Junya turns 2 years 8 months today, and Sakura is 9 months old now.
I think they are looking more and more alike in pictures!
Here’s the regular monthly update!
(Also read Junya’s 1st month , 2nd month , 3rd month , 4th month , 5th month , 6th month , 7th month, 8th month, 9th month , 10th month , 11th month , 12th month , 13th month , 14th month , 15th month , 16th month , 17th month , 18th months , 19th month , 20th month ,21st month , 22nd month , 23rd month , 24th month , 25th month , 26th month , 27th month , 28th month , 29th month , 30th month and 31st month here.)
This month I felt like Junya has grown a few years older @.@. Suddenly he talks like an adult (well, at least a childish adult haha). Maybe he picked up all sorts of “funny pattern” from school haha. But every kid behaves very differently once they start schooling so I guess it is inevitable.
He is a lot more challenging emotionally now, but I think that is because he started to understand human behaviors more and more now. He can read someone’s mood and personality, and will react accordingly for things to be in his favor.
School has been going very well. He got completely used to it and I think he is ok with it. Not sure if he enjoys it but he is definitely not against it, because every day I ask if he wants to go to school tomorrow, he says yes.
This was the last day Junya held his bottle (or so I hope haha).
I weaned him a few times off the bottle for a short period of time before but eventually gave up because to him, no bottle = no milk. I couldn’t remember how many cups of milk I wasted because he found drinking milk from a cup taste less… milky? I dunno. He would take a few small sips and then gave me this disgusted face -_-.
Anyway he was accidentally weaned when we lost his bottle in Australia (we eventually found it, but I decided to just trash it). No bottle ma, no choice lo. Too bad. Haha. Now he is addicted to drinking is Breaka Strawberry Milk from a cup.
So yeap, mommies, the winning move is to just simply throw away your child’s pacifier/binky/milk bottles.
This is a long story (written for my own reference!). If you are likely to TL;DR, feel free to skip to next point.
We are still holidaying in Australia now, and last week there was an incident that made me reflect a lot on my own parenting style. Have I been letting my own emotions get the better of me? Am I setting a bad example for my own children? Will they grow up to hate me?
It all started with Junya throwing a tantrum in our hotel living room. Literally. He flung his Tomica hard on the floor in anger. It wasn’t the first time happening, and I thought it was time he really needs to learn his lesson, so I picked the toy ambulance up, and placed it away on the top shelf where he cannot reach. And I told him no more Tomica for today because he was not kind to his toys. And then he exploded and cried. Which was normal. He said “I dowan mama.” Which was also normal. (In fact it is so normal that he even made up a song about it. It goes, “I dowan mama, I dowan mama. ♪Dowan dowan! ♫“)
So I said okay, and I went away.
He burst into tears and did not stop for the next 5 minutes. When I went back to him, his tantrum only got more escalated. Wailing at full blast, he said, “I dowan mama. Mama go away.” while signalling me to leave.
I replied “Okay, I go away, then you cry alone, okay?” and stomped straight out of the room. As expected, he cried even louder.
After 5 minutes I went back to him again thinking I could talk to him more calmly, only to see him all teary yelling “mama go away!” So I did, again.
And this cycle repeated about 5 times. Him asking me to go away and me going away to his madder screams. I kept waiting for him to calm down (which he usually does after a while), so we both could talk nicely, but he did not. It was a bad day for the both of us.
It went on for like half an hour, both of us physically tired and mentally drained. I went back to him and this time he roared, “mama go outside with Sakura!!!“, pointing at the balcony.
“And then?” I asked.
“And then Junya cry… ALONE!!!”
He said that. I mean shrieked.
And it felt like someone just stabbed my heart with a fork. I can’t express the real tones in words. But the way he said it, along with gestures and a gravely saddened expression, it felt like his heart was broken. By me.
And then I burst into tears omg. It sounds very lame but I did, because I was overwhelmed with so much emotions. I don’t know why but suddenly I could relate to him. And suddenly I saw him an adult. Suddenly I saw myself in him.
Seeing me in tears he got a shock and he yelled “Stop. STOP! mama stop!!” in panic. Because that’s what I always say when he cries lol.
