Because the previous post was a Cheat One™.
Hi. I’m back.
Here’s the account of @cheesiepetit in the past month. I finally had some
time sanity to sit down and pen my thoughts.
Disneyland debut for Sakura.
1st month , 2nd month , 3rd month , 4th month , 5th month , 6th month , 7th month, 8th month, 9th month , 10th month , 11th month , 12th month , 13th month , 14th month , 15th month , 16th month , 17th month , 18th months , 19th month , 20th month ,21st month , 22nd month , 23rd month , 24th month , 25th month , 26th month , 27th month , 28th month , 29th month , 30th month , 31st month , 32nd month , 33rd month , 34th month , 35th month , 36th month , 37th month , 38th month , 39th month , 40th month , 41st month , 42nd month , 43rd month , 44th month , 45th month and 46th month here.
We spent 3 weeks in Japan and suddenly his first language became Japanese. It’s really very cute because whenever he doesn’t know a word he replaces it with English.
“Mama watashi no leg wa ira ira suru” (My leg is irritated (?))
“Mama kore ii nioi kara smell shite!” (It’s a nice scent please smell it!)
Chatterbox before sleep
He can’t stop talking right before he sleeps. He’d lay in his bed and be yapping and yapping and yapping about his fantasy complete with exaggerated hand gestures (“then the truck came down and just swooosh!!! like this fall on the shinkansen, and the shinkansen move up here, and everybody go down to the staircase and BOOM! and MELT the lion, so the blue color light is blinking and I close it and then….”) and I was just like oooooh, wow…. uh huh… and he doesn’t care he just kept talking until he is soooo tired and doze off. Haha.
Patissier , cleaner, architect, rocket scientist…
He is so many things. Sometimes all at once.
Cereal chemist. Experimenting with his newly hired cluless intern. Mix and match to see what will explode and what will not. (In most cases mama’s temper will.)
Engineer. He designed this “Kabocha Basha” (Pumpkin Horse Carriage). I am assuming that his cluless intern has been promoted to be his princess.
Fireworks scientist. He said this is the firework station where hanabi is about to launch. Made with a tripod, Magiclean mop, a plastic rose and a broken snorkel gear. I am assuming the Meiji milk stick is the gun powder to fuel the fireworks. Also the canned fish are… I dunno, explosives, I guess. There are just a lot of bombing going on in this house. I’m not allowed to meddle with it because it is very dangerous apparently.
Today he’s just a… terrorist.
It’s one of those day I felt like saying to my captor – “don’t torture me anymore. Just… shoot me.”
Then I made him my slave.
I try to practice a reflection time when I tuck him to bed. For me, for him. Usually when I had scolded him or became unreasonably angry, I try to make it up to him by ending the day positively.
We talk about the things that happened that day, what he did good, what he did not so good, and I thank him for all the things he did good. Thank you for being a good boy at dinner today, thanks for cleaning up the toys just now… etc.
But to my surprise, he does not accept all of them. I’m not sure if it’s in his Japanese genes to have this compulsory self-deprecation. When I praise him and thank him, he’d think about it for awhile, and then very factually reply, “No no mama, you don’t say thank you because today I spilled the cereal and I didn’t clean up. That’s why you don’t say thank you.” (And then I’ll have to explain to him “yea you didn’t clean up the cereal but you helped put the tomica back into the box. So I still have to thank you for that.)
My baby Sakura turned 2.
2 years old!!!
Read Sakura’s 1st month, 2nd month , 3rd month , 4th month , 5th month , 6th month , 7th month , 8th month , 9th month , 10th month , 11th month , 12th month , 13th month , 14th month , 15th month , 16th month , 17th month , 18th month , 19th month , 20th month , 21st month , 22nd month and 23rd month here.
She’s a little care bear. I feel that she can understand a lot of complicated emotions now, and she shows that she cares.
Where papa? She asks me everyday after the danna goes to work.
Mama itai? (painful?) She asks me when she sees a scratch or wound on my body.
