Junya turns 2 today!
In last month’s update, I was writing that Junya was going to be a brother in a few days time. Actually he became a brother on that day itself.
On the day Junya turned 23 months old, his sister was born. Which means as he turns two today, his sister is turning 1 month old. It’s like everything is fated.
A lot of readers asked how I am going to do the monthly update now since there are two kids. Actually I didn’t even know I would still continue to do theis, considering how I don’t even have the time to go for a proper shower now, but I would try and love to do so for as long as I can. So I have decided to combine everything in one post. 🙂
(No longer can be referred to “baby” since there’s another baby now haha)
(Also read 1st month , 2nd month , 3rd month , 4th month , 5th month , 6th month , 7th month, 8th month, 9th month , 10th month , 11th month , 12th month , 13th month , 14th month , 15th month , 16th month , 17th month , 18th months , 19th month , 20th month ,21st month and 22nd month and 23rd month here.)
One of the last few moments Junya remained the only child and had all the love from his mother.
I was told that all mother feels the same way just right before they are about to give birth to the second child: they feel incredibly sad. I was sad too. Actually even typing this makes me feel sad and teary. He was all that I loved and I could give my 100% undivided love to him. And everything was about to change forever. Isn’t this crazy? It should be double the joy but I was grieving.
Will I be able to balance my love equally for both children? Can I up my love capacity to 200% so I can still give 100% to each of them?
Junya had not a single clue what was gonna happen. He was happily exploring the hospital ward. I hugged him all I could, assured him that everything was going to be fine and he will be loved just the same, now and forever.
Becoming a brother
And then he became a brother.
Toddler and newborn.
Junya was barely two years old, he had no idea what being a brother is like. He had no idea what a sister is like.
He used to lie on my tummy and kiss “baby Sakura”, and now it has suddenly turned into a real, red-face, shrieking little human…
Most of the time he is neutral and friendly towards baby sister, he does not show zealous excitement nor is he hostile towards her. He is curious and sometimes he would touch, pat and sniff her. But in his heart he must have been confused as hell.
What is happening?! Who is this tiny real doll doing in our house? Why is she sleeping on our bed???
I don’t know how other families can have a two year old toddler who is super loving towards a new baby in the family with zero jealousy.
Although Junya does not/cannot express his feelings out loud, he has changed a lot in his behavior recently, and it is probably how he is handling the stress with the sudden change in our family.
For one, he binges and goes on food strike alternatively.
When baby Sakura was first brought home, he ate and snacked all day long. His favorite is peanut butter banana toast. He asked for peanut butter toast every. single. morning. And afternoon. And evening. And before bed.
And then he refused to eat anything.
It’s damn heart pain so see him emo like this ok. But later we found out that it was because he had mild fever and it made him feel worse.
And then he goes on sleep strike -_-. On most days he doesn’t take naps nowadays and goes to sleep by 6pm or 7pm. But when he does have an afternoon nap, he would stay awake till 11pm T______T.
Some of other strange things he did:
- Tells me “onaka suita. Tamago tabetai .” (I’m hungry. I want to eat egg.), and then goes to the fridge and takes out an egg. Like, raw egg.
- Says “Mama daiki!!” (Mama daisuki = I love mama) every 5 minutes. While it is super sweet, my heart broke a little because he must have been a little insecure inside. And wanted me to assure him that he is still loved. Of course I’d tell him back, “JunJun daisuki!!!” with a lot of exclamation marks.
- One day he told me, “I want put (pillow) belly button!“. I was confused and I then understood that he wanted to put the maternity pillow over his belly. I said, “okay, go ahead!“. And he was like “Mama put.” And then finally I realized that it was because I always put a small pillow (in Chinese it is called 压惊枕) over Sakura’s body to prevent her startling reflex, and he saw it. Ok baby. Such a subtle way to tell me he is jealous lol.
- Wakes up in the middle of the night and demands “I want mama bed!” and wants to be carried to our big bed, while usually he loves being in his own Big Brother bed just next to ours.