For the first time I felt that he was truly upset. I hurt my 2 year old son with my words. What have I done? Reflecting back, indeed sometimes I say stuff with a threatening tone, but I thought it’s pretty normal every parents say things like “If you don’t (do this or that) then we cannot go/you stay alone. Bye bye.”
It hurt me so much and all I wanted was to give him a hug. But he pushed me away and said “mama wait outside! (the balcony)”. I did, thinking to give him time to calm down but he did not. He kept sobbing while saying “I am tired already…” (it was 3 hours past his nap time!!) and yet did not allow me to go in so he kept blabbering in a stifled voice and I really had no idea what he was saying.
In the end I made out what he was saying. He said, “mama say sorry first“. (Honestly where did he learn that from?! We have never used that phrase omg.)
I told him sorry that I made him feel upset, and his face immediately softened and he said “Nakanaori.” (In Japanese means making up/reconciling). I stretched my hand out, he shook mine and I hugged him.
He said, “sorry mama.”
My son. Just like me. Stubborn as hell. And then I realized how both of us had too much pride to apologize when we hurt each other. And all we needed was a sorry and a hug. In the end I got him to apologize and “nakanaori” with his Tomica too.
After that incident, he still say things like “I dowan mama. Mama go away. I dowan papa. Papa go to work.” on a daily basis.
Yesterday he was lying on the bed almost asleep, and he pushed Sakura who was next to him out of annoyance. Before I could even say anything he yelled (with his eyes still closed) “I dowan mama. I rough. I go outside. I dowan to be good boy. I rough and I go outside. I cry alone.” before he promptly fell asleep.
And all these while I thought I was relatively loose with disciplining compared to parents who give time-out or other punishments. But now I really learn that most of the things our kids say come from their own parents. And some things that I say stuck with him. Nice things. Not to nice things. Things that hurt which we did not realize. Things like, “I don’t like this. If you are rough, you go outside.” It was maybe harmless to me, but to him, it was hurtful. And it stay with them.
And it got me thinking, was it really necessary to say things like that? What is the alternative? Was there a better way to say it? How does one always remain calm and loving?
Other things that he says:
Junya: Mama tell Sakuchan don’t take take my things.
Junya: Mama! Mama tell Junjun secret.
Mama: *whispers a secret*
Mama: Huh but if papa and Sakura can hear then it is not a secret anymore.
Sakura turns 9 months old today!!
This month’s theme is summer beach in Australia! This picture is taken here in Gold Coast and I have used up everything we could find in our luggage haha.
Read Sakura’s 1st month, 2nd month , 3rd month , 4th month , 5th month , 6th month , 7th month and 8th month here.
The happiest thing is month is that Sakura now can understand bye bye!!! Say bye bye to her and she would wave like those plastic traffic police dummy you see at roadworks lolol.
Oh oh she also can stand steadily (holding on to something)!! But cannot pull to standing yet although she is trying very hard to 😛
Solid food wasn’t going very well 🙁
Especially now that we are on holiday I was feeding her instant baby food almost all the time, I guess eh got bored of it. She won’t even open her mouth the moment she sees the spoon with gooey food.
Buuuuuut she loves table food. Every time we adults (and oniichan) eats, she would stare at us in a way that says “how come I don’t get any?!?” hahaha. So yea I end up giving her our roast chicken, bread, sips of juices, our fav Queensland yogurt, etc… She loves it. I guess she just refuse to be a baby anymore. She wants to join the dining table fun.
We carried a real koala the other day at Currumbin Santuary and I was like, why bother, I already have one lolol.
Seriously my back is hurting like mad even with regular Chiropractic visits and now my arms are also sore like dunno what. T_T
Ok… fine. Hahaha.
Sakura has 3 teeth now!!! Well, 2.5 haha. Her top front teeth are sprouting!
And training her to brush now, because we had such a painful time getting Junya to not hate brush time.
And erm, the terrible teeth grinding is happening -_-. Her brother did it at 11 months since his teeth grew slower. Just… omg stop.
Everybody was asking me like, what’s your secret to lose weight?!什么产后瘦身秘诀？How you did it? What do you eat? What work out you do? etc etc etc.
This is my work out lo.
Really one, not I selfish don’t want to share, but it is really… nothing. Well it is not nothing, the secret is simply… to have two very young kids. Haha.
“But I also have two kids!!!!!!!!”