Sorry mama. Sometimes even when I’m just quiet and looking a little not too happy, she volunteers to say sorry, even though it could be her brother who made me upset.
On the flip side, she could also be a mini devil when she’s unhappy. She splurts DOWAN MAMA!! in a sulky tone alllllllll the time, whenever things don’t go the way she wants.
(dowan nii nii)
When Junya doesn’t let her play with something, she grouches, DOH-WAN Nii Nii. And then when I try to explain to her aiding her brother (cuz she’s the one being unreasonable), she’d turn to me, DOH-WAN mama oso.
This one confirm is pick up from her brother. Haih.
But she changes mood much faster than her brother, so after a few minutes she’d come to me herself and be like “sorry mama. Don’t say dowan mama okeh?”
She started talking sooooo much but sometimes I have no freaking idea what she’s talking about. And I can’t just simply 敷衍了事 just brush her off saying “ooooh I see!” She won’t buy it. She will insist that I repeat what she says to make sure I understand EXACTLY what she said.
“Hmm? (what?!) Oh I see. Yea!”
“AH. AH. AH.”
“Oh. Bird. Crow.”
“Mama. Teeta tetet.”
“Ok ok ok. Take off jacket.”
She now learned how to abuse the word “abunai” (“dangerous” in Japanese).
Place her on her high chair, she screams ABUNAAAAI! So that I will carry her onto my lap to eat.
Place her on the edge of bed she yells ABUNAAAAI! So I will hold her and change her clothes.
Place her on any general platform of a certain height and she’d be like ABUNAAAIIII! so that I will have to continue to carry her.🙄🙄🙄
Mama? Mama. Mama?
It’s horrible. I think I’ll just give up weaning forever until she ownself feel shy or something. She’s back to waking up multiple times a night. I write in this blog on this topic until I sian.
She doesn’t even cry anymore, she just crawls next to me, and keeps calling, “Mama. Mama? Mama!!” until I lift my shirt to reveal my oppai T___T.
Sometimes during day time when she wants to nurse, she even dare to be shy!! And will just look at me wide-eyed and whine “hmmmmm~~~”. I pretend not knowing what she wants then she’ll be a bit louder “HMMMM~~~!”. It keeps on going until I give up and ask her, “oppai?” and she gives the biggest smile, “yesh.”
(Oh but still there’s something awesome about it!! Being addicted to oppai makes it almost impossible for her to be angry at me for a long time. Every time she says “DOHWAN MAMA”, and I’ll be like, “you mean you don’t want oppai?” then immediately her face changes and softens down, and there she goes, “sorry mama.😞”. Yeap. I still hold absolute power as long as there’s oppai.)
A couple of weeks ago Junya had an accident. It was completely my fault. Sakura had had fever for days and I was major stressed and was already moody. We were fighting because I insisted that he can only eat snack after proper dinner. He was very upset and tried to snatch the snack from me, I resisted, and by the force of pulling he slipped and fell of the chair and knocked his mouth onto the metal part of the trampoline and before I knew it he was crying with blood all over his mouth and I was crying because I panicked not knowing what to do AND BECAUSE I HURT HIM. IT WAS MY FAULT.
He fractured his front tooth. Both of us were in shock. The feverish, wailing Sakura became super quiet because she was shocked too seeing our reactions. Everyone was in shock.
The danna rushed back and calmly brought all of us to the dentist to have him checked. He is ok now. It’s lucky that it was just his milk tooth which will drop in a couple of years time anyway.
But I repented. I spent days and days repenting what I had been feeling and unknowingly doing to all my family members. I was angry, moody, irritable and stressed out the whole time. I didn’t realized how much negative energy I have been spreading to everyone in the house.
For many months now I had been quite cold and impatient especially with Junya. At almost 4 I expected him to behave more civilized and less drive-me-up-the-wall. I kept my distance because I knew that I was like a time bomb that could explode any time at the littlest things that tick me off.