He just doesn’t want to be a Big Brother just yet. He wants to be mama’s baby. T___T. Okay, baby. Okay.
Sometimes he does show that he is serious about it, especially when Sakura cries for milk and I have to nurse her.
I was playing with Junya in his play area when Sakura woke up fussing. I looked over. He knew and demanded, “Mama sit. Mama cannot go baby Sakura. Popo (grandmother) go.” Ok, baby, okay. T___T
“This one cannot eat too much.” while looking at me with a serious frown.
“Now. now. NOW.” Oooookay. Somebody’s understood the concept of timing. In a bad way.
“I am so tired.”
“Don’t worry, be sad.”
What can I say?
I am going to sound like I am boasting, but this baby is the best baby ever. Although I’ve only so far produced two. And not so say Junya was not. But…
Sakura hardly ever cries, after she did for the first time ever in her life, freshly whisked out from my stomach to this whole new world. In fact she cries so little it actually makes me worried instead.
The first night in the hospital she did not even make any sound, I had to keep checking if she was still breathing >.<. After she came home, she just slept through and through, so much that I don’t even remember waking up in the middle of the night for feeding. @.@ (She sleeps next to me and I just nurse her in side lying position.)
Sometimes I feed her 11pm before we both go to sleep together, and then the next thing I know it was almost 6am. I probably feed her once some time in the middle of the night, which I totally don’t have any memory of.
So basically I get a whole night sleep without (remembering) waking up. Now I think I don’t care if a baby sleeps through the night or not, as long as the mother does, that’s what really counts as “sleeping through the night” lolol. Either she is a super good model baby, or being a second-time mother just makes you level-up instantly to superhuman.
It sounds like every new mother’s dream, to be able to get more than 2 hours of sleep at one stretch. But it was worrying because, newborns are not supposed to sleep this long! And I was constantly worrying, whether she was nursing enough? Should I wake her up for feeding? But at her 1-month check up her weight gain says fantastic, so I guess it’s all good!
For the entire month all she does was eat and sleep. And I can’t be more thankful and blessed to have such an easy first month.
BUUUUUT part of me was also fearing the worst. Newborns are always the easiest. And they always say the mother has it worst at the 2 or 3 month mark when full blown colic hits.What if… this is the the calm before the storm? *puts on raincoat, armor and shield*
However while she is the sweetest newborn, there was a lot more for me to stress over. The first month had not been as smooth sailing as I thought it would be.
Firstly her jaundice level was high enough for a home phototherapy treatment.
She was born with a few angle kisses (birth marks) on her face. After that she developed a horrible rash that is still going on until now. She also has a lip and tongue tie, on top of a blocked tear duct.
But at the check up the paed said I shouldn’t worry about it much. Junya didn’t have any of these problem. So he was too a perfect baby, but in another way.
Hopefully by the next update everything will be resolved!
One of the biggest questions I had for myself when I was pregnant with Sakura was…
Will I ever love both of them the same?
I didn’t believe a mother could love all the children the same. Surely she secretly favors one over another? I didn’t know. I mean, I would never have known, until I experience it myself. And I was afraid to find out.
What is my answer?
No. I don’t love them the same.
When I look at Sakura, my heart aches because she is so fragile, she cannot express herself in any way other than a tiny voice accompanied by a quivering chin and frantic flailing arms. I want to protect her with all my love. I want to give her everything so she feels secured and cared for.
And then I look at Junya. Sometimes it is easy to adore your angelic peaceful newborn more when your toddler is being a gremlin. But I see it as his way to win my love, to let me know that he cares and he needs to be cared for. And toddlers can talk, sometimes the funniest and most adorable thing ever. And the moment he tells you “Mama dai(su)ki”, you just want to plant kisses all over and give all 100% of your heart to him.
And when I look at the both of them…
I just melt away in heaven.
So yes, I do love them all the same. 🙂