Didn’t think this post will come did you? Neither did I haha.
2014 July: One Day As a Mom
2016 April: One Day As a Mom of 1.5
But yes I am currently writing this post sitting in a rocking chair with Sakura lying on my chest inside a baby carrier (because she won’t let me sit still), while Junya is asleep extra early (lots of shopping and walking today). So yes it is a long blog post kind of day.
The most asked question of the month:
So, how does having two children feel like?
Honestly, it kinda makes me feel like a snob. I look back at the old me two years ago, I cannot understand how I thought I had no time when I only had one child. ONE. That’s like nothing. Well, not literally nothing, but you get what I mean. I really just want to just give the old me a judgemental stare and say it into her face, “goddamn amateur lolol.”
So guys, this is how you survive a day as a mom living in Singapore, taking care of two children.
One Day as a Mom of Two
You wake up. Or your toddler wakes you up. Funnily enough, I wake up even later than when had less than two kids. Junya doesn’t have school so he is allowed to wake up whenever we want. Awesome.
You change both your toddler and your baby, then make the bed. While the toddler entertains himself with the baby in her rocker, you throw the laundry into the washer and retrieve last night’s aired laundry.
Quick-Magiclean the house in between answering your toddler’s multiple requests (want water, want milk, want play, want something, want feed mama sappuri [supplements]).
Make super CheatOne™ instant breakfast. Hot corn soup today.
Eat breakfast with toddler. Toddler’s breakfast is bread you bought the day before, fruits, vegetable juice, instant corn soup. Your breakfast is usually made of rejected half chewed food your toddler spat out.
If papa is still not out for work, make use of the chance to make lunch in advance, if not both you and the kids are likely gonna get starved.
Cling-wrap lunch and leftover soup for later use and do the dishes. Papa goes to work.
Calm a cranky baby and then put the sleepy baby into her cot.
Time to get to work, you cow. Pump milk to keep for rainy days while your toddler pours out all the toys you cleaned up the night before, and plays enthusiastically just to be bored with all of them 15 mins later.
Pick up a hungry, crying baby while the toddler is demanding “mama play!”. Nurse the baby and play pretend with the toddler. Baby finishes morning snack but refuses to be put down to bed so you strap her to your chest.
Turn on your laptop and reply some urgent work matters before your toddler climbs next to you and demands “I want something.“. But he doesn’t know what kind of “something” he wants. Eventually he decides to help you with replying emails.
Give up work and go tidy up the kitchen instead while toddler flips out the contents of the kitchen drawers and hides his Sylvanian Family members in random containers. And then he opens up the kitchen drainage cover and tries to stuff a soiled diaper into it. You then scotch tape the kitchen drainage opening, realizing that’s how stuff in your house went mysteriously missing.
Toddler gets bored with sabotaging the house and insists that you play puzzle with him instead. Baby is awake too and insists you carry her around.
Heat up pre-made lunch from morning and eat lunch with toddler. Turn your food into cute ass Kyaraben if you are some expert superhuman mothers. If you are just an average mother, simply paste a digital LINE sticker over it and try to cheat your Instagram followers into thinking it is an actual Kyaraben lunch.
If toddler is in self-feeding mood, you get to sit down and eat your own lunch in peace, but you have a huge mess to clean up afterwards. If toddler is in non-self-feeding mood, be ready to fetch random things from all over the house for toddler to play while you feed him his lunch, and stealing a few quick bites yourself.
Baby poos. Toddler entertains his sister while you go fetch the diaper and wet wipes.
Give your toddler Big Brother Lesson 1: Changing diaper for sister.
Get your toddler to watch a couple of videos while you go prepare the baby’s bath.
Remembering how you attempted to take a picture while bathing a baby single-handed and totally dropped your phone into the water two years ago, so this time you be extra careful.
Realize you are a total pro.
Toddler demands a snack (usually he just takes it from the kitchen drawer and asked you to open it -_-). Snack together with toddler and take a break to chill. Reply a few chat messages, then try to convince your toddler to go for a nap without any success.