At the dentist I couldn’t stop crying not because I was worried, but I was shocked at how unbelievably brave he was. The dentist asked him to open mouth, he opened. Dentist touched his wound, he just laid there quietly. Dentist asked him to gargle to disinfect, he did it so obediently. Although I know it must have hurt A LOT. Dentist took X ray to check his teeth bone, he was alone in the X-ray room without a sound. Even I cannot imagine myself being this brave. And he is not even 4 yet. How dared I expect so much of him?
I repented. Greatly.
And then I realized how much a good boy he has been. At the dentist, in school. I just didn’t understand why the moment he comes home he’s a completely different person. This wild, uncontrollable mini terrorist. But now I know. It is because kids do have stress too. They are forced to do what they are told by many many different adults. They are trying their best to be their best self outside. They have to do things that they don’t like, just because they are told to. They have to be brave. They have to be strong. They have to put up with lots of things that they don’t understand. And when they finally come home to familiar faces, they just want to manja a little. Release a little. Be a little wilder. Act a little more willful. Have a little more love from us parents. And I had been depriving him of his little indulgence. I didn’t give him love. Everyone needs to de-stress, right? Outside stress, come home also stress, anyone will go crazy, right?
I was so ashamed of myself. I remember when I gave birth, all I prayed was that he was born a healthy baby. 4 years later, suddenly I have so many extra expectations. Must be obedient. Must have good manners. Must learn to clean up toys. Must eat vegetables. Must this must that…
Whatever happened to “just wish he is healthy”? If I’m god, I will just tell this greedy mommy off to stop expecting so much. Your son is already healthy. Whatever is more, are bonuses.
I will atone my sin. Less anger, more patience, more love.
Last week I mentally collapsed. Lots of things happened, I couldn’t eat or sleep and I was 37KG. The lowest since secondary school.
I didn’t celebrate mother’s day because I forgot about it. I sometimes do wonder why I had kids. I hated kids before I had any. It’s a lot of work. It makes you lose sleep, lose weight, lose focus on work, lose all the happy things you used to love and enjoy when you were childless, lose sanity, and worst, lose yourself.
Having kids also put a tremendous test on your marriage. Now you have to work on both your kids and your marriage. Sometimes you just want to pack your bags and just disappear for a few days because F it you’re done with all these mothering bullshit so you don’t F care anymore BUT YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU ARE A MOTHER AND YOU CAN’T JUST DUMP YOUR CHILDREN AT HOME AND F CARE ABOUT THEM.
I think this is the shittiest part of motherhood. It’s not the cooking, changing, bathing, coaxing, threatening, paying attention when you just want to black out, cleaning up spilled cereals cookie crumbs hot soup sandwich bits and vomit that is daunting. It is that you have nowhere to escape to or fall back on when you are about to collapse. When you feel like shit, you can’t really be really feeling like shit because you still have to care for other people and pretend that you’re not feeling like shit. That’s the WORST.
I wanted to just really allow myself to truely feel like shit for once without caring about other people’s assorted shit anymore. So I hurled myself at that oncoming speed train. I jumped right down.
(Luckily only in my mind.)
And then I mentally blacked out for days. Some of me is still broken, to be honest. Lots of things needs to be fixed inside. You can’t heal from a mental train wreck in days.
I don’t have a solution to this, and I don’t think I ever will. But one step at a time, even though it looks to me like a fkcing Batu Caves staircase. To exercise your heart. Make it tougher every day. Give it some serious muscle.
To try again the next day. Because you are a mother.
Oh Cheesie, I hope you’re okay! Please don’t ever blame yourself. Mistakes happen and you’re a great mama from everything I’ve read. Your kids are so smart and loving – thanks to you! 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
Thank you Charmaine, for always being here 🙂
Hi I am a mommy who follows your blog. My daughter and son are about the same age as yours.
What you shared is exactly what I have been going through.
You are not alone, mama!
