  When You Run Out Of Buns

You can use mushroom or rice to burger your patties.

 

 17. Avocado-Cheese Puff Girls

Digital Mayonnaise optional.

 

18. Jaundiced Teddies

The salad looks bear so lettuce dress it up a bit.

 

19. Happy Feet

Climbed up and down the mountain for skiing

And then rendam in Onsen

 

 20. Feeling Heartegg

And you can’t really bear to eat it.

 

21. Ah Gua Moon Noodle

To be a woman, shim still has lots to ketchup.

 

Ok that’s all.

Which was your favorite meal?