Baby poops. Toddler fetches the wet wipes and practices what he was taughter earlier. He mistakes baby’s face as buttock and wastes way too many wipes.
Nurse baby. Toddler demands a bottle too and want to snuggle in bed with you. Your heart feels fuzzy and warm.
Toddler plays by himself and finally fell asleep on the sofa. You secretly hopes his nap lasts 10 hours so you can finish all your pending work.
It looks very sweet and peaceful until you look at the bigger picture.
Then you just sigh to yourself.
Once toddler is asleep, switch yourself on TURBO mode.
*Clean up snack crumbs on the couch, floor and your shirt.
*Pick up crying baby so that she doesn’t wake your toddler up.
*Put baby back to sleep and switch on moderately loud music so your sudden house chore noise will not startle her.
*Fold dry laundry and KonMari them back to the wardrobe.
*Picks up crying baby again and decide to just wear your baby for the rest of the chores.
*Edit and upload an Instagram picture.
*Reply 50 emails.
*Spot a play-dead cockroach on the floor and freak out
*Fight a bunch of giant spiders armed with guns that creep out from your wall before you escape a rocket on fire piloted by rotten bananas that comes crashing into your ceiling from the sky.
Do make up, dress up and prepare to go out for party for a wild night out WOOHOOO!
Only to realize that you have a baby strapped to you and the kind of wild party exists only in your distant past.
Takes a selfie nonetheless.
Toddler wakes up all sweaty and grumpy.
Realize you are starving and make yourself a quick snack while entertaining your grumpy toddler. Bribe with his favorite snack if necessary.
Take a wefie and upload it on your social media.
Toddler asks for more snack. You say no. He cries. At this perfect timing your baby wakes up crying. The already moody toddler now wails at max volume. Baby proceeds to cry louder.
You then remember to quickly pick up the goddamn camera and point it at your bawling two kids because you are a goddamn blogger. You then realize how ridiculous that makes you look (imagine if you are out in the public) and you wonder how all those mommy Youtubers do it. Seriously, how?
Carry BOTH your crying children to bed and soothe them. Test your priority judgement skill and question your own sanity.
Board a plane to Bahamas to swim with cute little pink piglets (it’s totally real. Google it.) while sipping overpriced champagne.
Snap out of your day dream and get back to attending your two kids in tears.
Quick-shower your toddler while baby is napping. Chase your toddler all over the house to put on his diaper and new clothes.
Take a deep breath and bring your two kids out alone for the first time. Carry one on your chest, hold another with your left hand and push a stroller with the other hand. You wish you are an octopus right now.
Pretend to be super VIP and request the event organizer to allow you to bring your plus four LOLOL. (One toddler, one baby, one mommy friend who sacrifices precious time with her daughter just to babysit yours, and one more friend just for extra insurance because deep down you are freaking out with handling two kids on your own.)
Eat free pizzas for dinner, totally skipping cooking and washing up at home. Awesome.
Have fun with friends and go home waaay over your toddler’s sleep time. Tuck both kids to bed. Feel like a warrior who just won a battle, but a half-alive one.
Husband is back and finally your turn to shower while he watches over two kids. Take 30 minutes to blow-dry your hair and consider for the 90th time to just snip it off to a bob.
Play with your phone until you forget how late it is.
Prepare your toddler’s breakfast for tomorrow.
Clean up scattered toy (just to have it back into the same state first thing in the morning).
0?:?? (Some point in the middle of the night)
Hear fussing noise which half-wakes you up. Frantically lift your shirt and shove a boob into your baby’s mouth before she goes full on screaming, to prevent waking your toddler who would otherwise turn into a wailing monster. Baby eats and calms down. Congratulate yourself for having avoided a chain-effect cry fest so overwhelming it could possibly shatter the whole house.
Repeats the previous act for a couple more times, (you can’t exactly remember) until you wake or your toddler wakes you up in the morning.
Except that there’s no end to this.
To mothers with two or more children: you guys are goddamn superhumans. To mothers who plan to have more than one kid: THIS, is your future. Muahahahahaha.