Thank you CK. It really helps to hear that, that you are not alone. T___T
I hope that whatever is bothering you at the moment will pass soon. You are a wonderful mummy. I remember when my kids were their age i felt the exact same way you felt. There were days where i felt my life was lived for everyone else except myself. But things will get better as they grow up a little bit more. I promise. But for now, press on.
Thank you… I am hopeful too! I always wish for the day to come, the day I can feel free again. But I know that when the day comes, I’m gonna miss this moment so, so much instead. :’)
I am a mother of 2, homemaker as well. I know the torment of balancing love and affection between yourself, 2 kids and a (sometimes clueless) husband. When u wanna run away but then LL have to to stay for the sake of ur kids. But no matter what, remember to love yourself first; because you can’t pour from an empty cup. Take long bath/shower after a long day, get urself some indulgent lotion, a 2 hour massage, nice breakfast. Whatever it takes, spare urself some love everyday, it can be short but it is a must. Hope u feel better soon ! P
Thank you so much. Your words have become my new motto – Love Myself First. I’m going to do that LOTS AND LOTS. Thank you Riri. I’m feeling better already :))
It takes a village to raise a child… now you have two and without helper… salute you… you need to build a strong support system to keep your sanity… gambateh💪🏻💪🏻
Thank you Yann 🙂
Reading your blog here is like seeing my life now too. My first is a boy and second a girl and sometimes I feel that their age is too close and all they do is fight, throw things all over the floor, become the clingiest koala bear. Sometimes I only get to take a break at the toilet and that’s the only quiet time I have before them shouting and banging for the door to open again. Not until I become a mom then I realised how easy for a mom to become so exhausted that they go into depression. The freedom you used to have seem like is gone forever, you don’t remember when was the last time you treat yourself well, most of the time you doze off while putting them to sleep with a mountain of clothes not folded yet and toys all over the floor. Welcome to my life! There was a time I fell sick, a bad fever after my baby girl recovered from fever. And I don’t know why I just fell into this deep and dark place, I just couldn’t function normally, my body is reluctant to get up and do anything, my heart just tired and I barely eat anything too, that week everyone in my house lose weight coz I didn’t cook for them lol. I know something is not right until my husband ask me if we need to see a doctor, a counsellor or psychiatric. Luckily this didnt happen for a long time, only about a week, thank god I am back again to the war zone, everyday. Glad to know that we are not alone 🙂 jia you!
Yes… T__T I could totally relate. And in fact after reading all the comments, I believe many many many of us could relate. It indeed is relieving to know that we are not alone. 🙂 Jia you together!!
It’s ok to take a break and break down, it’s nice to cry your heart out too ..you are stressed and need love and manja too, don’t be too hard on yourself. Hugs and lots of love!!!
Thank you Ming. I did and I do feel better now! Thank you so much for your kind support :))
Hi Cheesie. You are doing great, and thank you so much for opening up to us. I know you are very private about your marriage, but I worry about you, like you were my friend. So many days all I had was your blog posts to cheer me up. So I would like to know how you and the danna work on this matters? Does he care for you when you are fragile like this? Again, I’m sorry to ask, it’s none of my business but it comes from a place of love. It’s ok if you are not comfortable answering. I hope you are feeling better.
Thank you so much. No please don’t feel bad or apologize, I really appreciate your care for me, especially since I’m not even someone you know personally! I used to hide a lot of stress from him because I don’t want to bother him further with my own problems, but I realized that it really helps a lot to open up and he is willing to listen, and I’m very thankful for that.
Sorry to hear that these few months have been rough for you! Hope it gets better eventually. Happy for you that Junya is such a thoughtful and brave boy though. Jiayou!
Thank you Nick. Yes he really is T__T. Thank you :))
It’s so difficult to date someone of a different culture let alone building a family and raising kids together with. There’s really just so much to give and take. Probably a lot more of give as the lady in the household, given the Japanese environment. There were so many times where I really felt just like F it and leave everything behind too. But the very sane Japanese counterpart always talk sense into me . sometimes can’t understand how they can be so logical n rational tt makes u feel even more DL n hope they can be a little emotional at
times but nope never happening. Jiayou Cheesie u have come so far, think of all the good and you’ll get by!!!