Okokok. Maybe your husband and in-laws treat you too well liao lolol. Ask them to leave you alone with ALL house work and errands and cooking and parenting.
Then you will become like this.
But really one, I am losing weight to the point it is a little gross. I am trying very hard to gain back some weight to look borderline healthy now ok.
Ya ya ya. I levelled up again. I never thought I would ever want to do this in my life, but I did. Reluctantly.
Cuz I always show off how I #pokeMOMgo leveling up right? So the universe is like, ok as you wish. Nah, give you brand new level to clear. So I was given a task to fly with two kids alone. HAHAHAH I love it.
Not really. I completely freaked out but it was a very very very important flight to settle some urgent matters.
I apologize to the Malaysian sitting next to us. And also probably the rest of the passenger on the same flight that day. It was your unlucky day.
Erm, level cleared. Next!!!
Hi Cheesie. I’ve been a silent reader for a long time but just want to say that this post (esp the tldr Tomica Story) was insightful and touching…a good reminder that words have power to affect pple no matter how young/old they are. Ty for that. Ganbatte 🙂
Thank you for your comment :))
Every time I read your posts and see your pics… I can’t believe you’re a mama of two kids! You look so young Cheesie! Stay healthy with your sweet, sweet family!
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
Haha nooooo it’s just filters!
I love these updates now I am a mommy myself. Truely I look forward to it every month lol.Thanks for doing this.
Thank you for reading :))
Its true ok! Lol. I had to drink milk from a bottle till 6. I thought it was disgusting from a cup. I still cant drink milk now except with cereal lol
Omg you have too many weird quirks la. It’s you. HAHAHA
I really really love when you write about parenting matters.
I admire your parenting style and i learned so much from you. Thank you very much.
Such as, today when both my kids fighting for a toy, i learned from you – i asked the elder one to bring new toy for the 2nd one and it works!
I am truly grateful to be able to learn this. Thank you for sharing!
Wish you always can keep calm and able to manage both kids 🙂 cheers to pokemom!
Thank you so much, and I am so glad to hear that you pick up some tips on this blog. I myself are still learning, so I’m also not sure what I do is right or wrong for my children. But it’s okay cuz we all learn, and from each others :))
I like reading your TL;DR section. I really love all your updates about parenting.
I am not a mom yet, but it gives a really good insight on how parenting would be like; and at the same time allows me to appreciate all the troubles I probably put my mom through when I was a kid.
Thanks for writing!
Really? It always amazes me when non-mommies tell me that they enjoy reading my parenting posts. Before I had kids I could not relate to parenting matters at all, so that is a surprise for me. 🙂
I personally can relate, because I have come to notice the pattern of my own insecurities with regards to how I was brought up. For a good part of my teenage and young adulthood, I found myself being haunted by my mom’s words like “if you are not more (insert whatever word here), no one will want you”, that she consistently used on me as I was growing up. Everytime I undergo rejections, these words truly made me feel worthless!
And then I spent a good amount of time holding a grudge towards my mom for contributing to my insecurity… But after hearing and reading stories like yours, it made me appreciate my mom more, because parenting is really hard, and I know there are more good qualities that she passed down onto me 🙂
I love this post Cheesie, thank you for sharing about your experience with Junya. It’s very sweet and there are many things we can all learn from it. You are a great mom and both your babies are lucky to have you 🙂
Thank you so much 🙂
hey there, just want to share that i am experiencing the same thing. My son is just born 1 day apart from junjun, haha same year and same month…i think they are going through this phase, dont want mama dont want papa and i will ask him sometimes, are you sure? then sometimes also will get angry and say if you dont want me i walk away, but they will cry and cry and i feel really bad after that. I guess they are starting now slowly starting to come to terms and learn about “true feelings”, so we need to be there for them, sometimes easier said than done when they are really really stubborn haha…..jia you together!
Thank you so much! Wow, is it 10th or 12th? 🙂 Yes hor I really never expected little kids can be sooooo stubborn haha. Now I got used to it liao. He says “i dowan mama mama go out and I cry alone.” casually allll the time. It doesn’t even mean much anymore cuz he says it like just say shuang only lol.
I thoroughly enjoyed that Tomica story even though I’m just a university student haha. But i guess the emotions are so real and raw that anyone could feel the weight of rejection and insecurity etc. A good reminder to how the littlest things we do can affect others and how words DO weigh heavier than we think. All the best 🙂
Thank you so much 🙂 Yes, and it’s not just for children, but the people around us too.
