So we are having a baby! Again!!

(First time here.)

I knew i wanted to have a second one soon after Junya was born. Maybe like 2 minutes after lol. It was like, well, that was a breeze!! (The whole pregnancy and delivery) I can do this again! Like now! Like i have just won a round of Jackpot on a slot machine lolol.

Hahaha. Actually for a few reasons la say real wan.

Firstly, I was super mega ultra lucky to have a relatively smooth (some people even say enviable) pregnancy. I thought, well, second helping, please!!

Secondly, i really never ever, in my pre-Junya life, though that being a mother could be so… happy? All i heard were horror stories about sleeplessless and auntyness and weight gain and yellow-faceness and going-crazyness omg. But… i realized one baby makes me 1000X happier than when i didn’t have one. Huh what if i have two??? Am i gonna feel 2000X happier??

#challengeaccepted.

Thirdly, i am the only child. And i was lonely. The only friends i had was my secret diaries. Junya is going to need a sibling. For sure.

AND FINALLY, I WILL NOT STOP PRODUCING MINI HUMANS UNTIL I GET A GIRL OK YOU GUYS JUST WAIT.

Lolol. Enough reasons ma?

Before writing this post, i re-read my blog post on the first pregnancy announcement, and i realized how different things are, the second time around.

1. Finding Out

I suspected i was pregnant the very day i missed my period. And i was right.

(By the way, Trivia Time. One more reason for you to get pregnant: Your womb will really reset itself. I used to have such torturous period pain but I GET NONE NOW! And my period is was right on the dot. Every time. Pregnancy is awesome.)

Indeed the pregnancy tester was one of the extra ones i stocked up the previous time lol.

I had a peek at the peed pregnancy tester, and thought.

“How. the. hell. did. that. happen.”

(Yea this time around i have learnt that a faint line also means that you are 100% pregnant and not vaguely pregnant lol)

Truth is, i had no idea why but i was desperate for number two when Junya was barely a few months old (I was telling all my mommy friends “LET’S GET PREGNANT AGAIN! TOGETHER!!!” and they all thought i have gone crazy with postnatal hormones). I panicked the moment he lost his newborn smell. I wanted to sniff a newborn again. But i had a C sect, so my gynae said that i must wait at least one year. The best is 15 months if i want a VBAC. Which i did reluctantly.

As soon as 15 months passed, i was like OK LET’S START WORKIN! lolol. It was a totally non-fertile date. Or so i thought. But oh well, bull’s eye first shot. @.@

I’m either a very winnable Pachinko machine or my husband has magic coins lolol.

Or the Hakone Tree planted the baby in my womb.

But truth to be told, i am just so so so so thankful that another baby is gifted to us again without much hurdles. I know there are parents who tried for years without success (and many many many friends around me trying for second one now), i wish everyone gets super lucky and we just be pregnant all together!!!!! Babies are the best! Mommies are the best!!!

2. The Baby Wishing Tree

I can’t share my luck (unless you come and rub my belly and get some pregnancy qi lol) but i can share what brought me luck!!

I have already mentioned it many times before, and it may be pure coincidence, but 3 people i know who touched the Hakone Baby Wishing Tree, got pregnant within 3 months. And they are real people. Not even including myself. Who got my wishes granted. Twice.

I am ever so thankful. When i went back to give my thanks with Junya, i hugged the tree and ask for continuous blessing, and a smooth journey. The tree is ever so generous. I feel like Junya is gifted to me from the tree. Maybe each time a visitor prays for a baby, a leaf will fall, and it will turn into one healthy, cute, awesome baby, in the mother’s belly.

I love you so much, Baby Tree.

3. Morning Sickness

Okay. Even the second time around, not fun.

In fact i am having the exact same symptoms that now i’m quite sure i’m having a boy. Oh well. More babies for me then.

The same thing. The sight… no, even the thought of food makes me pukey. I get angry when i have to think of what to eat for dinner. BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO!!!!

It is impossible to walk near the kitchen without gagging. I am furious if the danna drinks coffee in front of me. Junya’s instant baby food makes me sick. Even typing this out i’m already gaging.

FTS. OK CHANGE TOPIC!!!

Oh, right. I lost weight, again.

(Don’t judge my pedicure. I’m pregnant. #BestExcuseForEverything)

It’s funny that both times i am at the lowest weight of my entire adult life, i was/am pregnant.

At 11 weeks.

4. Cravings

I have cravings this time around. And they were the most random foods ever.

The first thing was this Indonesian keropok (cracker) that’s a little bitter that i ate in Singapore during a buffet. It came with the Nasi Lemak, and i didn’t even particularly find it yummy.

But a week after, it crossed my mind suddenly.