I know what you mean. After seeing your comment I too wonder if it’s in their DNA to be so unbelievably rational about things like this. Most of the time I mistake this cool-headedness and ability to reason logically as coldness, but I know that’s not true. They truly care, just not in the way that we are used to in our own culture.
Omg yes exactly. I struggled so much in the beginning because of this and even googled to “study” if it’s normal 🤭 it’s like you have to put everyone and everything else before yourself n bottle up all your emotions. You just get tired of it.
Years on, I too start to realize actually they are super heartful. And that they r really listening and will try to adapt, but they don’t wanna show it too much too openly? 🤔
But sometimes you know you just need some comfort when you’re down instead of engaging in a logical debate 😪
Always in this weird dilemma when u lose it.
Thank you for sharing Cheesie you’re really doing great hang in there ☺️
Exactly right. Sometimes a hug can do SO MUCH more than a life lecture. 😂
I can TOTALLY understand how u feel bcos I’m exactly like u.. I have a 4 yo boy and a q 1yo girl.. my temper has been really bad ever since I have my second baby.. bcos my older one is very demanding.. it’s so hard to find balance .. so hard to spend equal time v them .. I’m always telling my older one to eat faster shower faster sleep faster .. bcos the younger one is waiting for me.. the older one always get scolded for talking a bit loud cos the little one will wake up.. all these tiny things can make me jump REALLY high.. so I repented when I hurt him.. I feel bad n keep telling myself it’s not fair.. why do that to him.. I tot I’m the worse mom ever.. after reading ur post I feel better not bcos u r like me.. bcos there r other mom out there who r struggling v their kids too.. thanks for sharing ur story v us.. let’s hope that our days will be better.. *its actually very good already bcos the kids really love us a lot n can be very sweet to us
Yes… and it makes us feel so guilty T___T. I’m so glad that you feel better now. I did too after reading your comment. Jia you together!!! :))
Don’t feel so bad. For too long at least.
But to do your best for others, you need to be at your best. Laundry can wait, Dinner can be bought – They really can.
Parenting is an ever learning vicious cycle. Oddly enough, our kids are on the same boat – learning as well.
You already are, right now at this moment, the best version you’ve become of yourself. Think about that.
The kids forgive you, You should side with them and forgive yourself too. After all , they tore down the house 37547628 times, and you busted his tooth just once.
37547628>1 , they still win. 🙂
Thank you Jenny. Yes you are absolutely right. Frozen dinners saved me many nights like these. Thank you so much for your very, very kind words. Haha yes, it’s one tooth VS 27368136 tornados. Thank you :’)
Hi Cheesie, I agree with some other comments about having a support network system. Physically! Have play dates with other parents and kids so you can have fun adult conversation, have your mum or in laws come over for a few days visit where they spend time with the kids and you have a break. Go for a massage or whatever you want to do. The little things that makes a difference to your sanity! Stay strong beautiful mama!
Thank you Bella, yes I will do so :)) Thanks for your suggestion 🙂
I’m a mother of one child. I feel shitty all the time too.
There are times I wish there is someone who can help but I live far away from my family now. So there is no one….
It is okay to feel down and cry. We do our best but we must look after ourselves too. *hugs*
The children will grow up and they will be forever grateful to what you have done for them.
Thank you Lucy, yes the first person we should take good care of is ourselves 🙂
I have 2 kids like you with the same age gap. They drive me nuts almost everyday ever since my 2nd one was promoted to toddler. Same like you, there are times that I want to just run away, to reflect and to let my brain and my rest. But I can’t because I am a mother. Hugs and let’s jiayou together!
Thank you Serene. Thanks for sharing your story. Jia you :’)
Dear Cheesie, we are only human. Human falters and make mistakes and have our weakest moments. During this period, you need a support to go through this tough times. Do you want to consider getting your mom to help tide through this period while things get sorted out on its own. Kids are resilient. They will fall but able bounce back fast. So forgive yourself for Junya
Thank you Celine, yes I realized how resilient they are. Their strength put me to shame haha. Thank you so much 🙂 I’m feeling better now.