Hey Cheesie, this is super random and regarding the tomica incident. You’re totally not asking for advice, so, sorry if i piss you off with this! I understand where you’re coming from and how exhausting being a parent can be. (I have an 8 year old daughter and 4 month old twin girls, i feel you!) Instead of telling Junya what you don’t like and the consequence of showing behaviour you don’t like (ie: go outside, be excluded, remove yourself from the group), explain why playing calmly is important (because Sakura is still a toddler and much younger than he is) and that if he can’t play calmly, Sakura would get hurt so could he please understand? And maybe hear him out. If he refuses and gives a reason, then respect that reason (even if it’s ridiculous) and just say, ok, that’s fine then, but please play apart from Sakura, because Mama would be sad if either of you got hurt. (Apart but in the same room, so he remains included.)
I live in the netherlands (but singaporean) and maybe i’m a bit ‘westernised’ in terms of raising my children but i’ve realised showing respect towards my children helps them understand that their feelings are valid and their views are respected. Not that because i’m their mom, therefore i’m always right and my opinions and feelings outweigh theirs. i hope that makes sense..! I enjoy reading your parenting posts. Parenting is a 24/7, eternally on-call, and super time/energy consuming job, so don’t be too hard on yourself when things are tough. 🙂
Hi Joan, thanks so much for the advice!! Yes actually I do that every time and practice the empathy method by helping them to “express their feelings”. Like, “I see that you are upset/it makes you sad when….” etc. But it doesn’t work all the time. T__T So I had to have plan BCDEF lol. How did you deal with this when your eldest child was this age and wasn’t really able to reason yet? Thanks again! 🙂
Actually… My eldest, Anne, has a speech delay so she couldn’t reason for a very long time. If she showed behaviour i didn’t like, i would ask her to please stop or mama would get angry and put you in time out. If i put her in time out (and i would, quite a bit) it was never in another room. In the same room, in a corner. I’d just have her sit there and bawl her lungs out either with a timer on for 5 minutes or till she was done or i had calmed down. Hugs and apologies would follow, and if i exploded from anger… i would also say sorry about that. I’d also tell her if being in time out wasn’t nice, please don’t do it again. Till today if i got angry or i got frustrated, i would explain to her why when i was calm again. It’s helped a lot. Random. I noticed she responded super well to time or a timer. Say “in x mins x happens”, and you put a timer on your phone or a kitchen timer on. It was as though discipline rested on a “higher power”, not on a person and it made it more acceptable.
Junya is at an age where he’s testing his boundaries (and in relation to that, you, because you set them) so it’s … definitely a tough time, but it will pay off! Even if he says hurtful things, he loves you. 🙂 Sorry for the long rant, i hope i somewhat answered your question!
Thanks so much for your reply! Ah, the timer sounds like a good idea. Yea it sounds like it gives them a 台 to 下 haha. I will try it out next time! Thank you so much for taking time to reply me 🙂
Happy to hopefully been of help, Cheesie! Parenting is tough shit and i think as parents we just gotta stick together, have an open mind, share our stories, and learn from each other. 🙂 Jia you!!
Hi cheesie, I’m wondering where do you pick up the style of parenting, through books or trial and error. Thanks you.
I do read some books, forums, articles, etc, and adapt to find what suits my family the best! 🙂
Hi Cheesie, this post is like a godsend to me at this point of time. I actually teared a bit when I read about the tomcat incident and you feeling so heartbroken you teared (partly bcoz i’m a hormonal pregger now lol) My girl is exactly 32mths now and going to be promoted to be a jiejie when she turns 3. She has been impossibly clingy and cranky and meltdown can happen few times a day. Like you, I too thought that I have been quite liberal and non-disciplinary in my parenting style, adopting the more respectful parenting approach. But when I read your encounter it dawns on me that she probably feels the same hurt from my remarks even if I don’t say it like I’m angry. She pick it right up when there’s a change in my tone of voice, change in my facial expression. Recently i caught her chiding her baby doll.. in the exact same words I chide her when I couldn’t take it and it got me really upset with myself. And I wonder if it adds on to her insecurity now that #2 is coming along. This toddlerhood is tough-shit lol…