Hey. That cracker. Oh. It would be nice to have one. Like, now. I don’t even know where to buy it. But i want it now. Like, now. Shit i really want it now. NOOOOOW.

I suddenly got very very annoyed that i don’t even know the name of the keropok. I googled. After a few combinations of “bitter” and “keropok”, i found out that it is called Emping Cracker.

Ok fine. Now i know what it is called. Where to buy???? I googled again. I found a shop that sells it in KL but it’s really far from my house. So i texted and email them and asked if they do delivery to my area (the website says it does).

And then they replied the next day (which felt like 10 centuries):

I wanted to kick the wall. I wanted to call Sean and scream at him “I DON’T WANT TO DISCUSS I AM PREGNANT AND I WANT THE DAMN KEROPOK. NOW.”

Lolol. I didn’t la. Then the next day i drove there to buy lo. 🙁

I got it.

Soooooooo happy. For like 5 seconds.

Erm. It wasn’t what i imagined it was like. It tasted slightly old and it had a weird aftertaste.

URGGGGH.

And then a few days later i texted my friend who had been listening to my angry rants on stupid cravings.

Yes i want it T________T. The sticker is exactly how i felt.

Few days later…

The sticker was also exactly how i felt. I wonder how we will ever express ourselves without LINE stickers nowadays.

And then a few days later, after searching high and low for the asam powder…

Pregnancy craving sucks.

5. Emotions

I remember the previous time, i was anxious, worried, but mostly happy. And chilled. Everyone thought i was the most chillax pregger they have ever met.

Having been through it all, i thought that i was gonna cope much better this time around.

No.

I was so stressed, even though there was nothing to be stressed about.

The family hasn’t been feeling very well. First there was the haze which made me i felt like i wanted to mass murder everyone on this planet. I couldn’t help it. I have a one year old toddler, and an unborn baby whose health is gonna be affected by? Guess who? ME.

I tried to think rationally. Ok, so i am breathing poisonous air. But it will only poison me, right? Technically my baby can’t breathe yet, so my body will detox the shit air and turn them into 100% pure oxygen and pump it to my baby’s lungs, right? Right??? Omg body, you are amazing. Thank you, body…

But then the next second i wanted to mass murder people again.

The danna was quite stressed out with work and health, too. And we are about to go through some big lifestyle changes. And i couldn’t really help him out and it stressed me out as a result. And for the most ridiculous reason, that made me so angry. I was so angry at myself about why i can’t be a more caring, loving, understanding wife who supports him through tough times, and just be thankful for what we have?? Why must i be so shitty and selfish and depressed? But at the same time the monster pregger me was like, HEY I AM THE PREGNANT ONE I SHOULD BE GETTING ALL THE CARE!!!! And then i feel very angry again that i am feeling all these contradicting emotions.

And then i told my friend…

6. Second time around…

Truth is, the second time around, nobody cares anymore. (Or at least as much). Including myself. Sad, but true.

I must confess, even up till today, sometimes i forget that i am pregnant.

I remember the first two months i was pregnant with Junya, every single day my head was like an alarm. All i could think about was whether the baby was alive, whether i was doing the right thing for the pregnancy. Whether my baby will develop an allergy to stupid internet people. I had like 15 pregnancy apps and i was obsessed with pregnancy forums and i couldn’t stop googling.

Now?

Huh what’s this… why does this skirt feel so tight??!?!? Oh. I am pregnant. Right.

Yeap.

Most of the time i am so occupied with Junya that it just completely skipped my mind and then i’ll startle myself and be like, holy shit. There’s a human inside me which i have completely forgotten.

I took like maybe 3 belly photos in total. I don’t even know what fruit size the baby is (peach now, i think?). And huh, pregnancy diary? What pregnancy diary. (But ok la at least i made effort to write this pregnancy blog post lol.)

Not to mention i also spend zero time with my unborn baby. I used to talk to fetus-Junya, sang songs to him, did yoga and sent love and good thoughts to him, shopped for customized baby items…

But now i am thinking, hey i have a tangible little human right in front of me demanding my attention, why would i want to spare time for a fetus whom i can’t even feel yet? Priority, dude.

As soon as the thought floated out, i was immediately, completely, guilt-stricken.

Really? Is that what’s gonna happen too when there are TWO of them, live, in front of you? Are you gonna prefer one to another? Are you even capable of loving TWO children at the same time?

I don’t know, guys, because i’m the precious first born, and forever one.

I guess i’ll just have to wait and find out.

Baby #2, i’m sorry you don’t have any well coordinated belly pictures/ nicely decorated ultrasound albums/ letters from mama/secret baby diaries… and probably only hand-me-downs from Junya nii-chan. Unless you are a girl then you’ll probably get a few pink stuff. Well, lucky you.

But just know that mama loves you very much, and all the same, okay?