Thank you so much for being real Cheesie. I can’t say I know how hard it is to be a mother but I do have an idea of what it is like from you and all my friends who have kids. It’s the hardest job out there because there is no down time, no breaks, no days off. It’s work work work work work. It’s ok to make time for yourself. I know you compare yourself to all those crazy supermoms in Japan but you are a GREAT mama already and there is no reason to let yourself be stressed and tortured to the point where being a mom is not a joy. I’m not saying getting a helper is the answer but maybe getting some form of help, be it from your husband or mom or friend, will! I babysat for my friend while she got her brows temporarily tattooed and it was a privilege and honor – and I’m sure many of your friends and family feel the same way. In order to take care of the kids, you gotta take care of yourself first. Otherwise if you break down, your kids suffer too. It’s not selfish, it’s selfless.
Much love to you <3
Thanks Katy for your kind words. 🙂 Yes after reading all your comments I realized how I have neglected myself for a long time and I’m going to change that. Thank you :))
It’s like you looked inside my own head. Motherhood is most certainly the toughest project I have ever faced. Me and my husband have three kids, the strain is tremendous. When I have my exhausted moments I’m terrified that I somehow “ruined” my children by being a shitty mom. It helps talking to someone who understands your situation, after all mothers all around the world are facing this crazy task 🙂
Thank you Johanna for sharing. It’s really true, I already feel so much better after “talking to all of you here. 🙂
Hi Cheesie! I’ve been following you since before you were married, and just wanted to tell how proud I am to see your growth throughout they years. You have become such a wonderful person, the way you appreciate everything around you, even to something as simple as clothes, is really beautiful. I’m not a mother, but reading this reminds me of my mom at home, and made me realized how hard it must’ve been for her too. You’re doing great cheesie, it’s okay to feel like a trainwreck once on a while, you’re human after all. Take a break, and again, just remember that you’re doing really really great 🙂
Thank you T___T. Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it. I’m glad you feel more gratitude for your mom, I think she would really appreciate it too. Thank you :)))
Cheesie… i wanted to cry reading this post.. Until now, if somebody talk about life with kids, i often still say something like “we will lose ourselves, lose chance to see the world, lose chance to travel, to learn something else, etc. And when we have the chance, we already old…” People always complained to me, they said i am not grateful, why i talk such as kids are burden, etc. But i think it is true.. having kids is 1 packet, we can’t only get the happy things. It is such love hate relationship.
I tried give me more me time.. especially because i have helper. When kids go to school, i sneaked to go to gym, salon, do eyelash treatment, or whatever. And i work more ( work from home ). Once every week or two weeks or three weeks, i asked for date with husband at night ( left kids at home with helper ). It helps.. But the consequences is.. i become like a care less mom to children. This is so sad.. Because if i give a lot attention to them, i lost myself and i get crazy, i get down easily, i dislike my life so much. But when i give more attention to myself, i am happier but my attention/care to kids become lesser than before.. then i feel like a bad mom.
When husband complained to me, why you care less to children. I said i want them to be more independent. Then i think about my own childhood.. My mom and dad were also busy.. My grandma took care of me, but grandma also just let me play by myself ( don’t really attend to me, read me books, or whatever ). Though as a child, i wished i have more caring parents ( parents who can be like friends ), but after i am an adult – i really do not wish to change my past. I am really glad my family bring me up that style. I do not regret to have the character and personal value/view i am having now, this is all because of my family. I feel very thankful to have such family.
So i guess, we don’t have to really keep on attending our child.. because as what i read from your instagram story today.. we can’t pour from empty cup. I think we have to care more for ourselves.. it is indeed seems like not a perfect / very good mom, but it really doesn’t matter ( from my own experience ).
