Hello! Today Junya turns 4 years and a half, and Sakura turns 2 years 7 months.
This isn’t a real post because well… I was away for work more than 2 weeks out of a month. Which makes this post less than half legit.
I just realized I didn’t even have photos of @cheesiepetit other than the few ones I took with them at Number76 Tribeca’s opening and some photos I have to take with them for postings. I was busy traveling from Japan to Malaysia to Singapore back to Japan again now.
I didn’t even have any photos of Junya, this was the only one taken during the salon opening.
Read Junya’s 1st month , 2nd month , 3rd month , 4th month , 5th month , 6th month , 7th month, 8th month, 9th month , 10th month , 11th month , 12th month , 13th month , 14th month , 15th month , 16th month , 17th month , 18th months , 19th month , 20th month ,21st month , 22nd month , 23rd month , 24th month , 25th month , 26th month , 27th month , 28th month , 29th month , 30th month , 31st month , 32nd month , 33rd month , 34th month , 35th month , 36th month , 37th month , 38th month , 39th month , 40th month , 41st month , 42nd month , 43rd month , 44th month , 45th month , 46th month , 47th month , 48 months , 49th month , 50th month , 51st month , 52nd month and 53rd month here.
Singular. Because just one. Haha. Junya has a friend.
I am so proud and happy though. May mommies probably cannot even relate to this because kids around me seem to be so ridiculously sociable and for sure have more friends and BFFs at just 3 years old lol than I do in my entire life lol.
Junya, unfortunately, probably took after my anti-social genes and is rather a loner. I have never heard him mention about his classmates, he also never had a friend preference. I never ever get an answer from questions like “who is your best friend in school?” or even when I rephrase the question -“who do you like the most in your class?” The only answer he will give me are a variant of vague comments such as “everybody”. Sometimes “nobody.” Sometimes “I don’t know”. Sometimes he simply changes topic.
I didn’t press him further because I UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS LIKE EXACTLY. I did not have real friends in school too. Haha. And that’s okay. I turned out fine now. He’s gonna turn out fine too.
But recently when I pick him up from school he would pull me down and whisper into my ears “Mama can we go sanpo (take a walk) with Y?”
Y is his new friend, a very adorable, gentle boy from his class. And they are friends only because I am mamatomo (mommy friends) with Y’s mommy. She’s also my only “friend” from Junya’s school (probably because she also doesn’t have many. She just moved to this new country not long ago).
So if you think about it actually it is all my fault. Because I didn’t bother making more mamatomo, hosting parties, initiating play dates, making rainbow cupcakes for the entire class, remembering every child’s birthdays or even bother checking the group messages. I am shit at making friends so it is no wonder my son can’t make any either.
You know the sucky thing? Everytime you are upset about your children’s behavior, you get twice more upset when you realize that you are actually the problem.
But for the first time he has a friend after 4.5 years of his life in this world.
In the past even when we attended parties or school activities, instead of playing with his friends he would always stick by my side and refuse to socialize until I was like seriously what’s the point of all these outings if it’s just gonna be me and him sitting at one corner anyway because I also suck at talking to people? And so we stopped going. (See? My fault again.)
Seeing this makes me so happy. They took their bikes and scooters to race each other leaving two mommies behind pushing two strollers with our younger daughters napping, trying to catch up to them.
It’s okay not to have friends, but it’s nicer to have one. Or more.
Read Sakura’s 1st month, 2nd month , 3rd month , 4th month , 5th month , 6th month , 7th month , 8th month , 9th month , 10th month , 11th month , 12th month , 13th month , 14th month , 15th month , 16th month , 17th month , 18th month , 19th month , 20th month , 21st month , 22nd month , 23rd month , 24th month , 25th month , 26th month , 27th month , 28th month , 29th month and 30th month here.
So actually I’m spending a lot of time with her because she’s not going to school yet. It’s mama and Sakura time after we send Niinii to school until he comes back. That explains why I have many more photos of her in my iphone.
She’s amazing. I can throw her puzzles, some toys, and she would give me peace to finish whatever I have to finish. Cook, clean, work. On a good mood day.
On not so good mood day she’s all mamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamaamama and I would feel that I have achieved ZERO anything by the time I have to go pick up Junya again.
Play date. (Singular) Made effort to meet another mamatomo before flying off again.
Omg I remember it took Junya almost one whole year to be able to not scream when we put goggles on him. I guess the good thing about the second child is that you don’t even have to try. They want to do whatever the older sibling does.
Also another good thing (good as long as they don’t grow smart enough to start to complain) is that whatever the elder sibling doesn’t use/want/like anymore, it’s their new present. lol.
Sakura gets a second hand, heavily vandalised scooter as her Xmas present while Niinii gets a brand new, kick ass two-wheeled big boy scooter.
The lesson she has to learn – Life is not always fair.
You know what. I enjoy being away from the kids. SO MUCH. I’ll say it out loud all in caps. I did not use to like the fact that I’m away from them probably because I didn’t want to admit to myself that it will make me look like a shit mom, AND also I did not even have the privilege to be away from them other than when they are in school because I did not have any help. And because it is miserable to like what you cannot have.
I got my mom to help for for almost an entire month during this year end travel rush. I am so thankful. I know that they are in good hands. And I smelled freedom that I had secretly lusted over for so long. Now that I get a taste of it I’m addicted. It sounds really horrible when I say this out, but I’m tired of being a mom already. I’m running away and it’s such a sweet escape.
Also, I don’t know how to parent anymore. When I returned from a 2-week-long work trip, Junya shockingly turned into a sort-of angel. I was starting to seriously believe that he needs a break from ME. I returned home to such a good boy so I must be the entire reason why he wasn’t???
I asked him, “why you so good boy these few days?”
And he said…
He said this:
“Because you are kind to me.”
What kind of monster had I been? It’s ironic that I had to take a step back from momming him for the both of us to feel better about each other and not drive each other up the wall. So maybe this distance is after all healthy. I don’t know. Did the “quality time” we spent together are not so quality time after all? What went wrong? Was I nagging too much? Did he like mommyless time better? Like can finally take a breather from me breathing down his neck? It’s scary to think that we are both happier away from each other.
So I really don’t know how parenting works anymore. You can (think that you) give your absolute best love, best food, best effort, best everything to your children yet you worry if they will grow up to be a good human. You’ll never know. You don’t get certificates for scoring and they don’t give you letter of guarantee.
Anyway I gotta go. 7am work call tomorrow.