Thank you, Elisabeth. Please cry if you want, I’ll pass you virtual tissue T___T. I guess you really wanted to give your children the best because of what you experienced as a child, and you feel guilty when you can’t live up to your own expectation. And yes, please take good care of yourself first. You deserve it. :)) You turned out a fine, responsible adult, and your children will too, for sure. 🙂
It must be so hard to take care of two kids with a full time working husband. 🙁 I don’t have as many wise things to say as some other people in the comments. But as a long time reader I feel like we are friends in a way, so I felt so sad reading this post. I really hope things will be better for you in the future.
If you feel that you really cannot manage anymore, maybe think about getting some help, in the form of someone who helps you take care of the kids for a while until you feel better, or even in the form of a psychologist. It feels a bit odd to recommend this since I only met you once, but so many people never consider getting help while it can make things so much better, you shouldn’t suffer unnecessarily if someone can help you!
Lastly, I’m sorry for not commenting for so long 🙁 I’m still here!
Hi Laura, it makes me so happy to see you here. 🙂 thank you for your support all these while 🙂 I feel better already!!
I think there needs to be some moderation some where along the line. This is a marathon, not a race. Like everything else, moderation is important, firstly forgive yourself for getting angry, being upset, doing and saying the wrong thing. That is normal. Being thankful is a good thing but your child has also pointed out to you, sometimes a bad behavior is just a bad behavior there is no need to try to be thankful for a good thing in a bad behavior.
As much as you love your children, boundaries need to be set eventually, yes we understand that they face stresses out side..but remember that these societal stresses only increases as they grow. It is actually Not Ok for them to come back and release stress in a wanton manner either, letting it go will result in a trained behavior where you only see their worst side everyday.
It is okay to be yourself at home but its not okay to drive mama crazy.
It is also not okay for you to give in unnecessarily or be grateful unnecessarily.
You don’t have to try too hard to be the perfect wife/mother because it’s all a learning journey the day you got your kids.
Hi Beryl, thank you so much for your input and sharing your thoughts. You are right, it’s a learning journey and we are all learning. :))
Hi Cheesie, I’m a mother of a 22 months old girl and I enjoy reading your monthly updates on your children’s progress. I’m constantly inspired by how you have the patience, courage and strength to care for your family. I was SO delighted to go back to work after my ML because I could finally have time to myself and honestly, being a mother is the hardest job ever, much less a homemaker. I’ve always believed in the talking cure so do share about your challenges (to whoever you’re comfortable with) because I think verbalising our anxieties helps to make it feel less oppressive. I know how crazy it can be but give yourself a little treat each day: a good cup of coffee (my daily necessity!!), a fine slice of cake etc.
By the way, I’m also struggling with this breastfeeding thing. Definitely a love-hate relationship. I appreciate how quickly it can shut her up (haha) and her mood is ALWAYS better after a feed, but I hate how I’m in pain sometimes and she cannot accept my rejection. But we try. We sacrifice and give because it’s our act of love.
Hi Minz thank you so much for sharing 🙂 yes I agree, after talking it out (even here) it already makes me feel better. 🙂
Thanks for sharing not only the good times, but also the bad times. Your post really touches me, and blesses me greatly in many ways!
Many hugs, and keep going! <3
Thank you for taking the time to drop a nice comment, Evelyn!
Cheese, thank you so much for being so open and vulnerable to your readers. I have not commented often but I would like to give you a word of encouragement and acknowledge your hard work. Your self reflection was simple yet profound and I hope it gives you the perspective needed to be more balanced in viewing your children and your life. I think you’re doing great. And on top of that you’re still recording and posting about these experiences.
Thank you so much for sharing the things close to your heart. I’ve been reading your blog for a long long time (almost a decade.) and know you have a cheerleader all the way from Toronto, Canada who grew up with you and find you very inspiring and also encouraging because you fail and get up like the rest of us.
Take care Cheesie. I’ll see you on your next post and on ig.
Thank you Wendy😭😭😭. Just so you know your words really helped me. Thank you for this comment. I’m touched and it really does help when you receive acknowledgement. Thank you. I haven’t been to Toronto but i wish to some day!
thank you for the post cheesie! i’m not a long-term reader but i recently binge read your posts and this is my first time leaving a comment!
you are really so inspiring, especially as a mother, and this is so evident from all your posts. it is so interesting to see updates of your children, your parenting stories, and other miscellaneous posts regarding travel and of course Japan!
you really try your best so it’s okay to falter sometimes, just remember to take time to rest and pamper yourself 🙂 will continue to support your blog xx
Binge read omg 😂. Thank you so much Jia Yi :)))
Hey… I hope you are okay. I won’t tell you to cheer up because that’s just like how some rempit telling girls to ‘senyum lah, amoi’. It’s redundant and stupid and probably will make you pissed off. But I hope you are well.
All of us are cheering for you and we know that time’s tough and it sucks when things doesn’t seem to go your ways when you are trying your hardest. But please don’t be so hard on yourself. I know you are doing great and you will do the best in whatever you do.
I’m not sure what else to say to encourage you, but ganbatte ne! You can do it and we know you can do it! 😀 We have your back! They say it takes a village to raise a child and your readers can be your village too.
Remember, don’t be too hard on yourself. Things happened and finding fault is useless. 🙂
Thank you Yumii. For trying to understand my feelings :)) thanks for being here all these time.
Hey, I’m your silent reader for long long times. I couldn’t agree less that motherhood is such awesome ffinkvshbb rollercoaster. I’m facing the same guilt when I accidentally shut the dishwasher but wrongly snap to my youngest mouth. He is 2 years old. He bleed badly and i pray for the worst not to happen. To sum it up, I still has that guilty for not being a careful mother. But, you know, kids being kids, they will grow up, not remembering all these shit, but us as mother, will have that memories. You will heal as time pass because you are a mother.
Hi Lynsue, thank you so much for sharing your story. I could only imagine your pain when the accident happened. But you are right, kids grow up fast 🙂 Junya too is all ok now, and is happy as usual 🙂
Hi cheesie, i am not a mother but when i read about your thoughts about hurling yourself towards a speeding train, i really felt a sharp stab in my pain. I dun know what to say to make u feel better because i dont think i can ever understand what u r feeling right now, but just know that there are many silent readers who are supporting you and know how much love and effort you have poured towards your family. You have done really well all this time, just keep it up and i believe love will win at the end of the day. Hugs
Always enjoy your blog. The para below is amazing self reflection and thoughtfulness. Never realised the cute Cheesie can be so deep 🙂 Great job and it helps even myself for the upcoming next stage in life. Thx!
“But now I know. It is because kids do have stress too. They are forced to do what they are told by many many different adults. They are trying their best to be their best self outside. They have to do things that they don’t like, just because they are told to. They have to be brave. They have to be strong. They have to put up with lots of things that they don’t understand. And when they finally come home to familiar faces, they just want to manja a little. Release a little. Be a little wilder. Act a little more willful. Have a little more love from us parents. And I had been depriving him of his little indulgence. I didn’t give him love. Everyone needs to de-stress, right? “
Hi Cheesie, I have one 3 yo and pregnant with the second one, my husband runs a business and he is always not available, either travelling or working late. I have no helps at all, my family is living very far away. My friends are very amazed how I can do it all and still working part time? There are times I felt depressed and helpless (especially when I am sick like a dog/ bad morning sickness) where I turned into a horrible mom , yelling at my little one . I want to run away from everything and always think why can’t my husband being more supportive like the others??
For my scenarios, I know things won’t changed in the near future and I remind myself everyday because you are a mum and because you are alone, you just need to do it. Do it for my beloved daughter, seeing her grow is one of the proudest moments in my life.
Whenever I feel blue, I will pamper myself with massage, salon, and even getting out from the house with the little one helps. Nothing is more important than loving yourself more , so that you can give more loves to the kids.
Hi, please support Esabele n her blog at esabellejess.blogspot.com. New posts up!